How do I know that getting divorced was the best thing to do?

Question

I divorced my husband of 14 years in June 2006 because I got tired of feeling like his maid and feeling that we didn't have anything in common any more. I have been seeing someone since then whom I dated 29 years ago. I feel great when I'm with this person but I can't stop thinking about my ex-husband and wondering if I moved to fast to the divorce. He has since found another also.
I am so confused by my feelings. My new boyfriend is attentive but really rough around the edges and tends to get angry very quick, something I am not used to. I have only a 16 year old left at home and am 44 years old. I would appreciate any answers :(

Answer 1

"IF" and hindsight are both some motherfuckers in life... before you divorce, did you and your ex attempt to go to any counseling or talked about your feeling like his maid and so on?

Well, now since you are just in a 'dating' relationship; there is nothing, NOTHING, (except marriage) to keep you from contacting your ex to just talk... ask him the questions you should have while you were married; bring up everything you should have talked about back then; have the conversation you both should have had at that time. Either your feelings will be justified or you'll be reassured that the divorce was indeed best for you both.

Answer 2

We always ponder the "what ifs" after a relationship. You have a history with the man. You cared about him, you loved him and he loved you. Things got to the point where they needed a change, and you both made that change.

You'll always have a special place in your heart for people that were in your life that you loved but are no longer in your life in that same capacity or are no longer in your life at all.

Eventually the thoughts and confusion will fade away, they may come back once in a while. In reality, you can only worry about what you can do something about. Otherwise you're just spinning your wheels - it adds a little excitement but doesn't get you anywhere.

Answer 3

You have been divorced too short of a time. Take it easy. You are still young and there will be another in your life when you are ready. Figure out who you are and what you want before committing yourself to any man. If the new boyfried scares you or hits you, run don't walk away. Remember that the 16 year still needs his mother and that you are not alone in your situation. find a group of people like "parents without partners" to help you thru.. Good luck

Answer 4

I feel sorry for you, sounds just like my husband's ex wife. She divorced him, and started dating. But then after he started getting serious about me she decided she wanted him back. Of course he said no. Now we are married and his kids are 14 & 16. She has them every other week. Funny thing is she is dating this guy she knew from high school. They have been seeing each other 3 yrs and no commitment or anything. I don't think she is gonna find a guy as great as the one she gave up for me.

Answer 5

baby i cant tell you wether or not you moved to quick or not all i can say n hope it helps is your ex is your ex for a reason. yeah u gonna miss him if u didnt that would mean u wasted your life, but u didnt cuz u care so it wasnt a waste. i havent been married like you but ive had two serious relationships and 8yrs after the first one ended (4yr relationship) i still wonder but i think of the hell he put me through. Now being in my second one it took me 5yrs to find him with him for 3 n though we are on the verge of splitting you prob want some of your exes tendencies and wish your new one didnt have some of the ones he has but remember that you were with your ex for 14 years- your accustomed to a certain thing n things being a certain way, now if this ****** hits you you bettah beat his *** and pull the shot gun out or the pistol out i dun care but get the hell away from him ( remember just cuz your alone doesnt mean you got to be lonely ) hope something n here helped

Answer 6

sounds like you maybe still be in love with you ex and maybe a bit jealous. If your new boyfriend isnt working out get on without him too. You dont have to just pick one man because you were with the first one 14 yrs. Make sure you pick the right one this time. Im not saying sleep with all of them but there is nothing wrong with you dating more than one man until you find the one of your dreams. Good Luck and keep god in mind.Pray

Answer 7

Just realize that>>> just because the marriage is over, it doesn't mean the mess of emotional attachment is over... that takes time & it can make you wonder if there's something more you could've done to make the marriage work.
It's a hard thing to go thru & deal with because you can't just turn your emotions off with a flip-switch.
Just accept the fact that there's something about your ex that you'll always love/like/admire... but it doesn't mean it would have been enough to make the marriage work... because there was obviously more about him that you didn't love... otherwise, you wouldn't have divorced him.
Letting go isn't easy, but it'll get better for you, with time & acceptance of the truth.

Answer 8

Are you sure you are missing your ex or are you just jealous because he is seeing someone else? On to the next issue.I would worry about someone with aquick temper. When dating men are usually on their best behavior. He is already showing negative behavior. I do not know if he is a keeper! Could you maybe date your ex? Is he serious with his new lady? Something to think about! Sounds like your divorce was based on flimsy grounds>

Answer 9

You have 14 years of history with your EX of course you are going to think about him it was a third of your life

But hey rem the bad bits too

thats why he is your EX

Give yourself a break and dont over analyse it

Answer 10

I wouldnt wonder or worry if I moved too fast because ITS DONE!! You need to just move on...either with or without the current guy your with.