all in all my only goal for my daughter (all my kids, 3 others) is that she be extremly happy in whatever she decides to pursue. However this news did throw me for a little loop. She said she is not sure when I asked about her being a lesbian. She also said she did not think it a phase.my question to all f you is this. When one comes to the terms that they may be gay or lesbian does it take a while for you yourself to accept it?
She is our daughter and we are quite proud of her. I am just assuming that she is a lesbian and is having a problem admitting it to herself...so how wrong am I??
2006-09-21 03:29:27 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
ps-"my daughter" not Ma daughter (sounds like an accent)
2006-09-21 03:33:19 · update #1
No-actually out of college a couple of years.dated a few boys growing up-nothing I considered serious. (remember a guy looks at your daughter and DAD takes it seriously...lol)
she seems happy so i dont push the issue-I guess I have a hard time believing that someone can be BI-i think most are one or the other-but say BI so they dont have to commit-i could be way off-who knows
2006-09-21 03:50:07 · update #2
How could I LET my daughter date a woman? R u serious? She is 22, a college grad, lives on her own, Im thinking she is pretty independent----you sound like you are six-not a parent -go to hell? honestly the Jesus I believe in would never send someone to hell for loving another person--
2006-09-21 03:55:42 · update #3
Well, I guess this will be my final comment. Thanks for your answers. it was nice to know I'm not way out in left field with my thinking. For the couple of you, (and perhaps there will be more so you also) who "blamed"me or insist it is Hell for eternity, well you have your own issues to deal with and I wish not to add to your already troubled mind.
I recieved some emails that stated how good I was to accept it-well I really believe that more parents than not, while perhaps not agreeing with the lifestyle, would be supportive. It is your child. For any of you folks out there that are younger and have not been accepted at home by your parents, let me say that it says far more about them than you-
p.s. I think I have now changed my mind on gay marriage!!! Take Care and thankyou
2006-09-21 08:11:32 · update #4
My very dear Sir, I can only tell you what my mother told me on the day she found out I was in a lesbian relationship (very long term, we're approaching our 26th anniversary) Mama said "All I want for you is to have someone in your life who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. I will never stop loving you, you're my daughter and my baby. " I persoanlly didn't know I was a lesbian until I met my Best Beloved. Then I knew this person and I were together. Some people don't know or won't admit to themselves until they know how others around them feel. Just love her. Love her like you have before and be there. Blessings.
2006-09-21 04:32:14 · answer #1 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering the amount of conflicting emotions that society as a whole exhibits toward homosexuality in general, is it any wonder why a person, upon the realization that they are homosexual, would have a period of time in which they question themselves as well as their sexuality?
The majority of young people aren't taught that it's OK to love someone of the same sex, they are brought up with the talk of a husband/wife, children, good job and so on, and when the realization that this "dream" isn't a reality for them, it can be quite hard to accept. They question themselves as to whether they actually feel what they think they are feeling, whether their family and friends will accept them, how society will treat them....It's not an overnight decision.
It takes a while, the best thing you can do is to show her how much you support her and love her. Having that type of family affirmation makes the process much easier for all involved.
You might want to address your questions to PFLAG, I'm sure they have a large database of information that can answer your questions far better than I, or any on here, can.
2006-09-21 03:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am a Father, Grandfather, & Great Grandfather who also happens to be gay. If I had the responsiblity and where-with-all, I would nominate you as father of the year. I admire you for your understanding and pride of your daughter. She is a lucky young lady.
As for your daughter, I would hazzard a guess that your assumptions are correct. When she told you she was dating another woman but didn't know for sure if she was a lesbian, it was part of a learning stage about her own feelings. Every gay man or woman I have spoken to have told me that they had relationships with the same sex for various periods of time, before they finally accepted to themselves that they were gay (or Bi)
She is fortunate to know, by your reaction, that when she finally knows for sure one way or the other, that she will feel comfortable discussing it with her Parents, without fear of reprisal. She is lucky to be living in an age where there is more acceptance and knowledge of homosexuality. This should prevent her from making the mistake of thinking that a heterosexual marriage will solve the problem. My generation did not have that advantage. **
Take care and all the best to you and your daughter.
**PS; Although deep down I knew I was homosexual, I did not admit it to myself until my early 40s which finally resulted in a divorce. However I was fortunate in finding a wonderful partner and still maintain a close relationship with all my family. After 26 years Ron and I enjoy the love and respect of both our families including all my children & grandchildren.
2006-09-21 04:55:56 · answer #3 · answered by roqofages 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeh, it's not that unusual for it to take time to figure out. With everything in society geared to heterosexuality, it can be difficult to sort out the difference between platonic love and romantic love. For some, bi-sexuality is too confusing so they decide that if they are attracted to the same sex, they must be gay. For others, the idea of being gay is a little too much to accept so they figure they are bi-sexual. In the end, people usually figure out which sex is the whole "package" for them. Sometimes it really is the right person of either sex, and sometimes it's pretty much only the same or opposite sex. Time and being honest and open with yourself generally is the only way to figure it out when you're not born 110% gay or straight.
You sound like a really great father and your daughter is very fortunate, btw. Everyone changes over time, sexuality is just one dynamic. Try not to label your daughter but to simply accept her for where ever she is at today - it'll keep you both much closer and also show her the way to accept you and others on the journey through life's many changes.
2006-09-21 04:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by Alex62 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your daughter is very lucky to have a supportive parent like you!
yes, sometimes it takes a while for us to even accept ourselves, especially living in a society where, even though it has become more accepting, still looks down on us. Looking back, I know I was always attracted to women, and never to men. I finally admitted to myself at 18 that I was lesbian, but, since I didn't know anyone at all that was gay, and I was afraid at the time to tell my parents, I had trouble accepting it myself for quite a while. Finally, as I got older and met/talked online with other gays/lesbians, I didn't feel so alone and grew more comfortable with who I was. My family, friends and coworkers accept me for who I am, and I have a wonderful, loving partner.
and, as Indy T suggested, you might want to check and see if you have a local chapter of PFLAG.
good luck and bless you!
2006-09-21 04:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are probably correct. But, it is possible that she is bisexual, many people are truly bisexual. Either way, she will be fine with a Dad like yourself who is obviously only concerned with his daughter's happiness. She's 22 and finding her own way and that is natural. The only advice I would give you is not to pressure her about defining her sexuality. She's in the process of doing that if she previously dated men. Just go with the flow and let her know you love her same as always, it's the best thing to do right now. The rest she'll figure out for herself.
2006-09-21 03:59:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe it will take her time to admit that she is a full lesbian. It is a very very difficult thing to admit to yourself..never mind difficult for you to accept. I think you are right in your evalution of her lebsianality(is there a word)...you sound very supportive of her and she probably really needs that right now(and she's very lucky to have it)....You sound like you are pretty intune with your daughter and her feelings--that you should be proud of....give her some time to digest her feelings (but she may be saying that she is not sure about being a lesbian for your sake--to sort of ease you into it)...If you need more advice PLAG(Parent and friends of gays and lesbians) is a wonderful organization that may have more information for you...
2006-09-21 06:18:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
At least your daughter loves you enough to come out and tell you, maybe she is bi and hasn't fully decided yet, I'm sure if one of my kids told me they were gay of course I would be surprised, but I know I could live with it and it would not be a problem because I would still love and support my child in whatever they choose. Just be there for her, she loves you and needs your support.
2006-09-21 03:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
WoW! I wish my parents were like you. Just let her know that you love and support her no matter what. It is in fact very difficult for the majority of us to accept ourselves and deal with homosexuality. Love your daughter no matter what!
2006-09-21 05:46:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I came out to my mom (as bi) at 15, and I met this awesome girl at 18, and she thought it was a phase until I married the girl at age 30. :-)
I'm sure you can come to terms quicker.
As for the label, she could be bi, or just think of herself as "in love with this woman."
2006-09-21 03:31:46 · answer #10 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋