2006-09-21 03:10:48 · 35 answers · asked by pureessence 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To those who said, "pretend you're not home", "leave before they visit", "make up an excuse why they can't visit"...
How can you constantly do that and live like that?
2006-09-21 03:36:39 · update #1
Explain to your spouse you are his new family. He is supposed to favor you above all else. Would he give his life to protect you? Well, this seems like a lot less...
2006-09-21 03:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by TiM 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them flat out that if they don't call first, you're not going to answer the door and if they can't respect that, they'll be standing there knocking on the door while you're off doing the laundry or whatever.
Also, don't let them give you the "we were in the neighborhood" BS because that's exactly what it is.
We lived like 5miles from my MIL, in the complete opposite direction of any store, unless she was planning on going 80 miles down the road to a different walmart, and she would use that excuse all the time. "Oh I was just going by and thought I"d drop in"
And don't think that you have to have them over all the time just because they live close. We're going to be living less than 2 miles from my MIL soon, and my husband and I both agreed that we're going to see her about as much as we do now, and right now we live about 70 miles from her.
2006-09-21 03:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if it bothers you enough to come on this board and ask for help, it's probably time to discuss with your husband. If he won't talk to his parents with you, then you're going to have to take matters into your own hands. I think that you must establish boundaries for phone calls, visitations, and even freedoms within your home. Remember, when you marry, you and your spouse are a new family unit and you need to take care of that union to protect it from collapse. The things that bother you, tell them. Otherwise, the in-laws will be the downfall of your marriage.
2006-09-21 04:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by ncmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly how you feel. My mother in law just lives 2 houses down. She isn't mean at all, she is just very annoying. She will come to the house and not even knock. she will just walk right on in without even calling first. So, I have gotten to the point where I keep the front door locked. Whenever my son is outside playing she will call me every 10 minutes fussing about something he is doing and he really isn't doing anything wrong. It drives my son crazy too! Or she will call me a tell me that SHE doesn't want he at some kids house... I'm like and what's the problem. She is just very very noisy.......
2006-09-21 03:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by jeter2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your husband does not want to move, you guys should sit down and discuss the issue. Matter of factly inform him of your concerns (which I am sure are valid) but in the process of doing so avoid sounding like you are pointing fingers or much worse, complaining.
Select a time when both of you are relaxed and there are no distractions around. One suggestion I have is to begin the the sentence with "when your mom shows up un-announced, I feel like I am left with no options but to entertain them which is not a problem as long as they dont do it as often as they do. sometimes, when they come there are things that I would like to do that I am not able to because I am distracted. do you think you can help me let them know about this?". Be very careful about your selection of words and remain reasonable and calm.
Good luck.
2006-09-21 04:00:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your spouse that it is ok that you don't move but that the in-laws are not allowed at your home. Your home is a place where you can go to after a long day at work and relax. But if they are going into your home then you cannot enjoy the piece and quiet. That is your kingdom and you have the right to allow whom ever you want into it. Good luck.
2006-09-21 03:20:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pretend your not home.Don't answer the door. Screen your calls.Keep the lights off at night . Or find another house and a good reason to move that doesn't involve the " I want to move away from your parents" reason. You are a woman , So think like one. You'll see, you'll be moved in no time.Just don't tell him it's because of the parents.
2006-09-21 03:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by jassy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't answer the door.
My in laws used to call like 5 minutes before they were going to show up. I started making up things. "I'm heading out the door to a massage appointment." Then I would actually leave in case they decided to drive by and try to "visit" anyway.
2006-09-21 03:11:31 · answer #8 · answered by C K Platypus 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd say he's staying close to his safety blanket, you two need to have a talk. Find out why he needs to be stuck right up their butts, you've probably done so already but he needs to get the message that your relationship is in jeopardy. I guess, trying to find out what his real reason for not wanting to get away from there is,is worth a try. As a last resort sweets, let him know that you think it's time to part company with them and you need to know, is he married to you or to them.GOOD LUCK!!...LATER
2006-09-21 04:07:52 · answer #9 · answered by veteranpainter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the same situation as my SIL - I am so sorry!!! What she has done is devote herself to her kids and their activities and invites the in-laws to an activity once a month - and they go over the in-laws for dinner one night a month.
It's about setting boundries (which I know is HARD, because I was not able to do that when they lived out here!!!) and sticking to them... BEST OF LUCK!
2006-09-21 03:15:21 · answer #10 · answered by t'kit ez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't stop them from living next door, but you don't have to visit or be there when they visit your home
so make thing clear always look for somthing to do when they come around
2006-09-21 03:21:37 · answer #11 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋