I'm pretty sure that my co-worker is gay, but i'm afraid if I ask him he'll turn to the boss and complain for sexual harrassment or something other. What can I do?
2006-09-21 03:18:08 · 22 answers · asked by JD 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
yeah, and I'm gay as well and want to go out with him, does that help?
2006-09-21 03:30:22 · update #1
A great deal of tact is required here. You know who you are, and that's a good thing. Now the question is, how to approach your co-worker. The best possible scenario I can give is to be honest and discreet with your approach. Ask him to join for a drink after work or another social function, at which point, with discretion simply ask how he feels about gay issues, that more than anything should give you an indicator as to whether you should pursue or let it alone. This also keeps any possible complaint of harassment to a minimum. If he answers positively to your queries, proceed to tell him you're gay, at which point, if he is attune to you, he will respond in kind. Sorry I can't give better advice, these things are touchy at best. I myself am fortunate enough to be completely out at work. Good Luck.
2006-09-21 04:24:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're afraid of the fact that you could get in trouble for sexual harrassment, don't come right out and ask him. Trying beating around the bush with questions that can be more open-ended, such as questions pertaining to a local gay bar and if it's any good, what area of the city he lives in (if it's near the local gaytto, that might give you a clue), or just ask him if he's dating someone.... that's a nice open question that shouldn't offend anyone...
2006-09-21 05:00:14 · answer #2 · answered by skullosvibe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to know? Are you gay too? His sexual preference is of no business to you unless you "like" him and want to go out with him. You can also tell if a male friend calls him at work more than a woman friend, and he acts "funny" when he's talking to him. If you are so desperate to find out, ask him if he wants to go out with you and some other male friends for some drinks at a gay bar. If he's gay and is not attached he will probably say yes and if he is straight and not married or going out with a girl and he knows the place you are going to is a gay bar, he'll say no. It could also be he's not gay but is not threatened or upset to be seen in a gay place. I've had friends who are not gay go to a gay bar to see a transvestite show and not felt upset at by being there and seen by other people there. I am a straight woman with gay friends and I don't feel threatened by them and they respect my sexual orientation. There are ways to beat around the bush to get a straight answer, but don't do it at the work place. If you are friendly with some co-workers arrange a small get together at your home or apartment for any reason, birthday? and see how he acts. you can always tell who the gay guys are.
2006-09-21 03:36:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sylvia P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
JM, why not ask him out to lunch as co-workers. Get away form the office and office enviroment and see what happens. It may not happen at the first lunch, but if you do it a couple times he might loosen up as a friend and tell yeah, or better ask you out.
Also taking it outside the office on a lunch hour is not considered sexual harrassment. However, ask other questions like do ya have a girlfriend or something like that to lead him onto his personal life.
Good luck
2006-09-21 03:46:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't really help. Sexuality is simply not something that should be brought up in the workplace.
You might try asking if he would like to catch a game at a nearby sports bar first. That's perfectly acceptable behavior and it doesn't insinuate sexuality at all.
Then if you two at least become friends OUTSIDE The workplace, THEN you might be able to cross that bridge to asking about his sexuality.
2006-09-21 06:19:46 · answer #5 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I assume that you are interested in this guy and you would like to get to know him better. So why not do just that? Be his friend, develop communication with him that may lead to a freindship outside of the workplace where the pressure of conforming will not be present.
However, I must tell you to use caution when mixing work and relationships.
2006-09-21 03:28:01 · answer #6 · answered by jrayhp 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Invite him out for a drink, then after you get comfortable enough, ask questions that might give it away. Remember that you can't force him and he has to be very comfortable with telling you something... that's because you're work buddies, so if he's not then it would make work hell for both o yous.
2006-09-21 06:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by Kookoo Bananas 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even need to ask him? Is he not doing his job every day, as we (presumably) assume you are? Your co-worker's sexual preferences are none of your business. And if you DO treat him differently and unfairly because of a perceived difference, then you DO deserve to be charged with sexual harassment or bigotry.
2006-09-21 03:25:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you could ask him if he would like to hang out sometime, or just grab a drink after work one night... just casually. Then, talk to him about things like girlfriends, etc. If he is indeed interested, he'll probably take that opportunity to show it.
2006-09-21 04:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by pceej 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no don't ask him for the simple fact that he might turn it around on you and then it will start alot of mess.....
Also workplace romances are hazardous to your health...meaning..what will happen if it doesn't work out ?are you ready to find a new job..You have to weigh all the pros and cons of the matter...be careful sweetie.
2006-09-21 06:27:55 · answer #10 · answered by I dont trust no Bush but my own. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋