Please could you offer me some advice:
My collegue and I have just had a disagreement over purchasing some envelopes. Take it from me, the situation was all her fault because she ordered the wrong ones. When I asked her If she could speak to the company or cancel the order she told me to "back Off" and leave her alone (This really upset me). She is the sort of person who doesnt like to accept they are in the wrong. I just caught her tittle tattling to another collegue about the situation where I was not at fault. She would have turned it around to make it my fault!!.
What do I do:
1) Ask the other collegue what she said,
2) Leave it lie and be very(overly) Friendly to her,
3) Other (please state)
Any other advice would be helpful.
Thanks
2006-09-21 03:29:41 · 16 answers · asked by Rhys H 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I think you should speak to her and ask her why she is being like this to you when it is her fault and you were only trying to help. Failing that you should go to your manager or boss and tell them as she is basically bullying you by making you feel bad and spreading it round the office. Don't let her get away with it or you will be seen as a pushover. Stand up for yourself as you are in the right, you have equal rights.
2006-09-21 03:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by koolkatt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you say, sincerely I am sorry collegue, if I offended you. Please know that I am sorry if I got you upset.
Know in your heart, you were actually trying to help, but she didn't want it. Now its her order, let her deal with the consequences, and don't gloat over it.
Knowing she cannot accept being wrong, tell her you were really just trying to help,
make a joke about envelopes, How crazy it is to get stressed out over it!
At break and lunch, if it is brought up,. just make fun and light of
it, do not hold a grudge. Like "STress stress stress!
You know the reason she will be angry is
1 you both want control
2. it was in front of your coworkers and is embarrassing
3. if she is like that, she will get angry at anyone who disagrees
Its not what you say, Its HOW you say it. If she felt imtimidated,
just be careful with your approach to her. Ask her what do you think, instead of Its this way your wrong.
I hated working in offices, This bs always happens.
Remember, you are a good person and it seems very detailed orientated.
Just get your job done and don't take it too seriously.
Good luck. I have found in clerical settings, it is more important just to relax and get work done in a friendly atmosphere.
Do something nice for yourself, today.
2006-09-21 10:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey,
My personality is much more like yours than hers, so I think I understand where you're at right now.
Her behavior is not atypical of a certain type of personality.
I could be wrong, but chances are that she's the extraverted sort who likes to be involved in everything, always has an opinion, and shows a great deal of emotion (good and bad) in her interactions. When she's mad, she blows up; when she's happy, she overly pleasant.
She probably also is capable of holding grudges, doesn't like to analyze situations, likes to gossip about everyone's personal details, and is terrible at accepting personal criticism.
No matter whether she conforms to my idea or not, here are a few tips:
1. Don't take it personally. Yes, to you, it was hurtful because if you did that to someone, you'd be expressing a lot of hate; for her, it was just her typical canned reaction. I know it's not that easy for you to turn off your feelings; just realize things aren't as bad as you feel right now about them.
2. In the short term, her gossip might be believed. Long-term, people wise up. If your coworkers have enough experience with both of you, they know you both well enough to weigh out what she says about you, and they have also probably been victims of her gossip and explosive anger.
3. The maturity of your behavior also will go a long way towards supporting your view of things, versus hers. If you are easy to work with, understanding, and even-tempered, that will say a lot about you. Don't start reacting out of hurt to what she's done.
4. Keep things cordial with her to whatever level you find comfortable, and don't press the issue. Yes, it was her fault; technically, there is no reason to fight over this unless your boss criticizes you for the problem and it wasn't your fault. She's belligerent on the topic; is there any practical use to trying to win the point?
5. The order needs to be fixed. If you feel like involving her, simply focus on the responsibilities of what needs to get done: "The order will be shipped wrong if we don't fix it; since you know the people there better than I do, can you phone in the change?" for example.
Otherwise, just fix it yourself. Tell them someone from your company accidentally sent the wrong order, and you're calling to correct. If you feel the need to validate yourself or if your boss asks you about it, there's an excuse to let him know your coworker simply made a mistake and that you are taking active steps to correct it (makes you look good, huh? :) )
Personally, I find the sort of person you describe difficult to work with, simply because I'm even-keel and a sensitive person. If you must work with her, these are sort of things I'd do in your situation.
Good luck, and hang in there!
2006-09-21 13:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you care whether she lives or dies? If not, then why care what she says? Not a constructive answer, but one to keep in mind as we go through life.
OK...a little investigation is necessary. Does this woman often talk about people behind their back? You can usually tell because she would have discussed somone else with you before now. Do people appear to like her but are a little afraid of her? If that is so then she is the typical bully. What you need to do is to start discussing her with others...make sure she gets an idea of what you are doing. You will threaten her power-base and she will respond in one of two ways......back off, or try to get friendly with you. That's not the way to deal with physically violent bullies, but it works with the office dragon.
2006-09-24 06:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by Sylvia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I'd ask her to join you in a quiet office and ask if there is any way you can smooth the situation. Be nice and say you didnt intend the problem to escalate and certainly didnt wish there to be any bad feeling.
I find by sorting the problem as soon as possible the problem will not get any worse. By involving her in the situation rather than just going above her head to her boss hopefully will make her feel better about you approaching her.
2006-09-21 10:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by brianthesnailuk2002 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
3) Other
You should confide in your manager about the situation and from the management experience I have had, your manager should have a word with both of you. This way you can have a mediator settle the issue and whoever is at fault will know it.
I certainly wouldn't get involved in 'he-said-she-said' sort of rumor milling. Just go to the boss and sort it out before it becomes a bone of contention. Work place drama's should be snuffed out at the first possible occasion.
2006-09-21 10:44:45 · answer #6 · answered by quay_grl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would let it lie. If you bring it up again she will probably slate you to others for being pedantic...over some envelopes! Don't be over friendly towards her, this may get misconstrued! Just be normal towards her.
A colleague of mine would tell her again to cancel the order straight away.
I would not ask the other colleague what she said, that's not fair on them. This is between the two of you.
Hope this helps, there's nothing worse than a bad atmosphere.
2006-09-21 10:43:17 · answer #7 · answered by pignut 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definately dont go asking other colleagues behind our back about what she said - you're really stirring it then.
I think maybe you should just leave it till another incident happens which directly concerns you and then ask her if she has a problem, or would she like to talk about anything, as you feel her attitute is not up to scratch and you're concerned about her actions.
If she declines this talk then I would kinda put the warning out there that you're not the only one that has noticed her behaviour and it will not be stood for in the workplace.
2006-09-21 10:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like somebody else said, I would take her to one side and talk to her about it. Explain you want no bad feeling between you over something as trivial as envolopes. Perhaps try to sort this sooner rather that later, as there is nothing worse than ill feeling at work, where things tend to escalate especailly in a female environment(sorry ladies, but thats just how it is!) Maybe offer to make the coffee while she orders the correct envolopes? If all else fails, order the damn things yourself, at least you know the right ones to get!Good luck!
2006-09-21 10:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her politely not to discuss you with other colleagues, point out that she wouldnt appreciate you talking about her behind her back. Suggest you put the incident behind you and agree to work together in the future.
If she continues to be unpleasant refuse to be drawn into arguments with her and make sure everyone knows you are doing your job efficiently, if she ordered the wrong envelopes then the order will be in her name, so its her problem.
2006-09-21 10:41:40 · answer #10 · answered by jean m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋