What if you are married to a man that does not have sex with you?

Question

I married a man that I met on the net..He has lied to me a lot.He told me he was married twice and had 3 daughters.I found out later that two of the daughters was from his first wife,then he married again ,then he married another woman and had the third daughter,thats the marriage he failed to meation.Now that I am married to him He don,t have sex....He has lost all his sexual desires.he still lies,lives in the past,and is a couch potato.He does nothing around the house except sit or lay.he draws a check each month so it helps me.I am active and like to do things ,he is very uninteresting and has really pulled me down.My kids think Im crazy for being with him ,they think he is a loser.I ran him off once cause he flipped me on the floor and could have broken my neck.I am going nowhere with this man,my life is on hold.....He will not communicate....His last 3 wives left him,and I know why....I feel trapped because I feel that I am wasting my life...However my roots tell me divorce is

is wrong yet I really am spinning my wheels being with him ...What should I do

Answer 1

you can email me any time you like, i'll show you how to deal with this issue that you have. but most of all, how did you end up with him from the begining ? you said he lies so many time, sound like you are the problems not him.....not that i'm putting you down or so on but you have to realize that the man is lying and now sitting at home like a potato doing nothing what are you waiting for? you have your own life to worry about not this dude.....good luck hon

Answer 2

Sex is the least of your problems. Did you not have a clue before you married him? I can understand divorce not being an option, but if you haven't been married very long is an annulment and option? You said you ran him off once for physical abuse. To me, that would be the end. I've been married for 22 years tomorrow and I told him the night he asked me to marry him that if he ever raised a hand to me in anger it would be the last day he ever saw me.

Grab your self respect by the bootstraps, girl! Give him two options -- become a man or find the door!!!!! There is much more to being a good husband than sex. He doesn't want a wife, he wants a housekeeper/punching bag. Your kids are right -- LOSER from word go. Don't let him drag you down with him. If he won't leave, you leave. But this relationship (if you can call it that) is going nowhere. If you are dead set on staying with this guy, get counseling. Both of you. It doesn't have to be with a pay by the hour therapist -- many ministers and pastors are well equipped to counsel married couples with problems.

But my first instinct would be -- WHY did you marry him in the first place?

Answer 3

Yep - you need to divorce. Don't spend any more time on trying to change him. He won't. No sex is probably an acknowledged reason. Perhaps you can even have your marriage annulled due to all the lies.

But - after divorce I hope you learned something very important. When you are looking for a new partner you should not instantly marry. Better is to try to live together for a while without being married. Have sex before marriage. Sex is very important for most people in a marriage. So I am a strong proponent of saying you gotta try before you lock in with marriage and you find out that - either there is no sex or the sexual preferences do not match.
Also when you live without being married a while together you see very well how the other is behaving in the household.

So - see - negative experiences are really good too. They teach us and we get a chance to do better in future and perhaps find happiness.

However - you gotta do something about it, act now.

Answer 4

I am not sure how you were going to finish your sentence but I will just assume that you believe divorce is wrong or was raised to believe that. I am not sure that this was a marriage made in Heaven, so I would reconsider what you are doing. Do you really want to have this be the example to your children of how a marriage should be? You cannot change the past (marrying this loser) but you can avoid making any further mistakes and kick him out and divorce him.

The guilt of divorce could not be any worse than what you are going through and putting your children through.

Answer 5

I am a firm believer that if your children don't think you need to be with him wether they are 4 or 24...you need to listen to them. Sometimes we don't know what is best for ourselves, but as Iam sure you know, our kids come first. I am sad that you are in a situation like this. Also you did mention 2 things that sticks out in my mind. 1...He flipped you on the floor...What if that would have been one of your kids instead of you? You were absolutely right to kick him out. Now you obviously need to do it again. 2...You never mentioned the reason his other wives left him. Although that right there should be a red flag...3 failed marriages??? I feel if the reason is too bad to mention on here...It is not worth the time. I wish you well in whatever your decision is. I know you will do the right thing :)

Answer 6

You don't say how long you knew this man before marrying him? Or how old he is? I would have had my druthers about a man that has lied to you from the very beginning. Hiding a wife and child? Also no sex? That's just not right. I would cut my losses and leave now. It's not going to get any easier as time goes on, just deeper and deeper in the pit of despair that is already obviously started for you. But it is your final decision not ours. Good luck in whatever road you choose to walk.

Answer 7

I realse that this against your roots and all but you need to divorce him and get on with your life. It you stick with him he's not going to bring upliftment and stability to your life, but regret and sorrow. You can see why his other wives left him! Imagine that he drove you so far as to run away from home!
A husband or a partner is someone who cares for you, loves you, wants to see you grow and become educated and move on in your life, not to stay stagnant and miserabe. Thats how you sound and if I was in a similar situation Iwould be too.
Divorce him I say cause at this point I don't see how their can be a reconciliation period.

And if a guy flipped me on the floor, and I could of been hurt, adios amigos!

Answer 8

This sounds like a real mess! Think about what you just said....it's all bad. I know it's never easy to end a realationship, even the ones we know are unhealthy for some reason we try to justify why we should stay. But you have to be strong and end this. Think about it in these terms...if this was your daughters husband would you want her to stay with this man?? No, you'd tell her to run & probably help her pack!! You need to set an example for your kids...you need to have self respect and not allow yourself to be treated this way. You've allowed him to disrespect you & you've allowed him to make you feel trapped...the more you allow, the more he'll do...and you only have yourself to blame. You've already given him your self esteem, your self respect & your pride....take them back!! Stand up and set an example for your kids...show them that you value yourself enough that you will not tollerate a person to disrespect you like this. That is the best thing you can do for all of you. If you want to reassure yourself that you should leave, try this....get a peice of paper and make some columns. First column write down what he contributes to the realationship, next to it write down what you contribute. Next column write down all the things he does to make you feel good, next to it all the things he does to make you feel bad, etc. Trust me, it won't take you long to clearly see that this is not what marriage should be. A marriage needs considration, communication, respect & compromise...it needs love & friendship & trust....all of which you have none of, all of which you deserve. I know you said your roots tell you not to divorce...but listen...it's 2006, the guy is no good for your life....seperate yourself & replant yourself....new roots will grow.....STRONGER, HEALTHIER roots that will instill the value and importance of self respect & self love into you and your children. Take a stand....seperate from this guy and have today be the 1st day of the rest of your life!! A better life...a life you and your children deserve!!

Answer 9

You know he is a liar so you shouldn't believe most everything he has told you and tells you. You want sex? - get rid of him then it sounds like. Most men like sex, maybe he's more than strange. || It must be that you want the check each month, right?!! You've said nothing else that makes sense as to why you haven't taken a broom to him as he goes out the door one last time. He IS a loser. Don't wait unless you want to get hurt again and HAVE to have the weekly check. Even for the money, is it worth it?

Answer 10

yeah so the other answers you got weren't that great. I guess you need to ask yourself....do you really love him ? what is best for yourself ? what is best for your children ? and do you really want to spend the rest of your life this way ? i understand that your roots tell you divorce is wrong but why live with something that isn't making you happy ? I'm sure people will understand if you divorce this guy and move onto something that will make you and your children happy and proud !

and never ever ever take abuse from a man.....kick his @$$ !! your life is more important !