(oddly) many of us wives complain that our husbands are tired, stressed, and have reached mental exhaustion......and it takes away their sex drive. We try to understand, yet dont' know how to fix the problem. We wind up feeling insecure, unattractive, awkward, etc. You tell us it's not us, we listen, yet we are never 100% sure. Do any of you men have this problem? What insight can you offer? What can we do to fix the problem when life is so crazy? A healthy sex life is important, yet we dont' want our men to feel pressure that adds to the problem.
2006-09-21 09:04:14 · 15 answers · asked by paintgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont' mean, "do your wives have low sex drive", I mean the men.
2006-09-21 09:08:02 · update #1
Ok, for the record, I've done the hotel thing, the dress up thing, the candle thing, the porn thing, I've done it all people. Everyday life isn't like that. You cant' hope that those special days once a month are gonna fix the problem.
2006-09-21 09:18:14 · update #2
Why is the answer not obvious? I think, the fact that the answer is not obvious is most of the problem.
Like women, men want to feel wanted. We want to feel we are attractive to women. We also would love to be romanced and persued. Do you even arrange for a night off, away from those things that stress him, away from the kids, away from the Crackberry and cellphone? How about a weekend getaway to Vegas, or a club in Jamacia?
A woman wanting sex from her man, makes sex just like another job we must do. You complain you want and need sex, yet you also make it our job to make it all happen. We have to take you out, pick the resturant, find the movie, pay the sitter, etc, etc, etc. More pressure and responsibility, and you are one who wants something from it. Again, it becomes yet another job for him to perform.
You take charge. Make it relaxing and exciting. Take him out for a night on the town. Go to a strip club together. Get a seedy hotel room. If that does not work, dump the idiot, he's too far gone to be of any use anymore.
2006-09-21 09:12:51 · answer #1 · answered by javelin 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is an issue. Today more and more men are pressured by our society to produce. In the 1960s the bench marks for sucess was 8 hours X 40, go to church and in 30 years you can go collect your gold watch and retirement.
Not so anymore! Less than 20% of American business has a pension plan...and that's not even secure. United airlines just bailed out of thier pension plan, GM would love to get out of it and most other American firms would like to follow as well.
If you have children you can expect college ($60,000 for four years right now) make that times 2-3 children ...expensive. Then think about your 401K for your retirement after you account for the ever rising inflation that will diminish you buying power.
Ever increasing gas prices, new computers and homes are always on our minds. Oh by the way it's not only enough to do my job...each year I have to make my performance "just a little bit better"...for that maybe I'll get to keep it for a little whiule longer..... you see the stress is always there.....it never ever ends!
WHat you can do is be the partner you're supposed to be. Help him in lowering his stress...men desperatly need to "decompress" when thay get home. They need to place their minds into "neutral" and simply coast before they go out into the world and "get'er done" (sorry about the Larry the cable guy thing).
If you are working then help with the finances, help him plan for the future. Plan a "get-a-way" for a week and allow him to relax and "escape the world for just awhile. When that happens you will find that he's more playful.
Good luck
2006-09-21 09:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they are depressed. I have this issue in reverse. None of the stuff you listed really changes things beyond one night. When we have sex, it is amazing and it's always very satisfying for us both, but if we never had sex again I don't think she would care. I swear she'd rather watch a rerun of a home redecorating show, or clean the kitchen, or email, or just about any other damn thing than have sex. Her excuse? It's just not a drive that she has. So where did it go? I always heard women really want security and men really want sex...well if I'm getting a lot, I'll be there for your security. But as it is, I'm not real motivated to spend a lot of time trying to get laid. It's too much work.
Oh, back to your question. Maybe your guy is depressed. Depressed people aren't motivated like others, and don't motivate themselves. Have either of you had counseling, or is this just something he doesn't care about? Good luck!
2006-09-21 09:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by newbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had zero sex drive and it caused many problems in my marriage and I am only 36.
To cut a long story short I was diagnosed with a ( non fatal type )of brain tumour that dropped my testosterone ( and sex drive ) to nothing.
I was treated with a drug and within six hours of taking the first pill I was giving my wife the loving she has lacked , nowadays no matter how tired , stressed or how many hours I work I am always after it.
If you have a problem dont overlook a medical issue for a flagging libedo. see a Dr.
2006-09-21 16:05:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that married men and married women are very much the same in this regard. When we feel love, valued, appreciated and desired, our libido is just fine. Sure, stress and fatigue will slow anyone down -- male or female.
When he's tired or stressed, all you really need to do is to remind him that he makes you horny and you just want to give him some pleasure and solace. A lot of women wait for their man to start things off. We love to be seduced too.
2006-09-21 09:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by Otis F 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same boat as you.my sex life is non existant..my hubby works from home with web design,i havbe two children 6&4..when they go to bed each evening i just entertain myself....sex is about 6 months apart when he wants it.He has recently stopped heavy larger drinking.I do feel quite sad and lonely and unattractive..it makes me cry.
2006-09-21 09:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it slow with them maybe a warm bath together then a massage with some mood music to relax . And if you wear some sexy lingerie around the house he will get his drive up.
2006-09-21 09:08:30 · answer #7 · answered by brent1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cute
2016-03-27 01:13:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since I hear so many married men say they dont get enough sex I'm curious to see what these men say.
2006-09-21 09:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check out ( http://www.reducingstress.net )
It is a really good stress site.
There are lots of articles on all stress related topics.
I think you will find help for this situation there.
2006-09-21 16:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by marketingexpert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋