My husband and I are in the middle of a divorce because he was unfaithful. The only time he offers financial help to me and our son is when I go out of my way to be nice/civil to him. I feel guilty because I feel like I am being nice just to have a good outcome in court when I really am furious and don't want to speak to him at all unless it has to do with our son. Is it wrong for me to act overly-nice to him to produce a good outcome for my son and I in court?
2006-09-21 06:45:48 · 16 answers · asked by jenni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forget what it will get you in court...Be nice and civil to him regardless, and do it for your son. You are getting a divorce, and do not have to live with him or socialize with him, but don't be ugly because of what has happened. That will only hurt your son. My Ex was ugly through the entire divorce and for months after and the girls all look at her different now because of it. I stayed nice no matter what she said, did or how she acted. Both of my older girls have expressed to me how much that has meant to them. Take the high road, be nice. That does not mean you approve of what he did or that you want him back or like him even. Just do it for your son...It is worth it, I promise...
2006-09-21 06:53:08 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a means to an end. Do what you have to do. The only person that really matters in this whole situation in your son. You may not like the rest of this answer. You need to remain civil with your ex for the sake of your son. His needs of a father outweigh yours. You are emotional about what happened. That is understandable. As long as he is making the effort to be a good father to his son (your son belongs to both of you) stay civil, your life will be much calmer for it. Whatever happened between the two of you is over, DO NOT use your son as an emotional pawn against him. You'll do damage to your son more than his father. Damage that will come back to haunt you when he is old enough to fully understand what you were doing.
2006-09-21 06:56:36 · answer #2 · answered by BDWW 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretend to be nice until you heal, and then be nice/civil all the time. It's bad enough that you are going through a divorce with a child who probably doesn't understand right now what's going on. Don't complicate his future with his father because YOU are angry. My opinion, you should have separated first to give yourself time to calm down and make a rational decision as to whether to throw away your marriage over an affair. You've got some growing up to do to be able to cope with what the world tosses you. Marriages have their ups and downs and it takes a good woman/man to forgive and honor the "better or worse" part of you wedding vows. Divorce is really hard on children, they never really get over it, they just learn how to cope. Don't make your son suffer the consequences of your anger with you.
2006-09-21 06:53:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, do not take what i'm about to assert for my section. what's inaccurate with you? This guy had raped your niece, touched your toddlers interior the incorrect strategies, and also you intend on writing him a freaking word? it truly is it? the acceptable aspect you should do is turn the psycho into the police because merely because he's not preying on your relatives anymore would not advise that he's not preying on different women. He ought to screw up another female's existence up. adult males like him are acceptable in treatment or reformatory. He received't supply up. Leaving him on the lose is like leaving a lion with a Chihuahua! do not imagine about merely your youngster's protection. imagine about different youthful toddlers, and how they could properly be afflicted by making use of this. And why ought to you even enable him close on your daughter's? He ought to threaten them or some thing! they are little women that does no longer be able to do some thing if he held them hostile to their will, and what in the experience that they were too afraid to do some thing about it? This guy merits no longer some thing from you or your toddlers. He threw that each one away at the same time as he desirous to do what he's doing. it ought to damage, yet you should imagine about what ideas set this guy is in. he's a freaking loopy psycho course, and also you're the only which desires to do some thing about it. solid luck, and be blessed.
2016-11-23 13:15:04 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You need to do this for your son. Why cause friction when this simple solution is before you and benefit from it. Its not like you are doing this to scam him, he owes this to you already and you need it. Plus, your son wont see the ugliness of divorce but 2 mature adults working out their differances. Keep up the good work.
2006-09-21 06:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think u should be nice to him. He did you wrong not the other way around. Yeah I think its important for u to try to get along with him like with son invlove and everything when its about him but other than that u dont owe him anything if anything he should be kissing your butt
2006-09-21 06:50:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No honey it's normal . I did it so he wouldn't hold up the divorce process. Then as soon as it was over I showed my true colors and told him what I thought of him at that point I needed to.I am glad I did it. You do what you have to
2006-09-21 06:53:08 · answer #7 · answered by Raineybaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree....absolutely nothing wrong. fyi....the courts will make a judgement on not what he wants, but what you need. he can say no to anything, but it doesn't matter if it's in the best interest of your son. but there's nothing wrong it making it just a tad bit easier for yourself stresswise.
2006-09-21 06:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all, it is best for your son to see that you two can get along.
2006-09-21 06:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by seilygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suzy, Give him a second chance. Don't divorce him. Come on, be a sport. You should be nice to him always.
2006-09-21 06:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋