What is a man supposed to do when he wants to love his wife (not all about the physical) by wanting to take her out dancing, hugging kissing, touching, careessing, leaving little notes saying I Love You. But...she won't let you. Always focused on other things SO much that she forgets she has a husband. She gets the help she needs with the kids and housework (both in and out). The man shuts down and only begins to think about the day to day activities, and gives up trying to get her attention. HELP!
2006-09-21 03:55:49 · 42 answers · asked by maf20057 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't quit, Take if from a wife. Sometimes we as women get so wrapped up in everyday life that we assume that you (the husband)is okay. Try to ask her what she needs from you, maybe you are only doing what you think she wants without her saying so. If she gives you a chore list, ask again but say how can I love you better, teach me. I know that would make me look at my life with my husbands life differently. And try to touch her but not sexually like pat her shoulder or put your hand on her leg, they say you should touch each other 7xs a day in a non-sexually way. Good Luck.
2006-09-21 04:04:46 · answer #1 · answered by redhair_qt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
usually I would think having a very open conversation may be a start. The purpose would be to analyze what the reasons are. It could be something trivial that the man has bad breath - which can be addressed. It could be more severe like that the woman since a while had an inner termination of the relationship. And there can be a multitude of reasons for that.
Now - having that conversation in a really professional and constructive way is impossible if you are not trained in how to do this. Therefore I would recommend that you seek the help of a professional. Someone who is specialized on couple's issues and is a psychiatrist.
Perhaps you can get your wife to go with you.
Once both of you understand a little better what each of you is thinking and feeling you can start working on either changing certain habits and behaviors (again with the guidance of a professional). Or perhaps you may have to separate in order to become happy.
From my perspective as a woman - and I almost hesitate to say that because I don't know how you may react - if it would be me it would mean that I do not have any interest left for the husband. And for some reason (whcih? financial perhaps?) I am still with him. (Actually if it would be me I would have gone since a long time instead of letting the marriage getting to this stage).
So my gutt feeling is that your mariage may be at an end point with no return and separation is the only way for both of you to more happiness.
Sorry for those rough statements, please note that I could be completely wrong.
2006-09-21 04:14:23 · answer #2 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep doing those things, if she refuses and if you have children get a sitter without her knowing and tell her she has no excuses to not go... Get in her way often, when she goes off to do things tell her well I'm going with you, if you can't make time for us I will!
You may have to be a bit bold and tell her "look I'm a man and need your attention, I don't want to go else where, I need you!" You are the man of the house so what you say goes (most of the time and with it being something of this nature I'm sure she'll give in a little) Put your foot down and just tell her you need more of her time and if she can't give it to you then you'll have to look at different avenues, not that you want to but so just that you can feel human again this might make her really mad but it maight make her understand that you are loanly and in the worse way b/c she is right there...- let her know it's serious and things are going to change! Have a new rule of "husband and wife time" if it has to be twice a week on the same night or every Sunday what ever be creative - (put the kids to bed earlier, make a game of it and have it be fun, the kids will enjoy this too)... My husband and I call out the word neglect when we feel we are not giving it our all, we make a fun game out of it - silly but it works and makes us realize that maybe we could do things different.....
You need some effection and nothing is wrong with that and you shouldn't feel bad for having to ask your wife for it, she is your wife who better to ask then her? She probably doesn't even realizing that she is neglecting you....
2006-09-21 04:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, every woman's dream lol. sorry that is not helpful is it lol.
Your wife is so wrapped up in her, that there has to be a reason for this, solve the root of the problem and you can solve the problem.i am a woman and even i don't profess to know why we behave the way we do sometimes Hun. You say she "wont let you" well how does she stop you, does she object to notes been left or you telling her you love her, how is she reacting. It is possible she has deep rooted issues here you know nothing about. it could be a childhood thing , a self protect issue, insecurity, lack of trust, these things may not have been apparent to you when you met and married but when you are with each other in a home for a long period of time things surface that you didn't see or didn't deem important at the time.talk to her, make her listen, if you cant then write her a letter and ask that if she does nothing else just read it. this will make her think about what you say, she may not even realize she is shutting you out as much as she is. like everything communication is everything.
2006-09-21 04:04:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I think she is so sure of You that she "unconscionsly" has taken you for granted.
Maybe some of these comments are right but I think that you might want to take few weeks off (vacation on your OWN) and see if she shakes up and Notices you are not around.
If you think that is too drastic then this might work...: STOP...stop doing all you doing...you are trying too hard honey.....and this is when you lose, is beautiful you are so attentive and is so awsome I find it so uplifting I am sure all of the girls here do so too.... but maybe not for her....
go back and recheck your relationship how you guys started or if there is anything that you have not noticed she might be holding a grudge ....think big think little.....
if all of this fails and communication can not go thru then I have to tell you babes ....watch out then.... I dont want to burst your bubble but maybe although you sound like an awsome guy....maybe just maybe there could be some affair going on there....
my best to you and stop trying so hard...instead LOVE you and get attention to YOU...keep your chin up....best of luck!
2006-09-21 04:15:50 · answer #5 · answered by karaya6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say this sounds like she has fallen out of love. Have you tried to offer to do something that she has been dying to do, something she wants to do or see or something? Maybe she will warm up to it and try after that to see the other things that you are trying to do. I don't know your situation and that may not be the case, she could be under stress or you could be making her feel that everything is about sex by trying to end the wonderful things with sex when she may be too tired or not in the mood. You really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and try to find out if there is something wrong, something that can be fixed. Tell her how hard you are trying and discuss your relationship, she may be holding in a problem that she has because she feels you do not care or do not listen, if all else fails maybe seek some counseling, sounds like thete is something deeper going on. Good luck!
2006-09-21 04:02:18 · answer #6 · answered by countrygrl278 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write a letter to the wife. It's can be easier to express your feelings in writing AND reading requires some form of attention rather than pretend listening. Write a letter telling her how you feel about her as a woman, as the mother of your children.. all good things of course. Then tell her how you feel when you are unable to express your love to her in so many ways... at the end, maybe suggest a date to have a date. Tell her to clear her schedule. Sucks, but sometimes you have to make an appointment for romance especially when you have a very active wife and mother. If this doesn't work, perhaps suggest counseling. Men and women's feelings are both equally important and should equally be nurtured in a relationship.... GOOD LUCK
2006-09-21 04:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you 2 need a vaction together, but maybe if you could help her around the house or whatever is keeping her so busy she would have more time. Try doing things before she get to them. Does she also work, alot of women are overwelmed trying to hold down a job and family. I know i did. Just talk to her if the only time to talk to her is when you go to bed then hey you have her attn. Tell her how you feel, maybe she doesnt know you feel that way. Send her flowers, make supper for the family just anything to where she has time to sit. Good Luck.
2006-09-21 04:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to sit down away from the kids and you need to express all the desires you hold in your heart. Let her know your not feeling it or getting any satisfaction on her NONE ways.
If that doesn't work, try counseling.
Are you smothering her when she's needing her space? That can be a way she may be pushing you away.
After the talk, and you see no change, maybe, just maybe you might want to do alittle investigationg on your own and see if the wife has other intentions with someone else. I don't want that to scare you, but it may be why she doesn't want to do things with you any more, and useing her "work" as the excuse.
Try the talk hon, you may find it's all it takes to bring her back to your needs.
2006-09-21 04:04:19 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a question that a man or woman can answer.
Clearly... the marriage is in trouble and she will need to know that Husband and Wife time is crucial to a sucessful marriage. It seems it's definitely time for counseling.
She (especially) will need to face the hard facts and will need a major wake up call regarding her priorities. The simple truth is
The "DANGER" signs are looming and the situation is a hand is a set up for divorce, cheating or emotional abandonment.
RUN as fast as you can to a marriage counselor or therapist. She needs to go with you but in case she's not ready, you should still seek guidance.
2006-09-21 04:40:23 · answer #10 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋