How do I decide who to be with?

Question

I've been with a guy for 9 years. but two years in to our marriage, broke my heart. I've stayed with him, as I don't want to be alone. Since then, I've met an old friend of mine that I used to have a crush on, and have once again, fallen in love. I don't know if she feels the same way, as she is coming out of an abusive relationship with her soon to be exhusband. As I no longer have any wish to be with my husband, should I try and give her a chance? She has three kids, and I have two, so we would definately be a large family. But there's the issue of both of our parents disapproving of an alternative lifestyle. Should I stay with my husband and try and fix things, or move on?

Answer 1

Sounds like your marriage has been over for years - forget about anyone else. You chose to stay with someone simply becasue you didn't want to be alone. That's really unfair to the other person - no matter what he did two years into the marriage. You have taken enough of his life away from him. If you don't want to be with him, then leave. Leave now, give him back his life, get one of your own, and THEN decide who to be with. Don't jump from one reltionship to another...learn how to love yourself and be on your own. It can be very empowering and helpful in choosing a partner again. Once you are stronger, you will be better equipped to decide on what and who you need.

In the meantime, why can't you and your friend be just that? Friends. Get to know one another - let her support you in your divorce (if that's the choice you ultimately make), be her friend and let your kids get to know each other. How traumatic would it be for your kids if you left daddy one day and moved in with mommy the next? Depends on how old they are, but their feelings should be right at the top of your priority list.

How does your girlfriend feel about you and a relationship? How do her kids feel? Are you able to leave your husband and support yourself and your kids emotionally, financially, and spiritually? If the answer to any of that is no or I don't know, then you have some serious growing up to do and need some time on your own...nurturing you, not someone else. Learn to be alone - it's the only way you'll ever be able to have a healthy reltionship and not be alone.

Once you are t a place where you can really BE with someone and have found happiness in yourself and your relationship, don't worry about what other people think. Their ignorance shouldn't guide your decisions.

Good luck...be strong...and do what is best for your kids and yourself. You know what it is...

Answer 2

What about just ending it with your husband and NOT getting involved with anyone else for a change?
I guess I'd have to really think long and hard about how my actions would impact my kids. If you break up the family, you will hurt the children. If you move in with some other person with her kids, will you be too involved with your new lover and her kids to give your children the time and attention they need in order to recover from a divorce?

I'd urge you to do anything and everything to remain married to your husband for the sake of the 2 kids. They deserve that much, don't they? I don't think that destroying the family and embarking on a lesbian love affair is really going to do your children any good. It's not always about what you 'want" but what is the right thing to do.

Answer 3

You already know what you want to do so do it! Asking all the questions in the world won't change what you want. Being with anyone because you don't want to be alone is a bad idea, not to mention its wrong....you are robbing that other person of their life, stealing it from them day by day..just because you are too weak to be alone, what right do you have to do that? I don't care what he did to you, if you couldn't deal with it you should have left then, you have now stolen 7 years of his life pretending to be married to him, he can never get that back, neither can you but you chose to do it, he didn't. Let him go so he can find someone real to love that will love him. As far as what you do with your gf thats your business but one really doesn't have anything to do with the other. You are never going to be happy with anyone until you grow a spine of your own, you will live your entire life making decisions based on your fear...what kind of crap is that??? You are looking for someone else to make you happy and ok...that will never happen, you have to do that for yourself. Before you put your kids and family through the drama and problems that will surely come from this arrangement you should really 'fix' yourself!

Answer 4

Woooow. This is a tough one. First of all you need to get rid of your husband , not for what he has done but if you do not love him and do not trust him then why be with him ?? Afraid of being alone shouldn't make you stay unhappy. Second , you need to find out if your friend is a lesbo , if she is not then you will look like an @$$ trying to get with her. Who cares what your parents think? You are grown and capable of making your own decisions, you have to live with it not them. Just follow your heart and do whats right for you. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Wait ... is this a girl you feel in love with?? You have been married to this man for 9 years And how did he break your heart?? i dont get it . let her deal with her life but be there to help her though her hard time i dont think she is ready for a relationship right away! give yourself some time to try to work out whatever it is remember it is the sake of your children.

Answer 6

Don't worry about what other people think of it. I know this sounds really cheesy, but just follow your heart! But also think about your kids, too, but if you aren't happy with your husband, and you would be happier with your friend, go for it! Love is for life! You shouldn't give your love to someone who will only hurt you in the end.

Answer 7

As I understand your question it really is: How is it plausible to pick on now to not trust? Isnt that a similar as identifying now to not pick, without identifying? An wise man or woman can concurrently carry 2 at the same time unique recommendations of their recommendations at the same time. merely because you carry something on your recommendations does no longer represent a call to adhere, and change into attentive to your self with that theory, and take care of that theory as an extension of your self. preserving a psychological theory isn't a similar as an emotional dedication. you could imagine about being in love with 2 women without surely being in love with both. you could favor you've been in love with someone, yet no longer be able to make your self love them. a severe life-lengthy non secular decision is a ingredient of the top AND of the heart. you could make a determination head, heart, both yet no longer neither. Your heart can trust even as your head doesnt... you're in for an excellent variety of guilt after the very reality of your moves. Your head can trust even as your heart doesnt in which case you're in for some superficiality, contrivance, and sadness, or you could trust with both your head and heart... in which case you should also desire that reality and faith coincide. even as they dont theres sadness, or maybe as they do there is a few structure and intending to life. Its ok in case you dont desire life to have meaning in case you do not trust. no longer being believed hasn't ever stopped the reality from being authentic, merely from being acted upon.

Answer 8

The biggest question is which situation would be best for you children? Can you and your friend handle raising the 5 kids in the same house? If so, then go for it.

Answer 9

wow umm well i think you need to have an open talk with your husband! tell him your true feelings! see what he says maybe you guys can stay married but have flings on the side! quitely! but it must be agreed by both parties~
your parents aren't you they don't live with you or with your parnter they have no right to tell you who you can love!
your heart should be the main factor in this!
Mad luv

Answer 10

Sadly, if you have to ask this question then you don't love either of these people. Please try not to jump into a relationship just because you don't want to be on your own - it would never work. I wish you happiness.