This is somewhat related to my previous post, but my boyfriend has no academic drive. He's smart, but he was never a good student in school nor does he have self-ambition. However, he told me he would complete a degree just because I wanted him to. He told me he doesn't want to, but because I want to, he'd do it to fit my "ideal partner" notion. Is this the right motivation or does it even matter? I'd rather he want it himself...
2006-09-21 00:15:55 · 7 answers · asked by Indubitably 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Poster 1: He used to smoke. He quit for me. I believe in perfecting guys as no guy is perfect. My guy friends at university for example are too self-absorbed for my liking. I'm probably self-absorbed so I need a guy like my boyfriend...
Besides the education thing, my boyfriend is basically 100% perfect.
2006-09-21 00:19:48 · update #1
hmm to add on: slightly irrelevant, but We both aren't marrying types, but we have to because we have different citizenships. Neither of us wants kids either, except maybe one....
2006-09-21 00:21:24 · update #2
poster 4: "Street smarts" aka drug dealing smarts isn't going to bring me tons of money. Cheers.
I don't mind being the breadwinner, but I don't want a husband who sits on his *** all day long doing nothing.
2006-09-21 00:24:53 · update #3
Poster 5: Nope, different person.
I am 20, no children, not married. Thanks anyway.
2006-09-21 00:26:47 · update #4
No matter how much you can prod him, ask him to complete an education, UNLESS the motivation for completing that Degree comes from WITHIN him, he will NOT complete that degree -- it is that simple.
Motivation to better ourselves comes from within -- we choose our paths in life -- and yes, I DO have several degrees -- both at the Undergrad and Grad level. These were because I was MOTIVATED and desired the education, and because it provided me with the opportunity to really provide for my children as a long-term single parent (more successfully than if I did NOT choose that path in life).
NO ONE is the 'ideal partner' in life. Each person has their own personality, their own traits, and yes, their own flaws. All this forms the 'person' you know.
Will he work in the future? Who knows at this time -- but realize this -- with OUT the motivation while young to complete that degree program, what other choices is HE making right now for HIS future (and yours, if you are to be a part of it)?
The CHOICES matter -- it will determine the success or failure (troubles/tribulations and happiness) of the relationship -- and with one partner shouldering the burdens of responsibility and the other just goofing off (or not being motivated), I would say that success is NOT certain in the future for this relationship.
The final problem is the fact that you mention you both are citizens of different nations (cultures?) How much do EITHER of you know of the culture/nations of which each of you are citizens of? One of the difficulties of this is that as you enter the other culture, you may find the 'cultural norms' so different that you feel put down, insulted, shocked, or any other variety of emotions, and behaviorally, that can also affect your success of meeting or living with his family as well.
2006-09-21 01:41:01 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe I answered your first question a day or so ago. If not advise your husband that continuing his education will not only help himself but you and any children y'all might have. It will hopefully increase his salary depending on what he does and most importantly show your children that having a higher than high school education is the best route to take. Which will make them not go out and do stupid shisa like all these hood rats you see all around us today.
2006-09-21 00:25:58 · answer #2 · answered by firemanwfd17 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that ivy crap is starting to strangle you. If you two have known each other for as long as you say you have, are you going to let education get in your way. So what if you become the bread winner in the family. I got news for you girl, all the book studing in the world wont give you common sense or street smarts, or even hands on experience
2006-09-21 00:22:35 · answer #3 · answered by captcruzer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever his motivation, it is good for him to complete a degree. If, in the end, he has to marry someone else, he will have a better chance of getting married well if he finishes his schooling.
2006-09-21 00:20:05 · answer #4 · answered by auld mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I promise he will never finish school if he doesn't do it for himself. You have to want a college degree, you have to want to do the work...it isn't enough to just want it for someone else. Trust me. I've tried.
2006-09-21 00:43:32 · answer #5 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has no self-ambition, his change for you will only be temporary, if you can't accept him as-is you need to find a new boyfriend.
2006-09-21 00:18:55 · answer #6 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say u should love or be with him because of the way he is not change him to meet your ideal guy.
2006-09-21 00:18:34 · answer #7 · answered by shelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋