How do I get over the fact that my boyfriend has a baby with another female?
2006-09-21 05:29:11 · 16 answers · asked by Pink Princess 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I was with him six years ago. We broke up and got back together a year ago. Now he has a child. How do I not let this bother me. I would like to have a child of our own sometime soon.
2006-09-21 05:30:18 · update #1
Wow... it's hard being with someone who already has children, especially if you don't and your young... I tryed to do that once, date a man with 2 boys, i thought to myself well i love him enough to get past this, boy was i wrong, his 2 boys was the reason why i left him. i suggest try it out if you love him, but hold off on having kids right away... hope it works out for u.
2006-09-21 05:33:18 · answer #1 · answered by Tina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't get over it, you learn to live with the fact. You have to accept the fact that the child is a part of his life, there will be contact with the child's mother, in other words there will possibly be 18 years of going through hell, depending on the mother's personality , whether she is a whiner or a winner,possessive, constantly has evil thoughts of how to make him miserable. If you haven't been together very long I say cut and run before you end up deeply involved because in the end,if someone is going to be hurt it will be you! Because blood is thicker than water and if he cares about his child, he will take care of it first and always before you! As it should be he should take care of what the child needs, but can you live with that? It's a long hard road ahead, give it some serious thought!
2006-09-21 05:37:50 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're going to spend your life with this person, you need to just accept that the past is the past and this other child happened when the two of you were not together. Out of responsibility he's going to need to be in the other child's life. The other child is still his child regardless of the other woman not being in his life anymore.
Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe he can give you some perspective on the other relationship, why it didn't work out etc. and let you know what his intentions are as far as involving the other child in your lives as well as involving the other woman.
Will she be calling/coming by etc
If you think you can't get over it you should probably get out of the relationship before you guys have any kids of your own because it will lead to resentment and will cause a lot of turmoil and stress between you and your bf as well as put stress on you during a pregnancy. In addition, you could unintentionally cause your own child to feel as if they have to compete for daddy's attention because of your resentment toward the other child. Just be careful and weigh your feelings openly and honestly before making a decision to have children with him.
2006-09-21 05:37:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the free will choice to date or marry a man with a child from a previous relationship. The child is an innocent party in all this. If you love this man like you say you do and it will eventually lead to marriage then you will love that child as your own. What a wonderful step mother you would be if you loved this child simply for being a child. This child is an extension of the man you say you love how on earth could you not except this child. To make a child pay for simply being born is a sin on your part or anyone's part. Children are precious. To be honest if you didn't except my child from another relationship you would not be part of my life.
Please keep in mind that you are simply a girlfriend right now. The issues that concern this child are between the father and the mother they do not concern you. If you are not prepared for this arrangement then I would suggest seeking a man that has no children.
2006-09-21 06:11:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does it bother you thinking that he had a relationship with another woman? Does it bother you that you will have to share him for the rest of your time together? And then having a child together that child is always going to be in his life?
It's something you have to look long and hard at.. and if you don't think it's something you can get over, then get out.. because it will eat away at you and wear you down....
You have to accept him AND his child.. it's part of the package.. and that in itself comes with some burden.. Constant reminder that you are not the mother, with probably constant butt ins with the mother.. I've been there, I've done that.. almost 6 years now.. I'm not going to say its horrible and what-not.. it's not, but I'm not going to say it's easy.. It's do-able.. but only if you can deal with it.. as I said, if not, then he's not right for you. Good luck
2006-09-21 05:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by SassySista 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How long were you broke up and how old is the baby
if all of this happen white you two wee apart than I think you should decide if you want to work it out or not, having a baby with him will not make thing better together
but if it happen while you guys were together or trying towork thing out than walk away because the baby will always come between you two
2006-09-21 07:40:15 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him--better get to know that child and love him/her too. That child and the mom are going to be a MAJOR part of your life if you choose to stay with him. And he will be paying support for the next 18 years--for one child that is roughly 20% of his gross income--depending on where you live. It's your choice, but know that the law looks at his first child as his FIRST responsibility...so even if you have a child with him and subsequently split/divorce, your child will be entitled to less than the first............can you live with this?
2006-09-21 05:40:32 · answer #7 · answered by Cherie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to "face" the fact, not "get over" it. The fact is, is that your boyfriend will share a bond and a relationship with this woman forever. They have a baby. And if you really love him you should understand that his main focus should be the baby and you should respect him for that. The baby needs him in it's life. If you want to stay with him, you need to be very supportive. And if you decide to stay in this relationship you need to be involved as well and not cause trouble or you may drive him away. You also need to think about your reasoning for having a baby with him yourself. You need to realize that having a baby with him will not change the fact that he has another baby to love and care for emotionally and financially.
2006-09-21 05:52:19 · answer #8 · answered by rodam r 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it bothers you so much maybe you shouldnt be with him. You are always going to be thinking about it especially if you guys have a child of your own. Plus, he may have to pay child support and you should encourage him to be with his kid and be a father. How would you feel if you were that other woman? You would want a father for your kid.
2006-09-21 05:32:51 · answer #9 · answered by Brianna'sMomma 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i understand. my bf & i dated off and on for about a year, one of the females he slept with is now pregnant.
are you including his child in family plans?
do you acknowledge her/him?
do you spend time with the child?
are you just wanting to have one because you're jealous?
ask him if he's open to having another child.
if u love him & want this to work out, accept the child as it is a part of the man you love.
tell him that although you love his child, you'd like to have a family of your own. unless of course you only want one out of jealousy, which isnt a good enough reason to want a child.
2006-09-21 06:54:32 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. Meli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋