How do I make my in-laws understand that I'll take care of my wife and they don't have to constantly check on all the things I do?!! Very irritating. She is always on phone with my wife :(
My wife also keeps on giving a status update kinda thing, every 2 hours! I have no privacy. My in-laws keep suggesting something for all the things, and it makes me wonder why the heck I am here! More than this, my wife / mother relation is also frictioned. I feel very bad, when I hear my wife say "Bhaa..my mother-in-law is a bore!" to MY mother-in-law :(
I hope you ppl understand my situation
2006-09-20 23:45:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is more a wife problem than an in-law problem. Your wife must realize that she is your wife, more than she is her mother's daughter. I can't imagine having my every talking to her mother every 2 hours.
2006-09-21 00:10:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not understand your situation.
A man who who lets his backbone be removed is beyond my comprehension. What part of being a doormat do you enjoy the most.Check you pants and make sure you still have some gonads in there.
Its time for you to put a halt to 5 phone calls a day. Stop accepting that your wife disrespects your family. If that is the level of respect she shows family it is probably the respect she shows you, very little.
You are right to ask, why are you there? It seems she is still in tight with mommy and you are just the one who pays the bills.
Man Up and stop this before it grows any more intrusive. It will not be easy or plea sent. If you have any chance of taking your household back it must be done. She is your wife make sure she comes to you first with any issues. Gossip or a gossiping wife is not to be tolerated.
2006-09-21 07:19:00 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a copy of your question and hand it to your wife. Talk about it and don't argue or fight about it. Talk like two adults and work on it to come up with a solution.
Your mother in law needs to but out and if your mother puts in her two cents at times she also needs to but out.
You both need to know that you two are the family now not the moms or dads. You are married and you both need to start being that. Moms and Daughters do have some type of connection but not as you show.
Work it out with your wife and explain that you are ready to blow up and really don't want to do that.
Good luck.
PS.
I had a problem as yours at first. My wife and I worked it out and I have never had to yell at my mother in law. I don't know what my wife said but when mother in law speaks she is very careful what she says. 22 years and mother in law tries to be nice even if I still hate her guts. Mother in laws did one great thing and that was to have my wife so I guess I will be thankful for that forever.
2006-09-21 06:58:06 · answer #3 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell you're wife how you feel when she discloses what is going on in your personal life to AnyonE, ESPECIALLY her mother. Tell her you feel bad when you hear negative remarks about your mother. Tell her she can make one call a day to her mother; AND, tell her if she doesn't stop the hourly reports, you will remove the phone from the house!!! Dude, you'd better dust off your balls and be the man of the family here before your mother-in-law moves in with you! godloveya!
2006-09-21 08:14:46 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wife who needs to clean this mess up. She should have stopped it from the get-go but now it has become a pattern. She needs to stop giving detailed information about your lives to her mom. She needs to grow up. She also needs to tell her mom that she will not listen to any criticism about you and your decisions. If she can't be supportive then she should just keep her opinions to herself. Your wife is feeding this negative relationship. I had a similar problem with my nlaws because my husband was the youngest in the family they continued to treat him as such even though he was a grown man. One day, I packed up the kids and I left. He was so stunned and I told him that when he was ready to have a wife that I would come back but that I was done having him give his mom's interests more consideration than my own. Also, when his mom starts giving him what he gets from me then maybe I would consider his point of view valid. I also had a frictioned relationship with my judgemental and interfering mother. When she overstepped the boundries of interfering with my kids I got a rude awakening. I warned her repeatedly but she didn't take me seriously. That was 7 years ago and I haven't talked with her since. She forfeit any privilidges she would have had as a granny. As for my nlaws well, they saw how serious I was and backed the Heck off quickly . Now we have a very amicable relationship without them interfering. It took time though, after all I allowed the bad habits to form by not stepping in sooner so it took a while to straighten it all out. I since teach the kids the value of privacy but not secrecy.
Our marriage is our own and we are much better off for it.
2006-09-21 09:00:18 · answer #5 · answered by AVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Dear, You have got it bad!
Mother and daughter relationships can be quite close, however, it's not going
to help you though, why not suggest a day just for her to spend a day with
them, on the understanding that you would like to have some quality time
together, and perhaps you can show her what a fantastic day she can
have with you, without the regular news bulletins, and hopefully you can
build on your relationship, before it gets too far.
Best Of Luck.
Lain
2006-09-21 08:09:28 · answer #6 · answered by LAIN E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your mother in law a nice pair of scissors for her birthday, with a card and instructions for cutting the cord. If this offends her and your wife greatly, your wife may leave, but your marriage won't do well with this kind of interference, anyway.
Really feel sorry for you.
2006-09-21 07:00:43 · answer #7 · answered by auld mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife that some things in your home are private.... Let her know this is causing problems between you... If she is not willing to change or see your side of how you feel..Then you have a bigger issue to look at.. Talk to your Mother in law.. Tell her you would like for her to give you some space in your marraige.... That is your home... Take it back.....
2006-09-21 06:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by levita45 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem isnt the in Laws it is the wife who isnt working with you toward independent life.
You need to come up with an approach that respectst the parents but that you both agree to use when dealing with them.
Good Luck and God bless!!
2006-09-21 07:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RESPECT that seems to be the word of the day. It is your wifes lack of it for your feelings. it is your wifes place to put her mother in her place. If she is unwilling to tell her mother to back off or say "mom its not your problem" then your problem is with your wife not you inlaws.
2006-09-21 14:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by oilsbycarr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋