How Do You Forgive A Husband With A Wandering Eye?

Question

It's been 10 years of me being worried he will cheat, then him flirting with a 19 year old co worker 4 years ago infront of me.
That is when I really should have left him, I just can't get over that, some may think it's lame but there is more to it.
Now, I'm to the point I don't care.
I don't want to look at him I don't want him to touch me, I have nothing left for him. I think I really lost every ounce of feelings about a week or so ago, we were at a resturant and he was eyeing the very young waitress everywhere she walked.
I thought it was me, and then I thought ok 1 more time, and he did it again.
I just wanted to walk out.
So yea, how do I get over it....
Especially when I don't care now...
Makes me want a divorce so I can be free again.

Answer 1

Well my dear, i am a man, and I am a very happy man. I can honestly tell you that I do not flirt, or have wondering eyes. That would be the rudest thing I could ever do to my wife....Thats what devotion is all about.

Answer 2

I am surrounded by men and honestly I don't know a man that doesn't look. Right down to my dad, my step dad, my brother, my uncle, to my husband! They are men and boys will be boys... There is no harm in looking but when it gets to the hand and touching is involved then and only then do you have something to worry about! Start looking at the guys not that this matters but it does help and do it infront of your husband. In a marriage there is no room for jealousy it is childish and does more harm then good, it effects the person who is jealous more then any other person. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and tell him it bothers you. There are ceratin times I am o.k. with it and other times I am not and it is his responsibility to know what my moods are and when he can look and when he can't if he's going to all! There are times I laugh at him what else can you do and why would you want to do anything else it is not means for divorce and it is not means for arguing. Have unconditional love with no limits you'll be much happier and a new found relationship between you and your husband will flower... Relax and trust that all is well, he can look all he wants but it really means nothing! It is not direspect unless he is doing it purposly to piss you off and/or he is doing it when others, other then you are noticing. How much disrespect are you showing him by not letting him "look" and by causing a sceen and arguing about it, let him be himslef, he is not afraid to show you that he is looking so why be afraid to let him look? Communicate and let the indivduals as you are combined with your marriage at a level of trust and acceptance have fun with this don't let it ruin things... Good luck!

Answer 3

sounds like you just want a divorce that is not always the answer to every problem in a marriage, sounds like you are looking for an excuse to be free. But talk to him tell him exactly how you feel he should be understanding and respect your wishes. But me personally I think all men have a wondering eye married or not there is a difference between looking, flirting, and cheating do you trust him? I tend to look at other women as well and I am married but I know my limit and will not cheat on my wife and did he actually flirt in front of you or was it your insecurities and jealousy

Answer 4

Men have roving eyes for many different reasons and without being in your marriage, I couldn't say why exactly. So, I'll just throw some advise out there and hope I hit a nerve, somewhere. You could try being sexy for him. It's a two way street, you know. Men have needs and as his wife, it's your duty and responsibility to meet them. I'm not saying that is an excuse for him to look elsewhere, I'm just saying, it opens the door for that kind of behavior. On the other hand, anything demeaning or painful, is not for the marriage bed and is something you should take up with councilor. It sounds like this has been a running fear of yours and I can sympathize with you, my dad did that to my mom and they are divorced and as a result I'm paranoid for my own marriage. I know when I worry about it, I become a real pain in the neck for my hubby and makes him enjoy me less. Trust is a cornerstone of all marriages, when it is compromised, trouble always ensues. You hubby should be working to win your trust but at the same time, you should be working to trust him, whether he is worthy of it or not. I strongly suggest you see a marriage councilor and take it from there. I hope that helps.

Answer 5

Well for one all men are going to check out the young girls because there are so many pretty YOUNG girls But They also need to remember that those young girls will grow old. It seems like your self esteem is very low. I am one of those low self esteem people and i am always being told I'm beautiful but I never believe it because in my mind I'm not. Don't let it bother you so much he's looking as long as he isn't touching etc. he maybe doing it also for his own self esteem problems. You cant tell me you haven't checked out a younger guy :) its a natural thing as long as it stays that way and doesn't go any further. But divorcing over him checking out younger girls seems a little extreme don't ya think?? Maybe you should start checking out the young guys in front of him and if he gets upset ask him how does it feel for it to be on the other foot. I hope i helped you some I know its hard and hurtful when your man checks out younger girls just let it go or it can cause you to get sick from stressing about it.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have already made your decision. Really think hard because free may not be what you think it is. I learned from my bestfriend a way to talk to someone. Sounds like you are not talking. Make sure no alchol is involved. Make a pot of coffee if you like. Sit on the bed or on the floor and make sure the whle time you are talking that you are touching in someway. Even if it is just your feet. It helps say things with out the other person being hurt because of the bond. Does he know how you feel? All guys eyes wonder at somepoint. Has he cheated? If so get rid of him. Or if you have cheated let him go. Guys are idiots when it comes to understanding us women and how not to hurt us. Like you have to tell them over and over again. I think you may still care because you are asking what to do.
I am on my 2nd marriage. First one my husband was a alcoholic and in the end I found out he did cocaine. He was in a roll over after 17years of marraige. I thought I was a god mother because I stayed and was mom, dad, cheerleading coach... My doc told me I was a bad mom because I was not protecting my kids. I was out with my kids within 1 year and I thank him for calling it the way it was.
My second marraige my husband was into porn. He made the promise he said to god never to look at it again. In which I did not ask him to so when I found porn on my computer 2 times. It got rocky. I was silent at first then cold then remember what Mark had taught me. Talk. Only you can know what is good for you but the grass is not always greener on that other side of the fence. No matter if you decide to stay or leave you owe it to talk.
Good luck. Think hard.

Answer 7

Well you know what? I was born in the mountains, and I love the views there, but sometimes the beach is also very nice to gaze upon. The Lord put an abundance of beauty in this world for each of us to marvel upon and I think your proclivity toward jeaoulsy is perhaps a little too well-developed and is clouding your own vision. Relax a little. Looking at a woman, or if you are a woman, looking at another man is hardly the crime of the century--and certainly not something over which to break up a marriage.

Answer 8

I think it's ok to look, but staring crosses the line. Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin. The fact that he does both in front of you is disrespectful. I don't cheat, but I've checked other people out when a partner wasn't around and if they happen to notice me doing it with them there, then I owe an apology. I would say he's already cheated when he shows more attention to a stranger than to his wife. Desparate times call for desparate measures, but tell him how his actions make you feel and if he disregards your feelings well, that's a bad relationship any day of the week.

Answer 9

Get over yourself. He's probably tired of your lame jealousy. If it is just a wandering eye it may be a bit loutish but you act like he's doing them. This is not cheating. There is nothing wrong with reading the menu if you are not ordering the entree. Are you really most upset that he does not look at you that way anymore?Come up with a good reason then divorce him. It appears that is what you really want.

Sweet Love Chops?, really?

Answer 10

First of all marriage is about trust, if you don't have that you have nothing. Now if you trust him what is wrong with him looking? As the old saying goes: Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu. At the end of the day at least you know he is coning home to you! Relax and go with the flow!

Answer 11

How do you get over it ? Think about each and every time he did those hurtful things to you. Think about the 10 yrs you have spent being paranoid. Think about the 19 yr old girl and how disrespectful he was to you that day. And last but no least think about what happened a week ago and realize that this has been going on for 10 yrs and doesn't seem to be stopping. Why do you need to forgive him ? Just divorce the jerk and find your happiness.