Right now I am in a tricky financial mess because my wife just up and leaves jobs without finding a new one. She goes like 1 month with a job and 1 month looking for a new one. Its totally irresponsible. Right now we are trying to move into a new place, but because she hasnt been able to maintain a job for even more then 45 days we have problems. How can I teach her about doing things smart without offending her. Shes 28, but goes through life like she can still count on others to take care of her. Should I just let her stand on her own and work the problem out or step in a fix everything once again? Im to the point where its really getting me angry.
2006-09-21 00:38:24 · 15 answers · asked by Joe Bob Charlie, Joe Bob Chopper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are in a tough position. She's 28 and should know these things already. She was probably not raised with a good work ethic. I have to say, it's the same thing you would do with an irresponsible teenager (unfortunately)....which is that you have to let her fend for herself awhile. She probably DOES think everyone will take care of her, and so everyone HAS taken care of her.
tell her honestly,"I have to make some changes because I'm feeling alot of stress. I need to do somethings so that we can get by without me feeling really burdened......because if I feel burdened our relationship will suffer." These things will get her attention and make her listen. At that point, you need to choose some bills that she is totally responsible for. If she has a car payment, her part of the insurance, her spending money, and some of the grocery bills. Separate some of the bills so that she is responsible entirely for earning the money, paying them, mailing them, etc. You shouldn't even know about them as long as they are on time. The point is that you can't come in and save her at that point, unless she truly deserves to be. She has to learn that she HAS to keep a good job no matter what! No room for whining or complaining or blaming the boss for quitting or getting fired. The real world doesnt' work that way.
I have never been fired and every single job I've had has begged me to stay. That's how it should be. Did I like all those jobs? no, but was responsible and mature anyway.
There may be no way to do this without pissing her off. But tough love may teach her something. You are both adults......that's the bottom line. You are only asking her to be your equal adult partner.......you're not insulting her at all. If she gets upset it's only because you're pointing out her flaws and doesn't want to take blame.
2006-09-21 00:50:03 · answer #1 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money is often a huge problem. A marriage is a team, so there has to be common goals. This doesn't imply that either of you are wrong in money matters, just that you are different and both are "paddling the canoe in different directions" You guys need to agree on some direction, some goal. You may be working to have a big home, expensive car, and a condo in Aspen. She may prefer to live on a boat, and sail around the world as a pair of beach bums. It really doesn't matter what you two decide, but you gotta agree on which way to paddle the canoe.
2006-09-21 01:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didn't you know she was like this before you married her? Tell her she needs to get a job and stick with it.
She's not a little girl. Sounds as if you've always been the breadwinner in the family.
Maybe she feels that it's o.k. as long you you're the main financier of the marriage.
Talk with her and let he know what you want to happen. She can't do what she doesn't know. Maybe you should get angry. Quit "teaching" her that she's a little girl.
If she gets offended, she'll get over it. If you continue to treat her like a little girl, she'll continue to act the way she does.
Quit beating around the bush. If you want her to act like an adult, then treat her like one.
2006-09-21 02:17:54 · answer #3 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Recalling your history thru questions posted by you and your wife Meatsicklez, it would seem that Meatsicklez would still have her job at Wal-Mart had y'all not gotten into a brawl in the store, followed by her being apprehended for shoplifiting - from her employer, no less. The lessons to be taught are probably ethical and behavorial.
Further, y'all have so many lawsuits pending against so many individuals and companies for a myriad of reasons, that you should be "rolling in the dough" sooner, rather than later!
Congratulations on the new trailer!
2006-09-23 08:38:45 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
money in a relationship is always a tricky thing.. it seems to be what gets in the way and ruins a perfectly good relationship especially when the two people aren't agreeing on what needs to be done..
perhaps you need to sit down with her and have a talk.. talk about all the expences.. and such... and say that you can't do it all on your own.. and she needs to help out by finding a more stable job she's happy with.. and untill she can do that things are going to be tight.. so no money for extra fun things..
perhaps that will get her more on track
2006-09-21 01:05:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of her most basic needs. NOTHING ELSE. As long as you pick up after her you will have to baby sit her all her life, surprising you didnt think of this before you married a child. A child by the simple fact as she is irresponsible and childish. She is your wife, so make sure she has food to eat, a warm place to sleep, you know her basic neccessities taken care of and anything extra is HER JOB. IF she wants a new car then she has to pay the payments and buy it with her own money. DONT CO SIGN FOR HER TO BUY ANYTHING. I dont see anything wrong with a good $500.00 to $1000.00 for a good used car that is if your gonna have to buy her one so she will have something to drive.
She sounds like my 16 year old son right now. She can talk like an adult, but her actions are so childish. She thinks of no one other than herself just as my son thinks of no one other than himself. IF SHE IS GOING TO INSIST ON ACTING AS A CHILD THEN TREAT HER LIKE ONE.
2006-09-21 01:22:26 · answer #6 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her financially responsible. It's best if you manage all the money, she isn't capable of doing this herself and will get you and her in trouble everytime.
2006-09-21 00:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would say let her fall on her own but that is impossible. You are one now. Her downfalls are your and so on. You have a responsibility to make sure she is doing her part. Talk to her, help her get a job and encourage her to stay there. Its ok to be angry, as long as you don't go crazy. Talk to her about it.
2006-09-21 00:45:56 · answer #8 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My 2 cents is to assume that you are paying for everything and she is a home maker. then you can make the budget and anything she ever will make will be bonus money. Make her money be vacation money or new furniture money. Nothing vital. Then you will be securely happy and you don't be mad at her and she can be pleased that the money that she makes will be for something that you both are enjoying.
2006-09-21 01:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by Valeria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the checkbook and have her take over getting the bills paid every month. Then she will see where all the money goes and needs to go. But keep a watchful eye on that checkbook, making sure the bills are being paid!!
2006-09-21 02:03:39 · answer #10 · answered by POPPY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋