I have been with my fiance for a few years and engaged for 1. He is the love of my life, but he has so many serious faults i cannot stay with him. He has a tendacy to lie, expects the whole world to do him a favour and has really bad temper tantrums (he is 28) where he acts like a child. i know he loves me, but it isn't enough. despite his excellent and costly education, i have come to the conclusion he is not very bright, but insists on arguing points and acting very arrogant, on top of being generally quite lazy and relying on me to do the housework adn generate most of the money. despite this i love him madly, how do i do what i know is best for me? Then how do i get over it?
2006-09-21 04:17:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel for you girl, it's too bad, sounds like he's going to lose a good thing.You're half way there, think about it.........."how do I do what "I" know is best for me" I'm not sucking up......hon, you're to good for him. It will be hard, you're going to cry some.....maybe a lot, but when you find that real Mr. right, someone without those qualities you've described for him,you'll look back and the heartbreak you've gone through will be just a commercial in a two(2) movie.......certainly worth a lifetime of happiness....ALL THE BEST!!!!!!............LATER.....
2006-09-21 04:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by veteranpainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes loving someone is the easy part, living with them is what takes work. It sounds like you're at the point where you not trying to change him, but you can't really deal with him as is.
If you're in a bad situation, then perhaps it's just time to move on. You can do it the sneaky way and just grab all of your stuff and leave, or just talk about how you feel and that you're done with the relationship.
After hearing this he'll probably promise to change his ways, and he will for a little while. Til you realize that you're back to square one.
If you do decide to break up, then stand firm as this is your decision and it has been made. Do not leave it up for question, or contention. Unless you want an argument that goes in circles.
It's never easy to let anyone go, it hurts and you deal with it by getting to know yourself again. Spending time with friends and family, losing yourself in work or a hobby. Or getting a new hobby.
You'll have ups and downs, but if we didn't have the downs we'd never have the ups.
2006-09-21 11:49:57 · answer #2 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'd call off the wedding...if you don't want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, don't let everyone else think it's gonna happen...your family and friends will be making plans for the wedding, and you need to let them know it's not gonna happen. Then I'd sit down with the fiancee and tell him you love him but there are some things that he really needs to work on if you're going to continue to be together. Lay it out for him exactly what you need. Ask him if he is willing to change. If he's not, say goodbye then and there. If he is...try going into counselling with him. It may help. If he knows that you need him to be a better person, he might rise to the challenge.
If he doesn't, then he can't say he didn't know. If you do this, set a timeline. If he hasn't shown some real improvement by whatever date...you're outta there. And follow through. If you say you're gonna go, go. He'll have no respect for you if you let him walk all over you. If it does end up being over just remind yourself that as much as you loved him, he just isn't the person that you need. But remember, it's ok to grieve the loss of the relationship.
2006-09-21 11:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by Sue B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you love him madly you need to think with your head and not your heart..He lies,has temper tantrums,he,s not bright,he,s arrogant,and he is lazy......sounds like he is a loser to me.....I was with a man for years that I left and got a divorce and all the time I really loved him,but I did not want to live my life with him because of his faults..Trust me on this,if you love him it will take you a while to get over him.It took me 4 years but you will get over him...It will take time and you have to really talk to yourself,repeat to yourself often WHY you left him.He will not get better .....Stay busy meet other people and just take time to cry and finally you will get over him.Its sounds as though you would be better off without him....I was told by my pastor at church(Quote) a marriage or relationship should add to you and make you a better person,it should lift you up to be all you an be and if it doesn,t than you do not need to be in that realtionship...it takes you and your partner to build each other up,not down....you know that it is not best for you to be dealing with his behavior,if you decide to stay in this relationship, then you need to start loving his lies,his temper and his laziness and all his bad traits,and learn to deal with it,if you can FINE if not LEAVE cause it will not get better it only gets worse
2006-09-21 11:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you should try counseling together - if he won't go then you have to dump him - it takes a lot of strength and courage, but you do not want to be in a miserable marriage, which you will be if you stay with him - just focus on all his bad points when you are missing him and know that you did the right thing - hopefully you have lots of friends and family to get you thru the next couple of months - regroup and start to do things that make you happy and soon you will be forgetting him - you may actually be relieved not to have to deal with tantrums, laziness and lies.
2006-09-21 12:12:38 · answer #5 · answered by livetall1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the ring back, tell him that he can come back and ask again later when he grows up, gets a real job, gets his act together, because you want to be his wife, not his mother. Fix it now or it will forever be a problem. If he won't fix it, then leave for good. Time will help the pain, but there is no magic pill to get over someone you love...Sorry, gotta tough that one out...
2006-09-21 11:22:25 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not reading too many good qualities in your man from what you said. If you feel this way now, how will you feel 5 years from now after you are married and have children to take care of as well? Think really hard about moving forward with him. If you believe in God or a higher being, pray.
2006-09-21 11:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by lady_reed_03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell ya what. I'm in the same boat, so if you figure out the answer, let me know. It's hell when you realize that the person you love dearly and want to spend your life with makes you so unhappy on a day-to-day basis. Best of luck.
2006-09-21 11:19:58 · answer #8 · answered by ncmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your too good for this losser. Unless you think he's going to change then I would leave now and cut my losses. Good luck and remember PRAYer will get you through anything!
2006-09-21 11:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by mimi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you describe him hi is very immature so if you want a serious relationship you did right don't feel sorry , just relax, enjoy your single life....have fun.......and try to stay away from him!!!
2006-09-21 11:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by haki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋