My husband and I dated for a year before getting married. In that year, I found pictures and videos of naked women on his computer twice. The second time was a week before our one year anniversary. I was very hurt and almost left him. He said he was sorry and could not live without me and I forgave him, but I told him that I couldn't trust him anymore...but he assured me he would not do that again and he wanted to earn my trust back, so I gave him the chance. A month later, I was pregnant and we got married. (I was on birth control). Now its two months later, and I found more pictures on his computer that he was hiding!! To me this feels like cheating. I feel like I am competeing against these sluts. It demeans me. furthermore, he pretends to be this person who is against that kind of thing. how do I get him to understand this and stop lying to me. I no longer trust him, and when I look at him, all I can see are those pics. I'm 4 months prego and need advice.
2006-09-21 08:27:50 · 16 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you both need counseling
You need to get over your issues with naked pictures - it's just something he likes to look at and it doens't mean he doens't like to look at you - and in no way are you "competing" with sluts. It is just a visual stimulation for him - it doens't mean he is in love with them. From his perspective, you look like an irrational psycho when you freak about something, that to him is ONLY pictures. It isn't an affair. It's just naked pictures that turn him on. it doens't demean you. You should be happy he has a healthy sex drive.
On the other hand, he needs to get over his issues of hiding things from you and lying about it. That is what is demeaning to you - the hiding and the lying.
but you need marriage counseling ASAP.
2006-09-21 08:30:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he has a problem and he needs some counseling. Mainly because he has a problem with lying and looking at naked women on his computer. It's normal for a guy to look at things of this nature once and a while but to have it saved on the computer is a bit impulsive. Which leads me to think he has an obsession with this stuff which is becoming unhealthy for this marriage. If he doesn't deal with this problem this marriage is going to fall a part in which it is already starting to do. Because when you can't trust someone it's stressful cause you are always worried about what that person is doing or will do and lye about. In your case you don't need this kind of stress cause it will affect the child your carrying. You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart with him and tell him that you can't deal with this any more. Either he has to go and get counseling or allow you to move on cause it's not far to you to have to go through all this pain. But in the mean time try and focus on you and the baby cause all this stress is no good for the baby nor you. He has to choose to either get help or allow you to move on and find happyness else where. Good Luck sweetie
2006-09-21 08:51:08 · answer #2 · answered by liliw24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..,i was married with the guy that am surely he would be honest and take good care,the first 2 years we`re very happy like other couple ,3 yrs later i found something wrong as porn magazine,sex guide magazine,xxxxdvd then i was shocked in that moment i tried to opened my mind , may be just the guys things that i`d hope to do so even i was hurt.,still...he came back home late in the morning some time, he was liar,i`d tried to understand him not argue but very hard to accepted, hard to communication it totally was different chanel ,we`ve discuss alot of things but he still pretending to be a good actor,the situation worsening and my pressure have limitation after he was confessed he`s love me but he can`t dump the other one, how do i stayed with him sucha selfish .I`d have been though whole night if contenue to live with him could be only one result was* Nil * to me bcz he doesn`t have respect,responsibility, chairity, commonsense,honestly.,trusty and i do really hate to share husband with other,unhappy ,agony and suffering seem to be stupid loser,i leave him without q&a ,i was pregnant too,5 months baby in my belly.My parent,my friends,my baby are my triple gems.I`m happy with 6yrs daugther and i won`t regreat that i left him.Everybody can give u comments and advises but u r the one who knows him most.You should get to know him more and open minded unless u do or do not to be base upon durable and compromise.-*Man is the hunter, woman his game- *A husband is a saint abroad,but a devil at home* *Few men are conscious of their own faults* *The difficulty in life is the making of a choice*. Good luck
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2006-09-21 12:27:02 · answer #3 · answered by H.O.P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's sad that he has naked pictures on his computer.It depends what's disrespectful to you.I would never let my husband cheat of course,but strip clubs and things of that nature don't bug me what so ever,but some of my friends would never allow it.I'm sorry that your pregnant,but having a child is no excuse to marry a person you don't trust.If you didn't trust him before,being married is even worse.I find when guys do this is because they are feel they are missing something out of their relationship.I am the wife that all my husbands married friends talk to because they can't talk to their wives and i hear things like that over and over.Does it make it right,no not at all,but instead of going off on him(which most women do when they don't like something)ask him what's going on.What don't you two have to where he feels the need to do this.Sometimes you catch more fly's with honey then you do vinegar.
2006-09-21 08:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by just wondering 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this honey but if you don't have trust now you won't have it later. The worst thing in the world to try to do is gain someone's trust back because your going to be forever thinking they are up to something. I know its not what you want to hear but there is nothing else to say. You shouldn't have to feel like your competeing against no other woman for your husband. Your just gonna have to really let him know how you feel about this. You can't change a man no matter what you think. They might appear changed at first but they'll always convert back to their old ways. NO relationship can survive without trust!
2006-09-21 08:39:29 · answer #5 · answered by K@t 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Baby Girl:
When you first started with this man, he was looking @ these porn pics. You confronted him, he apologized and you forgave him not once, not twice but THREE TIMES. If you felt so strong in the beginning, you should have nipped it in the butt the very first time. Women get what they allow people to do to them. You're a STRONG woman. GOD gave you the strength to survive w/wo a man. You have two choices; if you can deal w/it, stop whining. If you can't, get up and go. You'll be alright.
2006-09-21 09:06:50 · answer #6 · answered by hope 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are the pics of random PORN? if so this should be no issue my hubby and i BOTH have general porn on both our computers. We don't know the women or men involved are not trying to meet them or anything it's just a sexual visual aid. If he talks to these people they are not porn stars they are people he's trying to meet I'd leave. I am just kinda confused about the context of the pics. I think it's shallow and shows low self esteem to not allow porn in the home. I've never been jealous of chasy lane or Debbie dose Dallas. i'm 7 months pregnant still not concerned if my husband looks at other women as long as he keeps his hands to himself.
2006-09-21 08:34:00 · answer #7 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grow up or you'll drive him away with your silly insecurity. There's nothing wrong with looking at pictures. It only feels like cheating and competing because you tell yourself that's what it is, but it's not. Get some perspective and stop flipping out over trivial things.
2006-09-21 08:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? If you do, then just give it time. Work through the feelings you have with him. Speak to him about how it makes you feel and that it has ruined the trust you have in him. Once trust is lost, you have to earn it back. Are you going to give him the chance to earn it back? If so, then let him. It's is up to him to never ever give you any reason to doubt him, but it may never be enough. He needs to know that his choice has created this and that you may or may not get over it. You should talk to someone, for yourself. Then, you may need to go together to talk to someone.
2006-09-21 08:40:32 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
GET OUT FAST! You don't need this man or the stress he's gonna bring to you and your unborn child. You'll worry yourself sick over whether or not he's cheating or whatever...especially while you're pregnant. Your hormones are raging right now, you want someone to be there for you, not one who's gonna do what he wants while his pregnant wife sits home......being pregnant!!! If he can't be honest with you about what he's doing, he's not worthy of being with you. You deserve so much more than what he has to offer girl. You don't need to be on the search for a new man to father your child, but you do need to get out and learn to be independant. You obviously can't depend on him. Do you want your child growing up with these "values" of dad's??? Probably not. I know it won't be easy, but for the sake of you and that baby, I'd leave ASAP.
2006-09-21 08:43:02 · answer #10 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋