My wife and I cannot have chldren, and, until recently, were friends with another couple who could not either. About two years ago, they adopted a little girl from overseas.
We realized that they would be having new friends because of the adoption, and would have less time for us because of their newest family member. But, there have been a few times when his wife has made plans with mine, and then she would call her up at the last minute to cancle, because a couple with children wanted to do something with them.
They are on the outs with us now, and, of course, the story they tell our other friends is we are jealous of them because they now have a child. We say that having a child in your life does not excuse you from remembering your friends, and keeping your planned social engagements. Any opinions on this?
2006-09-21 04:09:59 · 9 answers · asked by rhino 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
They are treating you badly, forget them. I have children and am still friends with my friends who have no children.
2006-09-21 04:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I understand both your sides.
The fact is that when you have children, your "needs" change to include the needs of your children. They may have plans with you, but another family they've been trying to get a play date with might end up with some time - doing what's in the best interests of their child would take priority.
As for what they're telling other people about you, I don't know what to say. It's possible that your other friends see the situation and assume that's what's going on and just couch it in terms that make it sound like it came from the other family. Maybe the other family really perceives you to be jealous (and having suffered from infertility for a while, I can tell you that it's a natural feeling - it doesn't mean you're bad if you are jealous, it's just an emotion that "fits" the situation).
Having children doesn't excuse bad behavior, this is true. Maybe you could suggest outings that occur later in the day when the child should be winding down, so they can get a babysitter or send the little girl to spend the night with a friend. If they really were important in your lives, I don't suggest getting rid of them completely. If they were important, talk to them. Tell them you value their friendship and you understand that there's bound to be a change, but you want to find a way to compromise and retain the friendship.
Good luck.
2006-09-21 04:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by tagi_65 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They probably do see it as a jealousy issue. It's hard for most people to take responsibility for their actions and this is an easy out for them as most people will see it the way they do... without knowing the facts.
Obviously, they weren't that good of friends to start with or they would not have forgotten their friends. My husband and I are both 33 and were blessed with a surprise "miracle" baby three months ago after being told for several years that I could not have children. While your life does change and some of your friends change, if you're truly friends with someone, you'll find time for them.
Just hold your heads up and know that you have more respect for those you consider friends than they do. Their true colors will show through eventually and as the saying goes, "Living well is the best revenge"!
2006-09-21 04:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There may actually be some jealousy, but the truth of the matter is that if the other wife made plans with yours, you dont cancel simply because a couple who does have children called and said they wanted to do something. Thats just wrong. Just because you have children, that doesnt give you the right to be inconsiderate.
2006-09-21 04:15:07 · answer #4 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree with you. Your friends shouldnt stop doing thing with you because of a child, if you were my friends id have a time where you could enjoy my child too because i knew you couldnt have one. But if they are going to be that way make new friends you guys sound like you deserve it, you sound like nice people. You have other things to do than worry whether they are going to accept you now. Just forget it. Maybe you should consider adoption too there are many children looking for good parents.
2006-09-21 04:17:56 · answer #5 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Their lives have changed & their attitude toward the friendship has changed... because of their life-change.
It's obviously now more important to them to have friends who have more in common with them>>> a child... & since you & your wife have no child, they don't have as much in common with you anymore (they don't need you so much anymore).
Because of their lives changing, their needs have also changed... their needs concerning friends have changed.
They need to understand/realize that they are the ones who have dumped you... & they can't expect you not to be hurt... it doesn't justify them of accusing you, of being jealous.
2006-09-21 04:28:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your absolutely correct. Breaking dates and telling you its because someone else with a similiar life wants to spend time with them is rude and crude and I would dump them as friends. TRUE friends are going to be there NO MATTER who or what happens in life.
2006-09-21 04:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yep, you and your wife are both selfish people who should only hang out with other selfish people. Please do not adopt any kids, or you will doom them to an unhappy childhood.
2006-09-21 04:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by Niche Jerk 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BETTER OFF WITH OUT THEM. FRIENDS COME AND GO, TIME FOR THEM TO GO.............
2006-09-21 04:28:11 · answer #9 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋