My fiance and I just moved from MD to MI to live with my father who has recently become quite ill. He has a lung condition that makes it very difficult for him to get around without someone there to monitor him. My fiance wanted us to move here as soon as he understood the situation. Now he is working and I am taking care of my father each day. He loves spending time with my father and he never ever complains but I know that this must be hard for him. He knows no one and I can't give him the same amout of time and/or intimacy anymore. My father is now selling his home and is looking for a home that will give the two of us our privacy. What can I do now to make things more comfortable for my fiance? Thx!
2006-09-21 04:42:09 · 14 answers · asked by Heather C 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your welfare and mental being is what's going to make your fiance comfortable... he knows that's its a strain on you and your father as well, because both your roles have reversed between father and daughter. What's important to you has also become important to him.
Just remind your fiance of why you love him so much because of everything he's doing for you and your father. I know your father appreciates him because of his gesture with the house.
You have a good man there... not too many men would take on that responsibility BEFORE the marriage.
2006-09-21 04:54:55 · answer #1 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance loves you very much. He is doing this for you and your father and it is very commendable. And you wanting to make it less difficult for him shows your love for him too. If your fiance hasn'r said anything about the level or lack of alone time for the two of you, why do youthink you need to change anything?. But if he has said anything, then maybe find someone who can comeover maybe a couple times a week for an hour or so. Then you both can go out to dinner or to a movie to get some quality alone time. You both deserve it and as things move on, you are going to need it. There are services and agency's that will help you. Try a local hospice service. They are trained nurses or helpers, that will come stay for a coouple hours and do things to help like give baths, or feed, or just stay and provide comapny other than the few people your dad sees on a regular basis. I'm sure your fiance knows that you want to be able to make it easier on him, so any thing no matter how small will mean alot to him. God Bless you both for taking care of your father. Good Luck and Congratualtions !!!!!
2006-09-21 11:50:12 · answer #2 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance sounds like a great guy for wanting to help you take care of your dad. Your dad is making a noble move by looking for a home that is suitable for all of you. Can you find another family member or friend that is willing to come and stay with your dad while you and your fiance go out for a while? That would make things a little easier for you to be able to maintain the close relationship you have with your fiance.
2006-09-21 11:54:30 · answer #3 · answered by proud mom of 2 girls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that if your fiance was the one that suggested that you guys move out there, that he was smart enough to think about all aspects of moving. I am sure he knew how hard it would be but you have to understand your father is or will be like his father, so he cares. He sounds like a great guy! I think as much as it is important to take care of your father, you have to make a little air bubble of time just for you and your fiance. Engagements are so important to a couple. Even one hour where the two of you can be intimate or take a long relaxing walk together. And trust me even the taking care of your father part will be much easier. Think of it of taking a break for some fresh air.
2006-09-21 11:47:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact of the matter is, you guys made a choice in doing this and if your fiance wasnt ok with it, he wouldnt go along with it. I think you are just feeling guilty and you shouldnt. As long as you dont distance yourself from him then things will be ok. Try to spend some time with him alone if even a half hour in the evening. Watch a movie together or make some time to just eat alone with him, if possible. Write him some cutsie love notes and slip it into his lunch bag or tape it to the bathroom mirror to let him know you are thinking about him. Send him a secret admirer letter or buy him some flowers and acknowledge him from time to time for being there for the two of you. If your love is strong, you really have nothing to worry about. Communication also is key.
2006-09-21 11:52:50 · answer #5 · answered by Uncertainty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set a day out of the week to got out on a date. Ask a relative to watch your dad for a couple hours on a specific day and take out your fiance, but you should plan the whole thing by yourself. Surprise him saying that you will take him out for dinner.
Honestly, only a few men would do that for their fiances or wives.
2006-09-21 11:51:57 · answer #6 · answered by Kamy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford it, rent a night at the hotel for the both of you twice a month till you move...there you can cater to him...you'll have privacy there. Or hire a home care nurse to help you out with your dad, that will allow you to have more time with your man.
If you cant do that, then just try your best and extra hard to make his realize that your trying your best to make everything work out.
2006-09-21 11:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by Melia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your dad has helped a lot and realizes that the two of you need your private time. Just tell your fiance that you appreciate what he is doing for you and your father.
2006-09-21 11:45:25 · answer #8 · answered by betterlife_travel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know how much you appericeate the sacrifices he has made and remind him that the situation you guys are in now is not permenant , Tell him what your dads plans are and that you looking forward to having more private time with your fiancae, and if you are feeling real chipper then give him a little BJ or something .......
2006-09-21 12:02:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a gem there...sounds like your father is trying to help you...as I always say communication is the key. Talk to him (your fiance) and tell him how you feel...you may find that he is very sincere about being there and helping with your Dad....and if so you are a very lucky lady...good luck!!
2006-09-21 11:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by valleysexpet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋