Thanks!
http://www.tokyopop.com/Lolita12/fiction/
2006-09-21 10:03:53 · 5 answers · asked by Lolita 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Comics & Animation
I read "In The Alley." There was no point to the story, no background on the caracters, lots of repetition. It would've worked if you woul've made te story more descriptive. Instead of telling us that she stabbed the man, show us how she stabbed him, her reaction, his cry of agony. Make us feel the sword, feel the pain. Work on imagery. I know you have an image inside your head that you want the reader to see, but the only way the reader can see it is through your use of imagery. Work on it, practice.
2006-09-21 10:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by Ulysses 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should seek out a beta reader. Someone that could help with story development, characterization, and over all grammar and spelling. If I were yours, I'd say you need to, first, build a story around this. As it is, it's just a scene with no plot or back story, not to mention vague, boring characters. And you need to stop capitalizing every word. Plus, I think you need to learn to be more descriptive in your wording. And that's just for starters.
Good luck in your future writings. ^_^
2006-09-21 17:44:17 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your punctuation is not great.
Don't capitalize all or most of the words.
As for content, you need to develop your characters more.
Who are these people?
Why are they doing what they are doing?
That kind of stuff.
But keep trying and you'll improve.
2006-09-21 17:19:49 · answer #3 · answered by fixermetal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not the best but if u work better u might get there
2006-09-21 19:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by maria u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it not funny, not even scarry.
2006-09-21 17:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by Brooklynn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋