I have been married for 25 years. Sex is becoming more infrequent and far less intense with spouse. I am extremely aroused most of the time. I have met several women over the years for sex and have been committed to those women for a brief period of time. I enjoy the romance, I enjoy the stimulation of a new lover and continue to do it. I have no guilt, I love my wife, I cherish her, but with no sex I'm miserable!
The women I engage with are all married as well and we share much the same challenges.
No guilt why?
2006-09-21 04:27:17 · 26 answers · asked by r g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmmmmm! Some very interesting and judgemental answers out there! I always enjoy the pious ones that will damn you to hell without even knowing you. Gotta love 'em! I happen to know exactly where you're coming from, and struggle with the same issues. Some of these people bring up your vows, which is an interesting point. Who broke their vow first? Didn't your wife also vow to love, honor and cherish, forsaking all others? (Or something similar) So who quit loving who first? Who has the power to keep you happy? Who controls the sex? You all know darn well who does. You have needs and she can't be forced to give it up now, can she. That's actually against the law in some states. Is it wrong to do what you did and still be married? Yes, but so is what she did to you. In the eyes of society it would be more acceptable to end your marriage. Easier said than done. If you're like me the rest of your miserable existence is probably as good as it's going to get. This same judgemental society and judicial system still has no problem stripping you of your life as you know it should you decide to "do the right thing". To survive as a couple you must put each other first, above all else. Work, kids, family, everything. So the real question here is, who quit this marriage first? Only you know.
2006-09-21 05:00:29 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No guilt because you feel entitled to the sex outside of your marriage. You believe that if your wife does not give it to you then you deserve to get it from someone else. This is part of the reason why the sex in your marriage is far less intense. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you may have a sexual addiction. The only way to find out for sure is to explore this with a qualified therapist. Its worth looking into.
2006-09-21 04:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's a huge conflict that will take place someday with your wife. Have you talked to her about your need for more intimacy. If not, then why not? She deserves the chance to adjust to your needs. You can't be married and date other people at the same time. It just doesn't work like that. I agree with the first person that you don't feel guilty because you have not seen the guilt in her eyes yet.
2006-09-21 05:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you..... If you are not getting it from home then I see nothing wrong with going somewhere else. If your wife truly doesn't want sex then she should understand. I know I would. As long as you are not becoming attached to these women for more than sex I say go for it. Just understand that if your wife does find out then give her the same option to find someone outside marriage also. It does spice up your life. Good luck
2006-09-21 04:42:35 · answer #4 · answered by sexyladyinak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you do something to fulfill or satisfy your own need, you won't feel guilty because it fills the void/missing part of your life. Problem though with what is called a marriage and the actual definition of love. Having relations away from the unity of holy matrimony does not fall in the "love" category. Love is not only what you think you feel, but how you express it.
Sorry to tell you that you may think you love your wife, but you don't.
TRUE LOVE = is popularly held to be the emotion of loving someone without restraint and without restriction. Usually, true love is described as love without condition, motive or attachment, loving someone just because they are themselves, not because of their actions or beliefs. People experiencing true love will often set aside their own well being for the safety and happiness of their love, even though their relationship may not be formalized or reciprocated. Often, this emotion is strong enough to even inspire acts of selfless courage, even those requiring the death of the person undertaking them.
2006-09-21 04:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by This, That & such 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess you have no guilt because you just aren't associating love with sex. You aren't getting what you need at home from your wife, whom you love, but you are getting just sex elsewhere. I am not saying what you are doing is right, because it isn't. Your wife would be destroyed if she found out. You should talk to her about your sexual needs and tell her you want some time with her alone and make it romantic for her. Just please don't get caught and hurt her like that.
2006-09-21 04:37:04 · answer #6 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you have no guilt because you have no respect for your marriage. You could not possibly cherish your wife while having sex with other women. You have single handedly destroyed your marriage, there is no love in that.
2006-09-21 04:37:27 · answer #7 · answered by lady_reed_03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you do have guilt but just choose to somehow block it. Of course you love your wife....you've been married for 25yrs. but you enjoy a level of intimacy that clearly isnt there anymore or very infrequently with your wife. Have you spoken about this with your wife? I would imagine so but if not, I think it might be time to. I dont know...I dont know your living situation with her but perhaps you can set up a romantic evening or go on a get a way or something and create love and intimacy with her. How about a cruise? Or go to a bed and breakfast. All in all, communication is key to everything. This is something you clearly have been avoiding for a long time. Dont think I am blaming you b/c I am not. I dont see you as doing anything wrong b/c I know society would say its wrong but its really only wrong if you say it is. I am not condoning adultry but I am just saying dont beat yourself up about this or blame yourself. YOu clearly are missing something other than intimacy with your wife and you have not gotten to what that something is. You must feel like you are so far into the marriage that you should never bring it up. Well, you cant live miserably or in secrecy the rest of your life either. Talk with her more and listen to her and hear what she has to say. Find out why she doesnt find much interest in it anymore. Is she sick? Does it hurt her to do it? communicate how you feel too but dont be selfish about it. I am dating a married man myself. I am divorced but hes married however, his wife is aware of our relationship and she too is dating someone. So yeah, I know what you are going thru in some aspects. For us, we are all aware of the openess in this relationship. So there are no secrets! But it also could be too that you slipped out of love with your wife years ago and she just doesnt do it for you anymore. I dont want to think that let alone say it but maybe you are in denial about that. Everyone always feels guilty about things but the honest truth is if your not happy, what to do? Either see whats missing in your lives and see what her hang up is about sex and try to work something out where she can satisfy you at least a little bit more, or choose to go another direction. Good luck.
P.S. The guy I am seeing is much older then me and he is constantly horny and his wife just doesnt have much interest in sex either and where I come into play is I can more then satisfy him and he me. We are content with the situation.
2006-09-21 04:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by Uncertainty 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You feel no guilt cause you have no heart. I think you should go to the bottom of the ocean. If you "cherish" your wife then you wouldn't do what you are doing. For better or for worse. Your sick.
2006-09-21 04:37:35 · answer #9 · answered by Bizzle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe because you are emotionally dead to the relationship. I have felt that way before in my first marriage, i kept waiting for the feelings to come about our divorce, sadness or loneliness or any type of emotion and it never came. Of course I was not cheating like you are. but on some level I can relate. That being said, you are a slime ball, leave you wife you cheating jerk she deserves better that you and you might bring her home a disease. you are a slime ball.
2006-09-21 04:57:33 · answer #10 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋