Would you be offended?

Question

i am just beginning my 4th month of pregnancy. I have always been a really petite girl, and although I can tell that I've gained like 10 lbs and so can my husband, no one else can really notice yet. My husband and I were visiting some of his moms friends and I am in a living room full of people I have never met before when his moms friend asks about my pregnancy. I tell her that I am 16 weeks pregnant. She replies, "Where... well you're gonna have a tiny baby". I defend myself, saying well I've already gained like 10 pounds, I've just always been really small. So my mother-in-law chimes in " Ya, she's gained some weight, she looked anorexic before". I was so embarrassed and humilliated I got up crying and went to the bathroom. I've never had an eating disorder I just have a fast metabolism. I just couldn't believe she said that, and in a room full of people I had just met. I couldn't stop crying and I told my husband to take me home. What would you do? Would u be offended?

She burst into the bathroom, where I was crying, and said "That just came out wrong"..... And then wouldn't get out of my way so that I could escape her shallow excuse of an apology. I cried all the way home. My husband said "Don't let her bother you so much." and my sister in law said "Oh, my mom has just never had a way with words". i am really offended and pi**ed off. I really don't want to see or speak with her. I keep thinking... When my child is born and is naturally thin, like me. Is she going to tell my child that he/she looks anorexic? I just don't know what to do. When it happened I just kept telling her "It's cool, whatever, I'll get over it". I just really wanted her to get away from me, so that I could leave. It happened last sunday and it's still bothering me. Help!

Answer 1

Unfortunately I have several family members like that, especially my own mother. I am petite also, and when I said I would be breast-feeding she immediately said "with what? that poor baby is going to starve to death!" in front of everyone! To make it worse she makes that comment every time she sees me now because she thinks its hilarious, and the last time it prompted a conversation about my weight gain which ended up with half my family and the neighbors talking about how much better I look now because I finally have some curves, and one person even went as far as to tell me that I had looked like a skeleton on my wedding day (!!!!) and compared my figure to that of a twelve year old boy! Yes it hurts to hear these things, and I do get offended, but all I do is smile and bear it because I know it is not malicious and nobody is trying to hurt my feelings, so why let it bother me? I doubt your mother in law even realized she had said something that would upset you until you reacted so strongly. I think you should just let it roll off your back, and maybe practice some snappy comebacks, like "maybe i'm too skinny now, but i'm sure by the time I'm your age I'll have let myself go too." or "I'm not as lucky as you. I still have to worry about my figure."

Answer 2

I can see your being offended about it, but I wouldn't take it too badly. I also am very small and have been called anorexic, though I eat a lot and have never even been close to having an eating disorder. My grandma went through a phase where she thought I was anorexic. Every time we got together as a family I could expect that she would ask me if I'd been eating enough and try to get me to eat more (even right after a meal). I didn't let it really bother me. Everyone who is close to me knew that I was perfectly healthy. Remember that some of the hurt feelings could be pregnancy hormones. Also, many people don't realize that it's possible to offend a thin person by saying how thin they are. They only know it's rude to call someone fat. She may have thought you'd take it as a compliment. There aren't so many naturally thin people out there anymore in America.

Answer 3

You had a right to be offended, but just try and let it go. Frankly, most women at 16 weeks probably haven't gained much more than you have, it is not unusual, especially with a first pregnancy, to show late. It was in very bad taste for her to say that, and as long as your doctor says you and the baby are healthy, i wouldn't worry about it. And the amount of weight you gain is not an indication of how big or small the baby will be. Next time she says something tacky, just make some witty comment and put her in her place. Like if she says your baby will be tiny, say "We hope so! We really hope it is a midget because we have always had a dream of our child being in the circus!"

Answer 4

I do understand why you were offended and hurt by the comment. Close friends and family often joke about each others faults and thats ok in the right place and time. A room full of people you don't know was NOT the right place or time for such a comment. I don't believe she meant anything by it. I feel that if she had said that in a room full of people that you were comfortable with it would not have had the impact that it had on you and you may have even been able to laugh it off and come back with a comment of your own. I do, however, think you should forgive her, because I doubt if there was any malice behind the comment. This is my opinion having been in similar situations. Congrats and the best of luck on your pregnancy.

Answer 5

*hugs* I get comments like that a lot, thanks to a fast metabolism also. I there with you, sister! When people say stuff like that, I smile and bear it or say that I'm really lucky cuz I love food so much, but don't have to deal with watching every bite like it's the enemy. Most people just don't think that it would bother someone to say "looks like an anorexic." That's a disease, not a metaphor!
Next time you see the mom-in-law tell her that you're sorry you took it so to heart, but it really hurt you that she would say something like that when she was the only person you KNEW there. Sharing is caring may be b.s., but she needs to be more caring if she's gonna be a grandmother.
Congrats on the baby and I hope all goes well. Don't worry, you're gonna be a balloon if my sister was anything to go by. She was skinny until about the sixth month.

Answer 6

YES! They had no right to treat you that way. This is your first baby and of course you might look a little like your anorexic, that because the baby is taking a lot of nutrition from your body to grow. Just eat more and pay no mind to what your husbands mom's friends or your mother-in-law think or say. If they bring it up again just ask them what was it like when you were pregnant and that will switch the focus on them and off of you. Try it and see if it works. By the way are you taking pre-natal vitamins.

Answer 7

I was told the same thing when I was pregnant, don't take offense to it. At least people think you look healthy now and that's a good thing. Gaining ten pounds is nothing that I don't think is enough, I gained 45 pounds during my pregnancy and I thought and everyone else thought I looked good. You shouldn't be so concerned about your weight, people might think your starving the baby. People will voice their own opinions and they have the right to especially in their own home, and you just have to let it go and get over it.

Answer 8

Well, just be glad that you're thin and not fat..could you imagine the comments then?? Being thin is nothing to be ashamed of. I almost wish someone would tell me I looked anorexic..but then again I've had some weight problems and hormone problems throughout my life so I wish I were thin like that. Don't let it bother you. I mean what she said was sh*tty and she shouldn't have said that. You can't help how you are and you shouldn't feel ashamed...even with her stupid comment. All that matters if that you are happy with yourself and you know that you have never had an eating disorder and that's that. I could almost bet you that she said that because she is really jealous of you and your size. Most women want to be thin..almost too thin now-a-days and well, I just have a feeling she had to make you feel bad because she feels bad about herself and her own appearance...especially with you being so thin and pregnant! try not to let that get to you. Let her say her stupid comments but don't take them to heart. Be happy with who you are! And enjoy your pregnancy!! Best of luck! Chin up!

Answer 9

no honey, don't be upset! First of all nothing is more beautiful than a pregnancy. If you were tiny before, they probably hated you for being one of the few lucky ones. Now you are in the 4th months and only gained 10lbs? Thats because you have a small frame, and its probably a lot of water. Just continue to eat healthy, but enough and hold your head up high for being a mother to be (which is automatically beautiful) and one of those girls we all hate who will lose the baby pouch in like a week and be back to her normal size. I envy you, tell the haters to kiss your pregnant booty and tell them you have never been happier that'll really make 'em shut up. Oh, and congrats!!

Answer 10

This question was so close to home. My mother in law had a hay day with my pregnancy I use to be very little and after I had my 2 children I am now heavy and okay with myself but evry chance she gets she digs at me. Your Horomones are on high right now and it makes it worse. Someday confront her on this or it will just worse for you, and don't expect your husband to do it, that never turns out well. Good Luck an you will be showing soon enough and will be the cutest pregnant woman they have even seen with your little round belly. Congrats