Another Bedroom Question...?

Question

My wife and I have been friends with another couple for about six years. This other couple were married young, didn’t take much time to “sow their oats.” Last year, while on vacation with this other couple, they admitted to us that they had attended a “swinger’s party” because they had been curious about what it would be like to have an “open relationship” where they could stay married, but also be free to explore their fantasies with others outside of their relationship. But a problem arose when she ended up enjoying the experience far more than he did. Since then, the couple has been dealing with issues of jealousy and distrust of one another. My wife and I were not surprised by this and thought immediately that our friends should have expected this. But the question is, are we being too prudish? How many married couples have been involved in "Open relationships" or have attended a "swinger’s party?" If you have, did you find it pleasurable or did it create a rift between you and your significant other?

Just to clarify, we are not interested in getting involved in this sort of activity. But we were wondering if we were too harsh and judgmental about our friend’s decision to participate in an open relationship. We believed at the time, that there could be some serious emotional risks involved, to say nothing of the physical and health risks pointed out by one astute observer. It appears, based on most of the response so far, that we were not too far off base as many of the respondents have indicated that their experiences in this area lead to the eventual ruin of their relationships.

Thanks to all who took the time to respond.

Answer 1

I think you have only been judgmental if your friends did not ask for your advice and you condemned them -- that does not sound like what has happened. You're saying you and your wife thought they should have expected trouble. I agree!

When people share personal things with others, the audience will draw conclusions based on their own convictions.

I'm married, we don't swing, and even if we did I don't think I'd broadcast it to the world. An open marriage just doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me... and if that's prudish, I'm fine with it.

I hope you can "be there" for your friends during this hard time. Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 2

I personally would never swing. I think you marry someone because that is the only person you want to be with for the rest of your life. I would never want to imagine my husband with someone else. But, I did used to be friends with a couple who did swing. I was single at the time and I used to go out with the girl to clubs a lot. She would meet other girls and bring them home to share with her husband and she would also go home with men and her husband was also allowed to have sex with other woman. They agreed on this arrangement, I think it was even her idea, but if they were off doing it on their own, they agreed not to talk about it. They also went to swinger's parties together. This was 6 or 7 years ago and the last I heard they are still together. I guess everyone values sex in their own way. But I would never share my husband with anyone. I never did understand how my friends could share each other with other people.

Answer 3

Open marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each is free to engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without regarding this as sexual infidelity. There are multiple form of open marriages. Researchers have estimated that between 1.7 percent and 6 percent of married people are involved in open marriages.
You must however take into the account that all open marriages share common issues: the lack of social acceptance, the need to maintain the relationship as a couple, and the need to manage jealous rivalry. It is very serious decision to start such change in your marriage and you should think it over, Most open marriage fail.

Answer 4

That is horrible. Does no one value their vows anymore? Marriage is for two people to explore and experience each other. Not to bring anyone else in. They must be very insecure with their relationship if they feel the need to look else where. This is not normal and this is not what normal married couples do. Explore and experience each other.

Answer 5

Been offered this I dont want to do it. There are consequences for your actions. Might not be immediate but theres consequences. We took vows before Gods eyes. As much as a couple might think this would be great and a fantasy, you wont know honestly how you will feel once you have done the deed and I dont think a maybe is worth jeopardizing your marriage. Not to mention the possibility of catching an std. I've heard from others that is great to swing and they love it and it works for them. Thats great for them but not for me. My sex life w/my husband is great. I dont need it from someone else. I have set standards for myself and wont let my moral issues down for a quick fantasy.

Answer 6

My wife and I have had some open type experiences in the past. It brought us closer together, but we made eachother the focus of our extra-marital activities. I can see how getting into it to "sow your oats" could cause problems: you aren't there for each other, so you drift appart.

Answer 7

i dont think its normal, not only can it cause problems emotionally in the relationship and dont forget physical side effects (hint.hint..) i knew a couple who did this, and it pretty much ended up in the wife and another guy running off together! oops..not part of the game plan right?!

Answer 8

I have and am. You have to have a special bond with each other to be able to handle it. We both understand and like the fact that is only about the sex and the enjoyment of it. When it is all over, we go home, alone, together.

EDIT: What? if me and my wife are doing it and they are happy with it than it gets 2 thumbs down? The question was asked and I honestly answered it. If you don't like the answer, fine but you have no right to judge it people.

Answer 9

If there is true love there its going to cause problems. If there is real true love, you will be devoted and monogamous with one person and one only. That is a choice when you marry. If you arent ready or you cant be monogamous, you shouldnt be married. You should just be shacking up.

Answer 10

i think it's one of those things you should do either before you fall in love with the person you are in a relationship with, or after being married many many years, because then you will be secure enough with your marriage, knowing neither will leave.