Am I going too far?

Question

SO I have been married for 2 years and I completely spoil my wife, I cook her dinner 90% of the time, I serve her the food, clean up afterwards, I'm always making sure she is taken care of all the time. I take her anywhere she wants to go, I contsantly buy her presents all the time, I am always making sure she feels loved and feels special... she does do stuff for me alot but no where compared to what I do for her in a day to day basis.. am I going too far with this? meaning that I know she loves me but if this were you would you know the diffrence of taking advantage of the situation or taking it for what it is?

Answer 1

It sounds like you are wonderful husband and as long as you enjoy doing these things for her it is nothing wrong with it. But the only problem I see with it is what would her response be if the day ever came that you were not able to do them (or just didn't want to anymore)? There can be problems with spoiling people. My best advice going into my marriage was to "start out like you can hold out," which meant don't start anything that you are not prepared to continue. Is she with you because of the things that you do for her (meaning the pampering) or because of you? Hard question. I suggest you ease off some and see what the response will be. That is what I had to do.

Answer 2

You certainly do spoil her, that is a fact by what you have said. You never said whether you enjoyed doing these things or not. I am assuming that you do since you continue spoiling her. It is going to get "old" sooner or later. You are going to eventually become mentally and physically tired of waiting on her hand and foot. I would talk to her. Tell her that you both can share the household duties. If she keeps the house clean all week long, then yeah why not have you cook dinner. I do not see anything wrong with that at all. You mentioned something that caught my attention, " I am always making sure she feels loved and feels special". You can do this other than buy presents. And hopefully you both have "yours, mine, and our" friends to enjoy. It cannot be just you. Since you are both so in love with each other, then you should also be able to tell her how you feel. Not so "to the point" as you have asked us here on Y answers, but in a different kind of way. Tell her that you want to start saving more money for both of your futures and the gift giving will be cut down a bit. See how she reacts. Tell her that you want her to be with you while dinner is made and you would like her to help you clean up afterwards. It would be quicker and then you will be able to spend more time with her after dinner. Two hands are better than one.
It is great that you want to do things to show your wife that you love her. But it can reach a limit. I do not want to see you resenting her in the future because you feel you do more than her. Just wait until you have kids!! OMG! That's a completely different can of worms. HA! Just enjoy each other now. Set rules and boundries. Love should be a give a take partnership. You sound like a wonderful man. It touches me that a man can be so thoughtful. She is a very lucky young lady.
Since you are asking these questions after only two years, I would take a look and reflect on what the future may hold.
Good Luck to you! LGK

Answer 3

If my husband would do a quarter of what you do for your wife, I would be as happy as a pig in s hit.loll. Are you both working outside the home? If you are then I think chores and the likes should be equally shared. On the other hand, if your wife is the only one working outside, it's only fair that you should do most of the stuff around the house. For a long time it was assumed that because a woman stayed home it was her duty to work her @ss off, not anymore. Anyway, if it works good at this time, don't change anything. You may want to talk to her though, clear up things before it's too late. Cheers!

Answer 4

Are you doing this because you want to or because you want something back? I must tell you that it is very nice to have a guy do so much and possibly I may tell you that yes, depending, you might be going a little bit too far. How? well don't just do it and clean and this and that. Enlist her in the "transactions". see you might even be looked upon a macho man or something and she is just waiting for you to give up and for her to do it. What I am saying is that when I was married, I used to be sitting in the middle of friends and family and every one used to say how my ex is a good dad or he is very nice or very complementary or very sensitive or servicable and I used to remember that I would simply say:"yep and I am waiting for my turn since he will stop someday".
Again, yes you might be going over board, not too far, but a little bit crazy and again enlist her into helping or doing it with you. Now when you marry was she always the one to sit and you to do, because if that is the case, well you know the saying: "you knew what you were getting yourself into or you get what you wished for". But sincerely, relax, you are doing excellent and I commend you because no matter what I know she loves it and is getting spoiled and believe me "bank" all that so when it is time for you to get paid, you go with your invoice and bayboy, you ask to be paid (with however you want, freaky or not)

Answer 5

If you want to know if she appreciates or is taking advantage, just stop doing things for a day or two.You will see it right away.
I think she is a lucky girl because not many men go all out like that every single day.She should appreciate you.Just make sure you get a little spoiled too every once in a while.

Answer 6

You can do so much for a person that she resents it and wonders where her place is in the structure of the family. If she is healthy and of normal intelligence she doesn't need that level of care. I'd cut back a bit since you seem to be beginning to resent it. Since you've already trained her to expect this level of devotion, if you cut back too quickly shes going to think you love her less and that's not what you're after. Continue to encourage her when she does nice things for you, praise makes people want more praise.

Answer 7

My husband treats me the same way and I love it. I am like your wife. I do things, but he does way more. I realize that and appreciate it more than he knows. I don't think you're wife is taking advantage of you at all. I'm sure she appreciates every little thing you do for her. Maybe she just doesn't always know how to show it.

Answer 8

It sounds like your probably getting a shorter end of the stick!! If you like doing what you do, and you're not getting angry or resentful for what you get back, then keep doing it, as long as it makes you happy! Remember though, if you keep doing a lot of stuff for her, and always do it, she'll probably not understand all that you do, and might not appreciate you like you should be appreciated...so why don't you take a break so you can get some stuff too!

Answer 9

u probably r lying.. coz ppl like u don exist.. lol.. but hey. if ur doin things for her. and ur happy doin it.. y stop? coz ur doin because u love her.. and care bout her.. and want wats best for her. and love is more bout giving than receiving anyway. so.. really.. there isnt a need to compare how much she does for u. but once in awhile.. if u need reassurance tht she loves u.. go ahead and ask. im sure she shows it in many other ways.. even if she doesnt do as much stuff for u.and u say u know she loves u.. if she does.. then she wouldnt b takin advantage of u! but trust me.. and i think i speak for many women out there when i say this... if i had someone do all tht stuff for me.. id definately feel gratude.. and feel loved. witout a doubt!

Answer 10

It all depends on what your motivation is. Are you doing what you do because you love her and you want to make her happy, or are you doing it because you feel you have to? If it's because you love her and that's your personality, then no, you're not going too far. If it's for some other reason, you will end up resenting being such a giving person.