I met a gentleman 3 yrs ago, I have 3 grown kids on thier own, he has no children. We decided to get married its now been 18 months later. My younger son that was in the Marines for 5 yrs, had a substantial savings, car, self sufficient. He came back home and has more than taken on his share of responsibilities, morally, physically and financially. The problem is that my husband is asking me to make a decision to choose him or my son, he does not want my son living with us any more just because he is not working, but he is financially able to not work at this time. He is taking off some time, something in the military you do not have any of your time belongs to everyone else. I cannot believe I have been asked to make such a decision. At this point I do not feel that there is a choice to be made. Any ideas on how to reckon or reason to such a question? There is room for everyone, the home is mine and has been for 20 years. Why would he demand such decision made?
2006-09-21 03:32:23 · 18 answers · asked by peach31522 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Although it may sound unusual and tough, but the real fact is that continuing with a selfish person is not at all advisable
2006-09-21 03:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by Ramesh M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This situation is not uncommon: a new husband jealous of a mature son. Men can find the presence of another mature male around very inhibiting. You love your son as only a Mother does - but men are men not women and your husband cannot feel the same. Discuss the problem with you son - he may be happy to find his own place if he understands your position. He is, in any case, rather old to be living at home: needs his own space to develop his own relationships. Tell your husband to be patient, you understand his feelings and will deal with the situation. Tell him to be patient and that you love him.
2006-09-21 10:46:22 · answer #2 · answered by blithespirit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be asking you this because he is missing the alone time that he used to have with you. But to ask you in unfair. Talk to him, and tell him that your kids come first, you love him, and would never ask him to make a decision like that, so how can he expect you to. Its ridiculous. But if your son and husband don't get along, maybe it would be a good idea for him to move out. He is old enough to be on his own now, and from the sounds of it, responsible enough to handle it. Talk to them both and see how it goes. Good Luck.
2006-09-21 10:37:26 · answer #3 · answered by Becky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is being kind of unfair as this is your son and he isnt sponging off you. it would be different if he was living and not helping out with you. Maybe if you sit down with both of them and let them talk and decide, it is so unfair to you as you love them both. Let them both know that this is a choice you just cannot make and should not have to. we are Mothers for life, not just until they go into the world, and how your husband canask you of this, I dont know. Let them talk it out. The only reason I canthink of is that your husband feels your son is stepping on his toes and is jealous??
So sorry for you that this is what it came to, but i would take a back seat in this and allow them to talk it out.
Good Luck
2006-09-21 10:46:17 · answer #4 · answered by Debbie H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put the ball back in your husbands court.....tell him to choose between you with your son or you not at all..just to let him know how it feels... also try to talk to your son and tell him the spot you are in, maybe if he really is morally responsible he will leave on his own just for the fact of not causing any trouble between you and your husband ...i would not ask him to leave or indicate in any way that you want him to him to leave though ...but what ever happens remember that your son is part of you and your husband came along later..besides he is an *** for even considering making you choose between him or your son......how long is he planning on staying anyway? were did he live before he joined the marines?did you invite him to live with you or did he just come home and move right in?
2006-09-21 10:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by greg f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like your husband has security issues. or better yet controlling issues. there should never be a choice between your children and someone else. period. you just married this man less than a year ago and you never know what the coming years may bring. but your son will always be your son no matter what. and as long as your son is able to contribute and not mooching than i don't see what the problem is.
the only problem could be as i mentioned before that your husband has some issues he needs to deal with. maybe counceling or asking your husband what is the REAL issue. i have never known for anyone to have a problem with anyone who is contributing. i don't get it. and you shouldn't have to deal with it.
2006-09-21 10:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by jstalitbit29 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no choice. But watch out because if he chooses to leave you better find out about protecting what is yours,your house and what belonged to you before going into this marriage or he may try to take you for it. Get it into someone's else's name if you can or put someone else's name on it first and your' s second etc,. If he really loved you he would not be asking you to choose in the first place.....
2006-09-21 15:17:50 · answer #7 · answered by copperfish310 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because your son is financially stable and freeloading of you two while spending all his money on himself. also, why would you allow you son to blow his savings in young adult behavior, booze, drugs, whatever. maybe the guy you married has a strong work ethic and not to work is a sin in his eyes. it sounds like it is your house, but now that you are married, it is both your houses. tell your son to get working on his future, because when the money is gone, you will be writing back asking why you husband won't let you support your son financially. But, always choose your son over your husband. you can find another one of them tomorrow. you can't find another son.
2006-09-21 10:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by healthprof 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a mother my advice to u is if he doesn't let this go give him the choice to leave, the point is that yr child will never stop loving u and you yr child, nothing else should get in the way of that. i tell my partner that in our relationship our kids come first. he seems like he's jealous because he isn't getting all of yr attention and if that's the case he has some issues to work out.
2006-09-21 10:40:12 · answer #9 · answered by mandiej81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's an unreasonable request. IMO
It may be that he likes having you all to himself. Having your son living in the same house is too constricting for him.
Tell your husband that you don't feel his request is fair or reasonable. Ask him why he feels this way. Tell him you refuse to choose. If he gets pissed off and leaves, that's his problem.
2006-09-21 10:37:52 · answer #10 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is your son and you should never throw him out for someone else. My mom did that to me over my real dad when i was 14 and i am now 28 and I will ALWAYS remember that. if we argue she tells me that I am still holding all of that against her but i can't let it that go that easy. how can you put your own child out especially if he is not giving you problems. just remember that your family will always be there ... a friend or spouse might not. so would you want to lose someone you have had around all there life over that?
2006-09-21 10:44:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋