we lived together for over five years. it has been quite an up and down roller coaster with the exception of the last couple of years, they were pretty good in comparison to our first few years. we got married, had a great honeymoon and i thought things would really start looking up for us. when we got back she started becoming distant and pulling away. i could feel that something was missing in the way she kissed me and we stopped having sex. i asked her what was going on. she bounced over all these different things and to sum it up, she wasn't happy. but she wasn't willing to go to counseling either. she began talking to an old boyfriend about things and another guy living a few states away. i began to resent her for that and finally a couple days ago she said she was done, she made a mistake and she can't help the way she feels. is it normal for me to feel so much hatred towards her right now given the circumstances? how do we get past this? we have a 4 year old daughter
2006-09-21 07:51:36 · 13 answers · asked by imagineus2night 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
together. and we are still living under the same roof until we are able to sell the house. but for these past 6 months i was jumping through hoops trying to save our marriage, trying to prove myself to her and she said be patient, so i was. then she admitted she hasn't loved me for a long time but she tried to. how do we cope with this if we intend on staying in the same house??? how do i get past these emotions, get over her and start my life over?
2006-09-21 07:53:44 · update #1
I am almost sure that she's already cheating on you. You don't have any children, so just move on,
2006-09-21 07:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
bro i feel your pain. two days before i got married, my wife said she had cold feet. that was after everyone was already in town. she's battled trust and communication issues with me from her prior relationships for almost as long as i've known her (been together 3 yrs; married for 1 1/2). i said that it was ok if she didn't want to do it. well now we're still battling the same issues and it has been very hard at times and i honestly don't know what the future holds any more than you know about the future of your own marriage. so i understand where you're coming from. all you can do is tell her you love her and will support her and you will give her time to think. then back off and perhaps stay with a friend or family member but talk to her still to make sure she and your girl are ok. maybe through this she'll get to know that you are a good guy. good luck.
2006-09-21 16:43:18 · answer #2 · answered by Bruce Wayne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so wierd! I went through the exact same thing quite
a few years ago, so obviously it's not "that" wierd. I won't say it's easy, or completely pain free, because that would be a lie. I know what you're feeling, and I'm sorry. We also had a daughter, but she was 7 years old, and "that"
is where and why some of the difficulty comes in. We lived together for 3 years, then got married, "then" he admitted he realized he didn't love me. Okay, so now what? It was hard, because in my case, he started seeing a woman he worked with & they were intimate. I "had" to put my daughters feelings up front to a large degree, and stop being mad. Being mad only made it to where "he" had better control over important things,like "me." So I used more self control, filed for a divorce, and gained full custody of our daughter. The reason for this was his obvious habits, which could have hurt our daughter. As long as you lose control, she has control over you. And this is how "I" got through this pain & misery. I decided that since it was over, & I didn't have any fight left in me? I learned how to put all of the "good"
memories we had together, in a "good memory" bank.
I simply took all of the fights, bad names, and misery that had been between us, and threw them away. If she is a good Mother, this works even better. And don't misunderstand me, It "wasn't" easy, but with time and effort, it works wonders! And if nothing else, you can mentally thank her for not waiting 35 or 40 years before telling you her "true" feelings. Now you still have time to love another.....and believe "me", she's out there. Good luck, and God bless.
2006-09-21 15:55:31 · answer #3 · answered by Republican!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it'll be very hard to get over something like that while living under the same roof. Sorry this has happened, how unfortunate. It's sad but true that sometimes people work really hard to convince themselves that what they wish to be true really IS true. They manage to pull it off for a while, but it blows up in everyone's face later. I can relate to how you feel, the person I was married to for 3.5 years left suddenly one day, with no prior indication that he felt something was going wrong in our marriage. He made this decision on his own, and simply informed me of it. It's very hard to bear. But one just has no choice but to move on! Try to do your best to change your living arrangements as soon as you possiibly can. Staying in the same house while going through this is just not good all the way around. I went to stay with a friend for a few days until I found a new place to live. Good luck.
2006-09-21 14:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my,, This I know is very hard on you, Yes dear get pass this and move on in your life, she made the mistake and believe me one day she will really know her mistake, Find you a woman in time that gives and cares about you as much as you do about her. Let your wife go but take care of your child no matter what. I know how you feel about hatred I am just now after 8 months getting over my hatred for my ex. It is a up hill battle that you fight every day, but know that in time it will get better, i did not believe that when people told me that but it will hold your head up high and know that there is something better for you out there good luck to you.
2006-09-21 14:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by Alley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it's completely normal for you to feel hatred. We get angry in response to being hurt and you are feeling deeply hurt. Try to get her to go to a marriage counselor with you. If she will not go with you then get some counseling on your own to help you deal with this. Seek support from your family and friends. Let them know that you are going through a tough time and let them help you out. Also, it might be a good idea to get some counseling for your daughter and make sure that she is able to cope with this OK. Are you OK financially? Hang in there. Be proud of yourself for trying to make things work. Let the counselor help you sort out what to do next.
2006-09-21 14:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by pamgissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people do change after marriage, they stop trying to keep the relationship going because divorce is harder than just saying "see ya"! But your situation seems different. I dont understand why she agreed to be married in the first place?
Just love your daughter and be the best father you can be!
2006-09-21 15:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by coralyn m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for last five years wow, also she end it now and for only 6 months of newlywed.. so that mean you should be great ful she end it now than 20 years later... and hardest part to see your daughter go. and that is sure hard enough for you. But at the same time make sure you keep in touch with your daughter don't give up on her. who cares about wife now but main thing is yoru daughter you care about the most!
2006-09-21 15:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leaver her and tell her to go live with the guys she is talking to. She is an immature brat and just wanted to have a fairy tale wedding. Now reality has struck and the fun part is over and reality has set in. She needs to grow up
Send her and her bags packing and get on with your life with someone who loves you and wants a future with you.
She is playing games and you are worth so much more.
2006-09-21 14:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having babies before you are married is always a huge complication! You both need to ralize that you are the parents of that little girl, and because of that, you will aways be in each other lives. I would try to move on.
2006-09-21 14:55:30 · answer #10 · answered by ladydragondale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change and sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person, it just happens.
As for your feelings and all, everyday it gets better.
Don't worry about your daughter, as long as mommy and daddy still ove her then she will be ok.
Hang in there.
2006-09-21 15:02:13 · answer #11 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋