will do anything he can to help me, and tries hard to correct his shortcomings where he can. But I left him because although I care very much about him, I don't think I love him, I'm not attracted to him, and he has little energy most of the time. Also he lied rather majorly at the beginning of the relationship (though I think not since).
Did I do the right thing in leaving him???
2006-09-21 02:38:21 · 16 answers · asked by Quilps 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you every one for your answers and support! In answer to one of you, I did think about what I was doing breaking up with him, I thought about it for almost 9 months. My doubt comes not from that, but from thinking maybe I won't find anyone better thatn that and therefore, even if I don't love him and am not attracted to him, maybe I should have just learned to accept that because having someone like him was worth that sacrifice.
2006-09-21 03:32:21 · update #1
Absolutely! Assuming you have been with him for a while, if you are still unsure of your feelings for him and are not attracted to him by now, how can you possibly have a long term relationship. Leave now before you put any more time into the relationship. It will only get harder as time goes on for both of you. Love does hurt sometimes and it's better to end this relationship now if you feel the way you do about him. I know it is easier said then done but it really is for the best. You will go through periods of time where you will think it was the wrong thing. You will miss him, because you got used to having him there for you all the time. But if you keep yourself busy, the pain of your loss of the relationship will be a lot less. You need to think about your life in the long term. If you were to marry this man, it would more than likely end in divorce and there may be children involved. What a mess that would create. If more people would evaluate their feelings like you have and did the unselfish thing, maybe there would be less divorce out there. You definitely did the right thing. I give you alot of credit. Hold your head up high and don't second guess yourself. Best of Luck to you.
2006-09-21 03:26:32 · answer #1 · answered by momma g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time will tell, You should have thought more on the subject before leaving him, if it were the right thing I wonder then why are you thinking of it now, if it was what you wanted you wouldn't be looking back now right? You either love him or you don't and that's what you need to figure out before you do anything else!!!!
Was it right or wrong? You'll answer that on your own, in your own time b/c only you know! You might not know right now but you'll figure it out. Think things through before you act next time!!!! Maybe it was the right thing but you can't live on a titter todder - up and down, yes or no, gee I care but don't love, you need some time to get your berrys in a group. Good luck
2006-09-21 02:55:54 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In our dojang I see this all the time. I am actually the example you put forward. I attend class with my two sons. Youngest is 10 and the eldest is 13, I myself am 33. I'm the one who takes it seriously while my eldest just goes through the motions and my youngest sees it as fun. We all started at the same time four years ago. I am a red belt, my eldest is a blue belt and my youngest is a green tip. (He is in no hurry to grade because he can't test for his black until at least 14). My eldest hasn't progressed past blue because he isn't taking it seriously enough. That is the key right there. At some stage you have to take it seriously or you will get to a certain point and go no further. It isn't easy all the way through to black. Our gradings take training performance into account and my instructor has no qualms about refusing to grade you if he doesnt see the effort, or he is correcting the same thing over and over again. We have to take it serious at some stage and you aren't going to do something for years if you are just there to relieve boredom. Saying this though we do have a lot of fun in class with games that focus on balance and reflexes so it is not all serious martial arts. I don't think there is a better way to differentiate between the serious student and the hobbiest because eventually the training itself eliminates the students who aren't taking it as serious as they should. Time always tells.
2016-03-17 23:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obtained your love and trust at the outset with deception, you say? I would never be able to trust or respect such a person. To secure love via this route and then try to retain it by immaculate 'scheming' is rancorous. And if u never felt attracted nor liked him then this question loses its relevance!Is there any point in pretending and forcing oneself into a relationship and to tug it just to please the other person? The very fact that u gave him this ample a chance by 'accepting' his lies ( inspite of ur being aware of them) shows your magnanimity.Though many might say that you should have given him the second (?) chance, I still feel that you did the right thing (if u don't like someone, you DON"T like him period). Congratulations!
2006-09-21 02:47:53 · answer #4 · answered by Sonia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation!
And I left him before 4 months,and after 2 year relationship...Everything was ok,more or less (nothing or no one is perfect!),but deep inside in my heart,stomack,soul or wherever, I felt that he's not my soulmate...Sometimes I wonder also have I done the right thing,but I feel now better,like without some baggage.I think you should listen to yourself,because with time,unsattisfaction would grow,and ould end up more worse...
We talked and I told him the truth,everything I realy felt.Now we hear&see eachother,and it's ok.No hardfeelings...
2006-09-21 03:44:56 · answer #5 · answered by Yasna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have done the right thing. I did not love my husband of 25 years although he loved me dearly, I really tried to be inlove with him, but I couldn't. He lied when we were first together and continued this behaviour so I could never trust him no matter how much he said he loved me. Don't give it a second thought, get on with the rest of your life and Mr Right maybe just around the corner
2006-09-21 02:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you care about this person, you don't love him & believe me you will only end up hurting him even more in the end - i am on the receiving end of that at the moment & it dam hurt's. Also you are not attracted to him neither so it would never work. You have done the right thing!!!
2006-09-21 02:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you did. he sounds like a wonderful guy, but if you arent in love then you are hurting him more by being with him than if you leave. if you leave now, he will hurt for a while, but eventually move on. if you stay with him then you will end up resenting him and he will be more upset when you finally do leave. i think you really did the right thing for both of you. time will show you that it will all work out. hopefully he will find someone he is more compatible with, and you will fall in love, and everyone will be happy. it may take a few years, but i know you will see that you were right.
2006-09-21 02:42:51 · answer #8 · answered by olayak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know the answer to this but I would say yes, you should not stay with someone for the way they feel about you, it should be about how you feel about each other, remember there are 2 people in a relationship. It is better to end it now rather that several years later on.
2006-09-21 02:43:31 · answer #9 · answered by wombat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him,then you did the best thing to avoid heartaches in future.
2006-09-21 02:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by Bob Mukonka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋