My husbands father pleaded no contest to sexual misconduct with a child. I say his dad can never be around our kids agian, he is trying to stick up for him. This miconduct took place between him and his daughter, and his granddaugters. I want to protect my kids, and feel that if he forces the issue, or allows his dad contact with our kids he is violating our family. Am I right, and is it fair to threaten divorce if he tries to bring this man around my kids.
2006-09-21 04:24:06 · 25 answers · asked by marlee6996 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I have agreed that when we have children they will not be alone at all with either of their grandfathers. My father is an alcoholic and abusive. His father sexually molested my husband's older brother.
How would the courts view you if you allowed your children to be alone with this man, grandfather or not, and he had molested them or worse? They could say that you knowingly put your children in danger and you could be charged with child endangerment and have your children taken away. Does your husband really want this? If you get a divorce, how would this be protecting the children? He could still bring them around to see his father.
I would encourage you NEVER leave the children alone with their grandfather, but find a way to compromise if you can, and always be present when or if they visit their grandfather. Personally, I would let my children see their grandfather maybe once a year with me being during the whole visit. When the kids are old enough to understand you can tell them why you did that. But they are NEVER too young to talk about what is inappropriate touching and to tell you if this ever happens.
2006-09-21 04:47:26 · answer #1 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't threaten divorce, unless you trully want a divorce and there are other reasons why you would divorce him. The problem is the father so deal with the father. Make direct threats to him and if he continues to come around get a restraining order. If your husband is too much of a coward or imbocile to keep the father away then take the matter into your own hands, you're there mother and the only person that can protect them now.
Plus, let's say you do get a divorce, that means first off even more pain and confusion for the kids AND he will surely have custody partially and then who's to say he won't let them be around the father. If you stay with your husband you actually have more control over the situation, even if the father is in the same room as the children you will be there to.
2006-09-21 04:51:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, there is no justification for allowing someone who has done that in the past being alone with children. That being said, as a man who also grew up unable to visit his grand-father due to his grand-father's misconduct (not related, his misconduct was only drugs, not sexual) I also miss that relationship.
I think the best is to agree to no unsupervised visits.
Also, no contest is not the same as guilty. My uncle ended up pleading no contest to child abuse against my cousin before he married my aunt, because my cousin had bruises. The police interviewed my (then 5 year old) cousin several times about the bruises, and four other witnesses (friends and cousins) who all said that my uncle was not involved in those bruises, but the case would have drawn out for three years durring which time he couldn't see my aunt if he pleaded innocent, so he pleaded no contest, paid the fine, and I think spent a day in jail. He said it was worth it to not drag it out for the children.
I obviously don't know the circumstances you're in, but consider all the evidence.
2006-09-21 04:42:17 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong. Maybe he did not do anything and only pleaded no contest so that he did not have to serve time in jail. Some people lie about being molested especially these ones who go to therapists and hypnotists that suggest and ask direct questions about their child hood. I do not believe all the stories of an adult or even child who CLAIMS their father molested them.
They are all not believable and can send innocent people to jail. Why deny your children a loving relationship with their grandfather? It would be sad if you do and then later find out that the women/girls involved were all vindictive liars.
Just my opinion
2006-09-22 04:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by sweedima 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right, Even worst my mom beat the crap out of me every since i was kid to age 16 she stopped and now she want to see her grandchildren my kids no .... she seen picture but never seen in person I can't do that what she did to me and I would not allow her to be near my kids period forever.
Again you are right because the father who think got away and he knew what wrong but he did get busted and I totally agree with you that he will be no longer a family memember and being near your kids.......
So yeah BIG time VIOLATING your family.. so yeah if your husband can't be man enough to tell his father sorry you no longer be my father and being near my kids.. But he see nothing wrong so that mean he not a very good father to protect his own kids and he think his father imporant to him than family. WHOA, yeah tell him ok I am telling you right now if you don't stand up for your own kids not talk to your dad any more ... if you still choose rather to be with dad then I am going to end it means Divorce it over done. you are just like yoru father why??? becasue you not protected your own children... it over. no second chance you make the choice.
2006-09-21 05:05:45 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look out for your kids. Ask your husband how he would feel if he found out that his father had molested ya'lls kids. Even if he says that he'd stay in the room or whatever, that is still opening the kids up for some serious harm. If your husband insists on letting his father see the kids and/or spend time with them, I'd file for divorce and sole custody. If it does come to divorce, inform your lawyer the situation (give him the info to look up your father-in-laws plea) and most likely the court would grant you sole custody.
2006-09-21 04:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by heaven help me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong here. Your husband is in a real tight spot. Maybe you could let your father in law visit on a limited basis, but only in a setting where you can watch him and your kids at ALL times. How old are your kids? Details on the situation with the father etc. all are considerations. Good Luck
2006-09-21 04:31:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you completely. I understand where you are coming from. My husband's brother is a sexual predetor and just got out of prison within the last year. The rest of my husband's family has forgiven the brother, and I am not willing to have him around my daughter. I think that you are totally right in not wanting that predetor around your child. You are Mommy, and your number one person to protect in your child. Good luck, and best wishes. You are not alone, and I believe that we are standing in the right!
2006-09-21 09:41:59 · answer #8 · answered by swak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, grab your kids and get out, especially if you have girls (since it seems that he preys on girls according to your question). If your husband is unwilling to help you protect the welfare and well being of your own children, than he does not respect you, and by allowing his father contact with your kids IS violating your family. I agree with you 100% on this one.
2006-09-21 04:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by proud mom of 2 girls 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no way you should let that man around your children!! Once a child molester....even if he's not convicted. How can you ever ever trust that person again? If your husband seriously sees nothing wrong with this...then I think threatening divorce is reasonable.
2006-09-21 04:28:13 · answer #10 · answered by wendylynn1009 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋