she broke p 5 years ago, had one abortion almost got married. talked to him since then, now she talks to him on the phone once a month. yesterday she wanted to meet his new girlfriend.
Is she justified? When I tell her that i dont want her to see her ex in person, she says I dont trust her.
2006-09-21 04:35:52 · 29 answers · asked by Night Guru 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She told me that she kept a friendship with him, and that because it was so long ago that it is immature of me to be upset and "insecure" She claims that me telling her not to see him and his new girlfriend, is like cutting off a close friend, (like one of her girlfriends")
2006-09-21 04:42:56 · update #1
If your girl and her ex parted on good terms, there's nothing wrong with them seeing each other, but here's the twist...
Did you know she was still in contact with her ex BEFORE you came on the scene? If so, then why did you start dating her and now start expecting her to make these changes? You can only express your concerns and ask her to cease, but the choice still belongs to her.
Now, if she began contacting him AFTER you two became an item, I think you're justified with asking her to stop the contacting because you're uncomfortable with it. She may question your self esteem and insecurity, however. If she keeps up the contact, you can't accept it, and you haven't married her yet... then perhaps you should move on.
2006-09-21 04:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by E. Gads 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I still have a friendship with my ex and I talk to him every once in a blue moon. He recently got married & invited us to the wedding (we didn't go for a couple of reasons). I would never want to be in an (intimate) relationship with him again because I know about a lot of grimy things that he has done to girlfriends after me, too much time has passed (about 8 years) and I'm not attracted to him like that anymore. But we still can talk about anything, laugh and joke around like we are best friends or even brother and sister. But if my current boyfriend (of 6 years) had a problem with me keeping in touch with him I would break all contact. 1) Because we live together 2) because you don't mess up what you have at home and 3) if the shoe were on the other foot and I felt uncomfortable with him keeping in touch w/ his ex I would want him to do the same. Its all about respect for your current significant other and treating people the way you'd like to be treated. She is justified in saying that you don't trust her because her word should be enough for you to believe her but, you are justified in telling her that you don't feel comfortable w/ her talking to her ex. I don't like to give ultimatums but if this bothers you that much I think this is as good as a time as any.
2006-09-21 05:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by ♥♪ TrickNice ♪♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So ask your self this..if he loves you, then why is he marrying her...he loves her more beneficial...or he loves her romantically even as he no longer loves you 'that way'.... ..or he's stringing you alongside so if this marriage does no longer exercising consultation..he's were given you because the autumn back plan. do not you deserve something more beneficial positive? cut back all communique with him....you should pass chilly turkey, expensive....portion of the concern is we are terrified of the unknown and quite keep on with what all of us understand, even if if it makes us unhappy and depressing....and right this moment you staggering with the ex is making you depressing. So destroy the undesirable habit...him. it is going to likely be complicated yet ultimately you'll miss him a lot less and a lot less and then quicker or later it is going to likely be.. "even if did I see in that JERK" Being with others received't do it expensive...chilly turkey for a lengthy time period...that's the in worry-free words way.
2016-10-16 01:38:18 · answer #3 · answered by sovak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she were right in her mind she would have broken all contact. Since you are not married to her you have no right to tell her what to do. However if you are dating her and she is doing this wacko stuff you should dump her, she is not over her ex and after 5 years I don't think she ever will be. Her ex is obviously still interested in her since he allows the contact to continue.
2006-09-21 04:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The relationship she chooses to have (or not have) with her ex is her decision. Right now she has the two of you fighting over her, and I bet she is loving that. Stay out of Their business until she makes a decision. Sounds like she hasn't grown up.
2006-09-21 04:40:29 · answer #5 · answered by lollipop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she wants her cake and eat it too. tell her to take it from your point of view, and tell her that given the past that she had with this man, there is no way that she is contacting with him with no dep feelings still there. she obviously has no regard for your feelings. and you need to tell her that that. if she feels that she must absolutly must communicate with him because he is only a friend, then i think that you demand to see him and talk to him as well. lets see if she is tough enought to invite him over to dinner so that you can check him out. and if she doesnt want you to meet him...you the husband the one who should be the only man in her life except family, then you know that she still carries a torch for him and that means that you better get some counceling or a divorce lawyer on speed dial
2006-09-21 06:01:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry dude, leave her. If she was the right girl for you she would understand your point of view..and be accepting of you even if it is an insecurity..not that it is, but you are justified in your worry.........or you could put on a ski mask and go teach him a lesson...it should at least make it difficult for him to talk on the phone...maybe bruise his ears and lips well enough to keep him at a distance
2006-09-21 04:40:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She should cut off all connections to him if she wants to go forward in her life, instead of backwards.
She's not letting go of him... or the past... she's stuck on him & stuck in the past.
She's not moving forward, but moving backward by moving closer & closer to him.
She's still deeply emotionally attached to him... otherwise, she wouldn't be deeply connected with him.
It's wise of you to realize that those emotions could become sparked & become an inferno!
If she wants to be trusted, she needs to behave in a trustworthy way... & behaving that way would mean that she wouldn't do things that would cause you to worry or wonder about her.
She needs to be put in your shoes>>> how would she like it if it were you who is still deeply attached/connected to your ex (girlfriend or spouse)?
I wonder... would she trust you like she expects you to trust her?
2006-09-21 05:05:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no she's not justified. And to be honest, when you two first started dating, she should have cut off ALL communication with him, on the phone, email whatever! But in person now!?!?!? and to meet his GF!?!!?
Fuuuuuuck no! I would lay the law down and tell her to make a choice. You ... or talking with her ex loser. Good luck bro!
2006-09-21 04:39:10 · answer #9 · answered by toronto_guy77 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I would say it is ok as long as the new partner approves. After all, respect is due to the new partner. If he says that it is ok then nothing is wrong with it but if he has even the slightest resentment on the idea, then she should not continue the correspondence out of respect for him.
2006-09-21 04:42:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋