Trouble w/ boyfriend....?

Question

My boyfriend and I get along great. But when we fight it's always about the same thing...school.
I go to an adult vocational learning center and i'm in my second year now.
My bf don't like the school and hates the teachers for the reasons he claims are legit.
He thinks the school is screw'n me over when it comes to my grades or school work etc.. and all i wanna do is get throught it and someday get a good job.
When we fight I break down and cry for hours and he never stops no matter how many times I tell him to or beg him to stop.
Most the time I end up in a panic attack.
I have enough stress without his constant complaining about something so petty....
I don't know what to do or how to get him to stop.

Any well thought out advice is welcome.

Rude comments and bashing will be reported.

Answer 1

Wow, this sounds really bad. What he should really be doing as a mature person is simply voice his concerns as anyone who cares about your should do, you need only voice your concerns once, especially if he knows that you plan on finishing what you started. Then after that he should just support the decision that you make. It's not like you are on drugs or doing something else illegal. He is being unreasonable, are you sure it's not a case of envy, has he been or is going to a school right now? Do you think this my be his passive aggressive way of saying I don't want you making more money than me? Anyway he should be supporting you on this and not making it more difficult. You have people in your life for a reason. Family, friends and boyfriend or girlfriend; we keep these people in our lives because they are support to make life little bit easier, they should be there to lean on if you need to. You should let him know this, and let him know that you have heard his concerns and you understand where he is coming from but you plan on finishing what you started. You should say to him that if he can't support you on this decision then he should say nothing at all about it, because arguing about it serves nothing at this point it's a waste of time and energy, and knowing that you plan on finishing this school then any argument on the subject is simply illogical at this point.

Answer 2

I think it's pretty ridiculous that he would fly off the handle, especially if this is the only occasion. It sounds like he either has some maturing to do, or really can't handle the situation. Take care of what you need to to be safe and keep distance from your ex, if that's what you need, and the new boyfriend is just going to have to be understanding. Keep communication open, it's very important. Tell your new boyfriend exactly why you're making the decisions you are and you'll just have to see if he's understanding or not. Tell him you're having him drop you off a block away because you heard what is happening and don't want a confrontation. Tell him you'll be handling it tonight, an dthat you even told your ex about the restraining order. If he's not understanding, then he's not right for you.

Answer 3

There really is only one thing you can do.

Terminate the relationship.

He is being emotionally abusive. Why would you want to stay in a relationship with someone who makes you feel that way? Is this sometning you would want to continue forever? Because there is no way you will be able to change the way he acts towards you. he will ALWAYS do that to you. ALWAYS. You can't change someone (not even for the better).

You should be looking out for you. Drop him... continue with your school (good for you for sticking with it even though he's telling you not to)... you will find someone else who isn't threatened that your education will lead you away from him.

Answer 4

I think that this is ultimately going to affect your grades and your overall success. He seems ot be either jealous or just completely unaware of your emotional needs or feelings/support. Either way he is not showing any respect towards you. And as much as he may disagree, he needs to support you in what you do if he loves you (unless its something illegal or drugs, or violent/criminal), but otherwise you need to tell him that its either he accept you and stay quiet or its the highway.

Answer 5

Well, girl, it looks like you're in a situation where you want two things but can't have them both. I suggest identifying what is your stronger dream:
-to excel in school and build a thriving career
-to make your bf happy
i.e., if you have to give up, one, which option will leave you a happier person?

now, i dunno your bf and i have no right to judge him. but if i were you, the only reason why i would work so hard and be so emotionally attached to my studies if because i believe from the bottom of my heart that it's something that would make me happy. it's my study, and it's my right to say what i love or hate about it, and my boyfriend would have no right to hate my teachers or tell me that my school is a hellhole. if i do hate a teacher or certain things about my study, _I_ have the right to say it, not him, and even if he hates it too, i'm more interested in having him tell me that i'm not gonna let that steal my joy and i'm gonna come out a winner.

if you cry for hours because you get into a fight like this, you must be very hurt with what he has to say. be careful because this builds up and it has to be made up for (just know this but don't say it to him because it'll only worsen the situation). unless it stops, it'll only wreck your future and you'll regret letting it happen.

i suggest finding out about a person who your boyfriend respects and listens to and knows him well, someone who you also can cooperate with. talk to this mutual friend and tell him/her how you honestly feel. tell him/her that all you want is to save this relationship and to have both you and your bf happy. you can't have a good relationship if you're an unhappy gf, and you can't be a happy gf unless you have a respectful & supportive bf. then brainstorm with your mutual friend how you can talk to your bf and decide whether it's best to talk only you & your bf or to have your mutual friend present to mediate.

this might work, "look (your bf's name) i love you with all my heart and all i want is for us to have a great relationship. all i want is for you to be happy and i would do anything for that. in order for me to give my all, though, i need your help. i need you to stop tearing me down. i feel torn down if you (name one or two things that he does that hurts you the most). this needs to stop, because as long as it happens, i spend my energy crying and hurting, and if all my energy goes there, there will eventually be nothing more for you. this is what i need you to do so that i have the energy to make you happy: (name what you want changed)." don't forget to thank him and tell him that you love him at the end of the conversation, and to encourage him to also be open to you if he has something he's hung up about.

take it from there. there is one out of two possible outcomes
-a reasonable man would usually respond positively to that--you just need to be sure not to hurt his ego in the process. if it doesn't work the first time, try talking again a second or third time using different strategies (also be sure to listen to what he feels honestly)
-if he doesn't change, just know that he never loved you in the first place anyway and that he doesn't deserve you. get rid of him because NOTHING good can come out of staying in a relationship that discourages you from pursuing what matters to your heart and hurts you.

good luck! and remember, NEVER let anyone steal your dreams... you deserve to have them come true ;)