I've been married almost 6 yrs. There was no love at first, later I had it. But I lost respect. We went through some problems in the past. I forgave ( emotional cheating, flirting with 11 year olds and disrespectful attitude,wandering eye).
Good behaviour for 4 years, and yesterday- found 13-17 yrs. girls porn viewing history in his computer.
My heart is attached to him - he is basically a good person in general.
On top of that, Mother-in-law asked to move in today with us. I think I want to leave him, scared to have children with him. But, how do I do it if she moves in???? And what is the best way to leave????
Also, I work for him full time and have a part-time job. And have a dog I love deeply. I am all alone in this country and have no real friends. I will be visiting my family 2 months later.
Any advice will be appreciated. I don't know how to leave....
2006-09-21 09:50:45 · 19 answers · asked by lola t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For sure DONT HAVE CHILDREN with this person - It would be even harder for you to decide what to do if you had a family and if he is attracted to young girls, and you were to have a girl, what could possibly be in her future is a little rough to think about.
Your going to visit your family in two months - try to get some advice and emotional support to determine if maybe you should go to your family to stay - (take the dog with you.)
God's speed.
2006-09-21 10:04:03 · answer #1 · answered by social bee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let me say, how sorry I am that you're going through this. For your own sanity I would leave that relationship. First looking at 13-17 year old girls naked is a CRIME! Not to mention really gross. He could be arrested and prosecuted if someone finds out. I'm not sure how you forgave flirting with an 11 year old as it is.
In regards to your m-i-l moving in, some people can handle those things and others can't. It's typical in lots of cultures, but not as much in the U.S. I, personally, don't think it's a very good idea. I think that it can create power struggles, and when is a man going to tell his mother "no"? It places your husband in the middle between the 2 of you.
As for leaving, make a plan. If you wait until you have enough money, or until you think the time is right, you may never leave.
Trust your instincts.
2006-09-21 10:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by Dana B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, honey, I don't know what to say. What he is doing is wrong and you need to get out. I know it is hard since you work for him. Please don't have children with him. Can you wait and talk to your family when you visit them? They should be able to help you out. You may have to go back and stay with your family for a while. I know how it is to love a dog, but if you will be unable to have a safe place for the dog, you may have to leave the dog with him. Is he good to your dog?
When you leave you will need to have a place to stay and a you probably should consult a lawyer. You will need to start legal action to get divorced. I hope he does not have violent tendencies. When you visit your family, take everything that you absolutely cannot leave behind. Don't worry about anything material unless you need it or it has sentimental value. Your peace of mind is much more important.
2006-09-21 09:57:03 · answer #3 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have problems but this situation take the cake please get plan of action find a shelter maybe rent a room but get out soon thats not normal behavior he i s displaying talk to him explain he needs to get help but you cant go to jail or hell for him im sorry to say you have held on the emotion LOVE entirely to long it was a feeling you had for someone that did not display that type of life not that he has took it on a whole another level you do the same except go in the way of innocence cause thats sick tell his damn mother she has a sicko and you are not a doctor and leave Thats LOVE
2006-09-21 10:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by sexysummer34 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I do not see how anyone can live with a man that is capable of sexually abusing children or raping later down the line .. These types of people do not stop at just looking .. they go to touching and then later they get braver they go to raping them .. and possibly much worse .. Now would you want your name attached to a man like that ? I would hope not .. Is good that you never had children with him .. or they would suffer the same hell that lots of other children suffer at the hands of people like that .. Thier innocence lost forever .. nothing brings it back .. No as to leaving him .. just pack your bags and get the hell out . you owe him no explanation .. especially for what he is capable of doing .. you need to think about yourself .. and not others in a time like this .. Don't be afraid there are thousands like you out there .. and they did the same as well .. Find your strength and walk out and never look back ..get your divorce and find some one else who is deserving of what you have to give .. This man your with now is doomed to hell .. any man that would even want to hurt a Child is evil.. I wish you the best in your journey and hope you make the right decision
2006-09-21 10:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you do just walk out,
you are with a man that is a borderline pedofile
he is looking at 11- 13-17 years old , you afraid to have children with him
read your ? and ask youself what kind of advise you will give to someone if you were not the one who wrotw this?
2006-09-21 09:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you go visit your family in two months, pack the belongings that you can't live without. Take the dog, and don't ever look back! You can stay with your family til you get your life back on course.
2006-09-21 10:06:48 · answer #7 · answered by dakotanmisty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a pedophile and his problems can't be helped with just the answers here alone. Consult a professional.
2006-09-21 10:20:29 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever it takes you need to get the children out of there. Find a way.
2006-09-21 10:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Report it to the police. This guy belongs in jail!
2006-09-21 10:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by Carrie! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋