i was having an intimate friendship with a married man, we live miles apart and spoke regularly, now his wife found out by reading his mails and texts, should i try to contact him to put accross my side or just let sleeping dogs lie, and let us both get on with our lives and try to move on ? we both aleays knew this would never last or go anywhere
2006-09-21 05:34:56 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the thing is he has contacted me to talk, and deep down we are still close friends as no resentment is held between us and his wife is forgiving to him, as we havent slept together and only met for drinks a few times. thank you all for replies they have made me see different sides to the scenario. i guess i just needed others to tell me what i know deep down.
2006-09-21 09:38:06 · update #1
Problem with a site like this, all the 'know it alls' stick their ten penneth in without knowing the why's and wherefore's.
Yes obviously keep away
Yes we can all see that it was 'wrong'
but all you judges and jury's - don't judge other people unless you know all the facts.- and we don't know all the facts - so keep your moralising to yourselves! (For example, has the guy's wife been faithful?)
Similarly, who are you all to say what's right and what's wrong anyway.
One of the biggest problems in the world today are the result of one group of people telling another how to live their lives - result : wars, death and destruction.
2006-09-21 07:43:55 · answer #1 · answered by planete_isolee 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I personally don't agree with what you're doing. An intimate friendship suggests you have more than a friendship. The fact that is wife was unaware of your friendship before reading email and text messages proves that he is a dishonest man as well. Imagine the hurt his wife is feeling.
I wouldn't suggest contacting him. Trust me it will only make matters worse for him and you. If you have a conscience and want to do the right thing, move on with your life. Find a man who is not attached to be your friend or partner.
2006-09-21 05:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by Judy S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
an "intimate friendship" ....ermm. just like in the way babies are carried by storks, or prostitutes are "sex workers" or you soiled your undies cause "he got *** all over u"...dont matta which way you try to dress it up luv, you got muck all over u. thats WRONG.
But that's not enough is it. You feel you deserve more. You feel almost hurt (and believe it too!) that this prick cared about you and that you have the same rights as his wife cause, after all, he had u.
Truth is, he lied. The same way he lied to his wife. If he can lie to someone he has pledged to love all his life (probably in church), he swore an oath about it at best, and he went and dishonoured his oath.
So - what, you think your fanny's a bit more special than hers? you aint got anything to claim off this guy. You were kind of hoping he'd leave her for you dintya? Perhaps he even promised you he would, well, NEWSFLASH, statistics prove that married guys hardly ever leave their wives for their lovers. He just wanted a shag and as the saying goes, why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Quit the scene while the going's...errr, not as bad as it could be.
2006-09-21 06:04:02 · answer #3 · answered by Wisdom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there isn't a "your side" in this marriage! you are an outsider to their relationship and your feelings, views and opinions won't matter. by getting in touch with him you will be pouring petrol onto their situation.
i would brace yourself though, cos at some point you will probably find the wife trying to contact you in some way. this will be so that she can try to Wade through all of the lies that have been told and attempt to make some sense of her situation. She really will be feeling like S.h.i.t, cos what was harmless and going nowhere for you has probably destroyed her belief in not only the marriage but herself too.
if the husband contacts you, ignore him, be firm and say no! he will only bring trouble behind him and you will be villified. Stay well away from him and get on with your own life.
2006-09-21 06:46:19 · answer #4 · answered by lillyflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from the wifes point of view,and bearing in mind I just recently caught my partener having an intimate relationship with another woman.........I feel that you should just leave well alone. The wife is going to be hurting over this and how do you know she has forgave him? Have you actually spoke to her or are your just listening to more of his lies and deceit,or is it just wishful thinking that she is all ok with this just so you don`t feel so guilty? My parteners fling leave him alone,despite the fact I spoke to her myself and asked her in the nicest possible way to do so.Fact is I am splitting with him,I never trust him again. Do you think you and this man will amount to anything? A relationship thats starts with lies and deceit usually ends the same way. Your a home wrecker and if you want to save any self decency from this you will leave well alone.
IAlso my parteners fling also lives miles away........so appreciate your answer to this next question.........what was whole point of it then? I,m curious
2006-09-22 06:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by karenna m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No just let sleeping dogs lie, if they are still together, then all is well, so get on with your life, and go out there and find a man that is not married.
2006-09-23 18:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were having an affair with a married man, just say it like it is. You know you were wrong in the first place, so you need to go on before you are the reason for a broken home.
2006-09-21 05:41:25 · answer #7 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it be. Now, I don't believe in cheating on spouses but if he wants you he'll contact you. Out of respect for him and his marriage leave him alone. He might be trying to work it out with his wife and you trying to contact him can upset that whole process. Plus you don't know what kind of woman his wife is and she could hunt you down to give you a piece of her mind or a beat down.
2006-09-21 05:52:55 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♪ TrickNice ♪♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone. He's a married man. At least now the wife knows what kind of man she married and can get on with HER life.
2006-09-21 05:38:08 · answer #9 · answered by ginger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on. No good can come from trying to contact him. He's probably in a really bad place right now and is trying to reconcile with his wife. You coming back into his life will just make it worse.
2006-09-21 05:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by -J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋