If your husband/wife did something twice that hurt you deeply AND they knew that it would - does that make you a doormat if you forgive him/her?
2006-09-21 06:57:35 · 45 answers · asked by jenlovely01 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, just means you are a forgiving person willing to work at your marraige, which not enough people do now a days
2006-09-21 06:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've forgiven my husband more than twice for the same thing, and I suppose I'd forgive him again if he does it again! LOL I just believe a marriage is a work in progress. I was divorced before (not my choice) and I vowed that if I got lucky enough to fall in love again, I would fight to make it everlasting. There are some things that couples encounter that are so hurtful that they might require therapy or sessions with their pastor. But just as God forgave us for the unspeakable things we do, we should have the capacity to forgive others.
2006-09-21 07:08:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it really depends on what it is that your partner did that makes the difference, on whether is is forgivable or not. Also how much does it hurt. If it is making you feel like a doormat, it doesn't sound to good. No one wants to feel like that. You should stop it as soon as possible. Your self esteem is at risk
2006-09-21 07:37:36 · answer #3 · answered by oddbutterfly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you forgive him/her, then so be it, but if you told anyone about the behavior, and then you expect THEM to forgive, it wont happen, and then they will always question you, so keep it really private, okay? I was cheated on and talked to my family about it, then went back to him twice, then after forgiving him, my family started treating him bad and said I could forgive if I wanted to but they did not have to, and it got ugly, and we ended up seperated anyway, and I hated that, but hey, if I had kept my mouth shut then I wouldnt have faced what I did. Talk to a preacher, or someone like a counslour, but never ever ever a friend or family member, no matter how badly you want to, okay? My two cents from experience :)
2006-09-21 07:19:19 · answer #4 · answered by cricketwinner@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think it's stupid to forgive a spouse twice for something they've done more than one time, it just means that you are more willing to be a better kind of person than one who doesn't forgive. But just remember, that if and when it becomes an intolerable habit for your spouse to treat you this way you are able to leave and I don't believe anyone would blame you. Be strong and wise.
2006-09-21 07:41:36 · answer #5 · answered by JUST ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fool me once "Shame on you" Fool me twice "Shame on me"
I don't like the term "Stupid" that you may be using to describe yourself. Did you love that person so much that you gave them a 2nd chance to hurt you again? Yes! But does that make you stupid? No!
I would think that only a wise person would be doubting if they can ever trust their spouse again in this circumstance.
Instead of taking it upon yourself to figure out if your spouse will remain trustworthy, you would do better to put the full responsibility of regaining your trust on to him/her.
Set clear boundaries, make it clear that you will only accept complete honesty. People who have nothing to hide, hide NOTHING. Tell him/her that the next time you even suspect that he/she is going to hurt you again, then it's over. That way there will be a pre-stated consequence for the person to think about the next time temptation arrives.
You won't be a doormat unless you do nothing in response to being hurt by your spouse.
2006-09-21 07:17:49 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think that is stupid or that it makes you a doormat. As long as you are forgiving him/her for the right reasons. You need to tell that person that you are a decent person and that is why you forgive, let them know that you can stand on your on two feet and survive (make it). As long as they understand that it is THEM that are getting a chance with you, it is OK to forgive.
Forgiving is a good virtue. You are the better person.
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Forgive me for always saying You all the time but that is just the way I express myself. I did not mean you literally.
2006-09-21 07:08:24 · answer #7 · answered by Boricua Born 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah definetly that makes u a doormat
if u keep on forgiving the person for hurting u it will never stop that person will take advatage of u and never change and u will always be the doormat so stop forgiving that person put your foot down
2006-09-21 12:19:54 · answer #8 · answered by Cat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as they know that you're going to forgive them, they will continue to do the same thing. You will eventually become their doormat. Let them know that you're not going to put up with it anymore. Move on.
2006-09-21 07:03:33 · answer #9 · answered by Sammie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
forgive..but pull away this time..let them feel that you aren't going to accept their behavior..don't be the same, happy go lucky person you were before..they hurt you and may do it again..it doesn't make you a doormat at all..and don't listen to friends and family..this is YOUR life and if you want the realationship to last work at it..fix the problems
2006-09-21 07:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by LONG ISLAND GIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not stupid at all. We all make mistakes at times and if i were in that situation i would forgive them no matter what they did, i suppose i care too much but if i were the one to cause the hurt i would not expect them to forgive me.
2006-09-21 07:50:42 · answer #11 · answered by Chappers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋