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i have a new bf and i dont trust him, because my ex cheated on me with my cousin. and im scared that my new bf will cheat on me. my bf tells me that he wont cheat on me. what can i do so i can trust my new bf. because he has horses and he is always at the pens and i know that no girls go out there. but i dont go to the races with him, he tells me everything that he does there and he calls me. so should i worry about it?

2006-09-21 09:39:48 · 27 answers · asked by mustangsweetthing 4 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

27 answers

Realize he is not your ex and put the ex behind you.

2006-09-21 09:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0 0

An good bf will tell you he won't cheat on you; unfortunately a bad one will say the same thing. And if you're constantly suspicious and don't trust him, it might make him more likely to cheat.

You are obviously carrying baggage from your last bf and projecting it onto this one, which isn't fair to yourself or your bf. You have to let go of the pain and suspicion from your last relationship and try to recognize the signs of what went wrong, how you first got that nagging little feeling your last guy was not 100% devoted to you. Then trust your new bf until you start seeing those signs (or similar ones).
A therapist can help you work through your trust issues (yes, it can be a big expense... but in the long run what matters more, your money or your heart?)
Remember, you are not doomed to repeat your past... unless you refuse to learn from it!

2006-09-21 09:48:06 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0 0

You've got to have some blind faith (i.e. trust) in every new relationship, or it will be never work. don't expect this new guy to cheat on you just because your ex did. you said that your new bf knows that the ex cheated? that is good b/c it will help him to understand why you have the fears that you do. But all in all, you've just got to chill. Seriously. Do not worry. Unless he gives you a reason to (and hopefully he won't :)

2006-09-21 09:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Try to put what happened with your ex behind you! If you are that worried about it try going to the races. Not only will you be able to see what he does but you will be able to share something together, and the more of those kinds of things that you do the better off you are going to be. No I am nto saying spend every minute you can with him, just try doing stuff that he does or likes to do that he normally does by himself. That will also be a good test of your relationship!!

Godd luck and it will all work out if meant to be!! But do not dwell on the past it can only hurt the present and the future!!

2006-09-21 09:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No i don't think you should worry about it. A relationship is built on trust and if you want to be with him you have to trust him regardless of what happened to you in the past. Don't make him pay for things that other people did to you in the past. Trust him and start him off in your good books until he gives you a reason not to trust him. If he says he won't do it believe him!

2006-09-21 09:42:55 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Thang 6 · 0 0

Take a deep breath. And try very hard to stop the worry and live in the moment. No matter what life is handing you, all you have is the moment, the present. Stay focused on it and in it.

There are several ways for you to focus on the moment when you are feeling anxious about him cheating.

1. Be Still. When life is stressful, hectic, or seemingly unmanageable, just stop. Be still and take yourself out of the craziness. Retreat into your inner world for guidance. During these times, it might be your only opportunity for peace and balance. If what you seek without or around you cannot be found, find it within.

2. Use Your Senses. The best way to take yourself out of the outer world that is no longer making sense or working for you, is to experience life (your life) through your senses. Open your eyes to the beauty around you, lose yourself in lovely music, exchange words with positive people in your life, enjoy a sensational feast with someone or many you care for, and savor the smells and the tastes in your life.

3. Keep Being You. Respect the warning to be cautious and aware during your daily routines, but continue with your plans and goals—the things that have meaning for you. Work toward them in a way that does not put you out on a limb or cause undue risk, but don’t abandon them. Having a purpose and goals gives direction to our lives. Take the steps to realize your goals, perhaps, on the slow track for now, but just don’t let go of them.

4. Extend Yourself. Do more. Be more. Now is the perfect time to get involved—with your neighbors, the charity you’ve been researching, building deeper bonds of friendship, and appreciating the people in your life fully. When faced with the thought of catastrophe occurring at any time, ( him cheating) panic and fear are only two options. Another one is to take the focus off of the unthinkable. Focus on appreciating what is and what could be in your life.

5. Claim a Perspective That Empowers and Enables You. The one you decide on isn’t so important. What matters is that it works for you. As always, if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else—and fast. If you’re sitting at home out of the mix, worrying about opening your mail or going to work the next day, you need a different perspective. Adopt a winning one. Your life is always what you make it during glorious times as well as the challenging ones. Keep living, and keep striving to be your best you.

6. Keep Going. Feel what you feel—sadness, fear, uncertainty—but keep moving forward. Go to work, do household chores, visit with family and friends in person or via telephone or e-mail, take out the trash, buy that lovely suit that caught your eye, try that new recipe, extend and accept invitations, drastically change your hair color or style, or any other option in an endless list of possibilities. Just keep going and, most importantly, enjoy the moments.

This is your life. You owe it to yourself to live it. It may seem different and uncertain now. However, the external changes to our lives are just that—external. There are entire schools of thought that speak in-depth on the importance of one’s internal life … of unshakeable serenity, peace, and balance. If you really think about it, many times our internal (or inner) lives and strengths are all that matter when the world around us is unsure and changing.

Be yourself and let your inner light shine. I mean, really be yourself—for some, in a way and fashion you’ve never dared before. You have so much more to gain than you could ever lose. Remember: No regrets!

2006-09-21 09:51:04 · answer #6 · answered by Lilly 2 · 0 0

You have to learn to trust again. You have put up walls to try and protect yourself from getting hurt again. However, these walls will entrap you. If you continue pushing the issue and your boyfriend knows you don't trust him, he may get tired of it and leave. You have to open up your heart again and trust. It doesn't mean that you won't get hurt. But, that way you will be giving yourself the opportunity to find out if he is the right one for you.

2006-09-21 09:43:52 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs J 3 · 0 0

no one can really give you advise on how to trust someone that just comes from within. if you can't trust him due to what a previous boyfriend did then maybe you should take some time to get yourself together before you start getting serious with someone else cause eventually all of your insecurities are going to start bothering him. he will probably get annoyed and break up with you.

2006-09-21 09:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by girliegirl26 2 · 0 0

If you don't trust him, you can't force that feeling.
Its okay that you don't trust him, it isn't a good idea to act on those feelings tho - try really hard not to accuse him or ask too many questions.
You may never trust him in your heart, but if you try to act like you do, hopefully it won't cause a problem.

2006-09-21 09:42:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

what you have to ask yourself is "what would happen to me if he cheated?"
at the worst, you would cry and probably become single again. you certainly won't stop breathing or lose a limb.
So whenever he does go out without you, give him a huge kiss and hug before he leaves to remind him of what he has with you and keep telling yourself, "he is not my ex boyfriend and even if he did cheat on me, i can handle it"

2006-09-21 09:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

i say you should not worry about it until you feel that the perfect time has come in between the two of you and if you feel that he is cheating on you maybe you shouldn't be with him at all.after the relationship that i"ve been through i"ve learned my experience to not trust anyone.

2006-09-21 09:51:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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