i know i have posted a couple of questions regarding this matter, but i guess i need more advisement. i also know this is not the way to find advice, but i feel that maybe if it came from normal people, it might help me. and this is my only choice for now. my husband , mid eastern, married 9 years, no kids, does not give me the feeling that he loves me. i talk myself into thinking he does for 9 years. why doesn't he love me? i am always improving myself to look better, always made sacrifices for him, worked hard for him, loved him as much as i could, and nothing pays off. i have invested so much in this marriage. he has no interest in me. i have met his family overseas and they like me. i am open minded as far as his culture is concerned so that is not the issue either. i never feel good enough for him. he does not even appreciate all that i have done for him. so why is it so hard to let go of him? i cant leave him, i feel so sad. there is no talking to him. what to do..
2006-09-21 07:33:11 · 17 answers · asked by mercedes1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me add, the reason why i can't leave him, is simply this, i love him. although i know it is not a good marriage, i just can't stop. why i am doing this to myself i don't know.
2006-09-21 08:38:59 · update #1
Try not always being there for him. Try to not ALWAYS be pleasing him. Go about your everyday tasks, and DO NOT put so much effort into pleasing him. He will see a difference. You are a person also. You can not live your life just for one man. If you start paying attention to yourself, he will see you are a real person, and not someone who he should just take for grainted. And maybe think that if he lost you , where would he be. and Then maybe he will start paying attention to you.
2006-09-21 07:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by jacquieb323 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off he is from different sides of the world and we all look at life differently, I am sure he loves you but only in a way that he knows how which is different from the way you know how.
You need to look within and find your happiness stop trying so hard to please him and start pleasing yourself. You can't change the way he is or change the way he loves you and even though it isn't enough for you you have to turn things around and tell youself that it is enough.
If there is no talking to him then you have to work on communication skills b/c that is up to you weather or not you can talk to him or not...
Stop trying to be better and be happy with who you are...Do not look at all the things you have done for him and what you do for him you do things b/c you want to not so that he'll love you more or so he'll give you credit for those things... Good luck don't be sad do something about it! Do more for you! Pamper yourself and get some self esteem back!
2006-09-21 14:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my ex boyfriend and what you should do is.... Since you've already made some changes with your appearnce, ask yourself if you like what you've done with yourself and if you do then you just treat yourself to a day out alone. I know it might sound crazy and I now you're tired of being alone, but just listen. Choose a day to papmer yourself all day long (breakfast, shopping, massage, etc.) and then go out that nite and have a good time because you deserve it. If you decide to take someone with you, make sure they're someone who won't bring you down because that's the last thing you need. Keep in mind: Don't think about him and don't do the things you used to do. Basically just think about YOU and YOUR children because that's really all that matters! Good Luck! Use reverse psychology when dealing with. Just don't pay any attention to him and dn't do anything else for him.
2006-09-21 14:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Ambi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first, the fact that you have done so much to try to make yourself " better" for him tells me that you have some existing issues with your own self worth and self image. This can be a large reason you feel like you cannot let him go. You may be frightened that you won't find someone else, or of feeling like 'you' failed in your marriage. I also notice you did not say that you love him, do you?
There are also many men who are emotionally distant and do not offer any positive reinforcment to thier wives. Some women are fine with that but I can see that you are not. I think you should try councelling if you want to save the marriage that much, but otherwise I would say leave, learn to love yourself again, then find someone more in tune with your needs.
2006-09-21 14:44:21 · answer #4 · answered by phillip g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're limiting your options by thinking that you "can't" do this or that. There are things you CAN at least consider.
1) You can *always* leave. It's hard, and it can be even harder under certain circumstances (financial hardship, lack of support from friends and family). But bottom line is, it IS possible to leave and recover. In the US of A, there's gotta be a place for you to go - compared to some other countries, there's a lot of freedom in doing what you want to do.
2) If you choose to stay, you have to figure out your strategy. You can't keep beating your head on a brick wall for the rest of your life. You have to learn to accept his attitude, ignore it, find other things to occupy yourself, etc.
My feeling is that sometimes you just have to throw in the towel and say, enough's enough. You only live once. We all make mistakes, there's no shame in admitting it and learning from it. Don't feel that you can somehow fix your mistake by perperuating it. See a counselor, seek advice from a trusted friend. You might be supprised to find the support you need at this difficult time.
2006-09-21 14:48:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try giving him an ultimatum but mean what you say before you do it and be prepared to go ahead with your ultimatum.
Try something completely different like changing your routine, this will grab his attention and don't answer the phone everytime he rings - pretend you left it in the car. If you are feeling that he may have another love interest and you can afford it, hire a private eye.
Hope this helps you, Good luck!
2006-09-21 14:39:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm interested to know the reasons as to why you say you can't leave him. Anybody can leave anybody. You always have a choice. Apparently he is just plain and simple not interested in meeting you on your need level. Life is to short and we are all looking for and need happiness. I think you are right in your assessment as to the validity of this forum for answers to your questions. I strongly encourage that you seek professional counseling for YOURSELF and seriously consider the advice that you receive in doing so. Take care of YOURSELF n' good luck.
2006-09-21 14:51:18 · answer #7 · answered by BECB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you think he will go for counseling? if you are not happy, and feel that this marriage is going no where, as hard as it is for you, you have to think of yourself. If you do not leave, later on he is going to leave, and retire to his home land, with out you. This happen a lot, they miss their people, and country. after they have made their money, they are able to go back home and live comfortable.
2006-09-21 14:44:06 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to talk to him about how you are feeling? Have you asked him to go to marriage counselling?If none of this has worked then I suggest you to some for yourself. You are supposed to be his wife not his roommate. Basically you need some SELF respect, because he is not giving it to you. You some get some backbone and get out on your own and learn to love yourself, inside. Learn to be happy with yourself.
2006-09-21 14:48:28 · answer #9 · answered by oddbutterfly1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all does he not come from a culture that believes woman are beneath men? There is no reason for you to stay with a man that disrespects you and does not show you love.
2006-09-21 14:41:14 · answer #10 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋