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i was in a relationship with an alcoholic and all we did was fight, i know alot of the fighting was b/c i wanted him to stop drinking and one day he hit me, he went to jail and has been sober for three months. He is about to get out and has been promising me the world.....should i give him another chance?

2006-09-21 08:47:01 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

35 answers

i would say not, but hey! sometimes people change. if he's been in jail babe, he has to be sober--just remember that

2006-09-21 08:49:13 · answer #1 · answered by TheMaverick.The Artist 3 · 3 0

NOPE, no way, no how. He's in a very stressful situation right now, of course he is promising you the world...how many other promises has he made you? What you do is say look if you get out, stay sober (it takes a lot longer than 3 months to get to a place where you can say you have your alcoholism kicked) do the right things and maybe we'll talk. Make him prove himself before you risk putting yourself in harms way....look at it this way, taking him back the minute he gets out is like crossing a busy street with a blindfold on...wait until the blinders are off and you can see clearly for yourself that the street is clear of any danger to you. This man HIT you!!!! That isn't love!!! And do NOT buy, or make for him, the alcohol 'excuse' alcohol contributes to domestic violence sometimes but it is NOT the cause of it. Put the cycle of violence in to any search engine and educate yourself about who these people are and how they behave and the promises they make...you will see that it is a pattern of behavior for them. Call a local domestic violence hotline, they will just talk to you, help educate you and help you understand exactly who you are dealing with. If you were going to go skydiving you would learn how to skydive first, same thing here, arm yourself with knowledge then make your decisions from a place of knowing what you are dealing with. Good luck to you. And quit taking the blame for the fighting....if he wasn't an alcoholic you wouldn't have had to fight with him about his drinking....THIS IS ALL HIM, quit trying to put the blame on yourself and dont' feel guilty about his being in jail, he made that CHOICE too, he decided to be a drunk and HE decided to hit you....you have nothing to feel bad about, except perhaps giving him too many chances, don't make that mistake again. Therfe is sooooo much better out there, why put yourself through this? Why even take the chance? But its your choice, please educate yourself on what you are dealing with first though! At least then you'll know the signs and may be better equipped to keep yourself safe. Alcholism is a lifelong illness, it doesn't go away.

2006-09-21 08:55:43 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1 0

He hasn't been sober by choice! He's still an alcoholic and ya....they'll promise you anything. You guys fought all the time....he hit you....right then and there you should have ended it!! NO ONE has the right to hit you!!!! Doesn't matter if it's a slap, a hit in the arm, push you! Say good bye and don't look back. Now that he's hit you once, he will do it again.

And making an excuse that he was drunk so he didn't know what he was doing....that's a load of crap! Abusive men hit you, turn around and beg and plead for your forgiveness, the woman takes him back, and then it will start all over again once the "honeymoon" phase is over. It's the cycle of violence. Stay there and feed the fire....but you will get burned!!

2006-09-21 08:56:20 · answer #3 · answered by yokrem 2 · 1 0

I couldn't stay. I have never been hit by a boyfriend or my husband so I can only imagine. But if I were you I would ask my self weather or not the relationship is worth it. No one knows the details of your relationship but you. Ask yourself why you you guys got together in the first place. Was he already drinking? How do you know he is'nt going to start again? Understand that he has been in jail for three months? He isn't sober cause he wants to be... he is sober because he has no other option.

2006-09-21 08:53:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

Sweetie, when someone is in jail they will promise the moon! To find out if he's really serious I would ask him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. If he truly wants to stay sober he'll attend, if he was just blowing hot air he'll probably say he doesn't need them. If that happens I would leave, you can't help a person that doesn't want to help themselves. Good luck!

2006-09-21 09:47:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

NO! Once a guy hits you, he'll do it again. It will be the hardest thing (to walk away) you'll ever do, it will also be the best!!! There are alot more fish in the sea that will treat you the way you deserve. Life is to short to be fighting all the time, and also to have that threat of violence hanging over your relationship all the time isn't healthy. Good Luck!

2006-09-21 08:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by jt 3 · 3 0

How many times we ear that? a lot , maybe his been sober because he was in jail when he hit you but you know every time a men says I won't hit you again its not true it happens to me and he was sober but ask yourself if you really wan to give him another chance.

2006-09-21 09:01:15 · answer #7 · answered by ella? 2 · 0 0

I would give him another chance AFTER he has been sober for at least 12 months. If you give him another chance before he changes, you are rewarding him for nothing.
what's he going to do when he's out of jail? Go to AA? Does he have a support system in place? Did he truly quit drinking, or was he forced to stop because he was in jail?
IF he gets into a treatment program and
IF he stops drinking and
IF he's sober for 12 months
maybe then you can consider another chance.
I

2006-09-21 08:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2 1

He could be much easier to get along with if he maintains his sobriety. You should give him probation -- date him as long as he goes regularly to AA meetings and stays sober. Don't have children with him, move in with him, or marry him until he has been sober (NO drinking) for at least a full year. Even then, don't assume he will never have a relapse, and you should then consider going to Al-Anon, a support group for spouses & relatives of alcoholics.

2006-09-21 08:52:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

No.

He has hit you once and once that Rubicon has been crossed, it can eaily occur again.

He's been sober for three months in jail as they have no booze there. When he gets out, will he fall back into his ways?

If you fight constantly, you will continue to fight, as he cannot control himself.

My aspect is promises mean nothing; actions count.

I can only answer for me.

It is time to move on with your life, but not with him.

2006-09-21 08:56:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Keep your guard up. Realize that he is an alcoholic you both need counseling and that relapses happen. Also remember he is in jail and will promise the world at this moment.
I can not give you should you yes or no advise sorry.

2006-09-21 08:52:32 · answer #11 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 2 0

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