My boyfriend is 28 and freaking out he was telling me that he is freaking out because he has nothing to offer me as a husband because he does not have his own place, he did not finish school, he does not have a steady job, he doesn't want my help, when i told him that i love him regardless and i am prepared to suffer through this time he seemed surprised. He has recently stoppted talking to everyone about this even his mother what do I do? I love this man and I just want your opinion.
2006-09-20 18:55:51 · 17 answers · asked by lovleymel@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I guess he feels like less of a man b/c his wife is doing better than him and he feels he as a man should be helping you out! talk to him and let him know that its ok as long as he has a plan to beter himselflike find a better job or finish school!
2006-09-20 19:02:04 · answer #1 · answered by CRAZY IN LOVE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi! I can relate to his situation right now because I too didn't finish my studies and I'm already married with two boys the eldest is 3 yrs. of age & the 2nd is a year and a half... it is just simply that your guy is having some regrets of his status right now, I know that he has a lot of plans and you're part of it already but behind his mind he was thinking of not achieving it and not doing anything about it but in fact that he is thinking of it, he partially doing some solutions already. it's good that you have assured him that whatever will happen you will always be there, but I just would like to stess it out that it is not what you think being together I mean being married is not that easy and maybe it could worsen the situation your boyfriends in right now. Now here's the best thing to do for both of you is to talk everything about your plans and your fears about the future because note this that we are not living for today but for the future, so you must consider things that could be possible for you guys to start with even how simple it is as long as you will live as couple in the future...you both try God, call Him, tell Him what is going on you guys and if there's someone who can lead spiritually, then go for it for you must know that there is more greater than our problems and we must not rely on our own capacity for we have our own limitation and so don't hold on to it...
2006-09-21 02:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by dad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Best thing to do is just continue to be there for him even though he may keep a good distance from you or anyone else for that matter. If anything just give him time to reflect on things and maybe he will come to his senses. Also, just continue to monitor him because that calls for serious depressions. Remember he didn't respond good to you about when you told him that you loved him because his state of mind is not totally there.
Again just watch over him to see how he is doing on a daily basis, if he continues to get worst by each day then I would suggest he seeks medical attention or talk to a psychiatrist.
Good luck.
2006-09-21 02:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by cool_dude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy sounds like he's conditioned himself by a set of beliefs and attitudes that run almost completely counter to his notion of self-control which in turn is determining his helplessness, passivity and his ineffectiveness when it comes to managing his life and his negative emotions about himself. He sounds very cynical about his whole life. The man is definitely a candidate for some professional therapy, as he seems to be detached and withdrawn from reality. He obviously doesn't like himself too much either because of his low self-confidence and his feeling of unworthiness inregards to his life situation.
It also sounds like this guy has become comfortable in his failure, he has created self-fulfilling prophecies in that his prediction of being a failure has lessened his motivation. We all have had experiences where we have met with temporary setbacks on our road to success but your fellow here avoids the risk by not even trying again after he has failed or not succeeded.
Honey you cannot change him and you had better learn to accept this fact now or the problems you will face later on can and will be detrimental to your health. A relationship with this man remains unclearly defined and is obviously frustrating to you as it stands right now. When expectations in a relationship are not shared and mutual understandings do not productively evole, an impasse is often reached. Such an impasse can involve mutual or one-sided withdrawal, distrust and it will eventual weaken the relationship, such as the case right now, by your b/f not wanting to talk about the situation.
I'm sorry but as I see it your relationship is bound for catastrope before long. And that my dear is my opinion!
2006-09-21 03:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is withdrawing into himself - he has a self-esteem problem in that he does not see his own self-worth, and does not think he is worthy of being with you.
Can both of you talk with a therapist? This is not a trivial issue, it needs some professional help. Someone needs to spend time with him to list his good points and the things he has done with his life. Everyone has accomplished some good things - not everyone has to be compared to others, using the same roadmap.
2006-09-21 02:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by Tom-SJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the man a break madam, let him breath a little, don't overwhelm him. Eventually you'll lose him.
Men are not habitual of being cared like a baby, and being corrected/guided at every step. Give him time to think, if you love him...give him chance to be independent. Don't feel you're suffering because of him, do your usual chorus, and let him think a little, if you'll do all the thinking...he is bound to be surprised!!!
2006-09-21 02:08:55 · answer #6 · answered by sameer s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm freaking out huh? Maybe he did not think you were really the one to love him. But good for you love is what is important! So many have forgot that...So many people are out for the money and just the stuff that they forgot about REALY TRUE LOVE!
Encourage him to talk to you and to him mom. Let him know and help him to understand that you are there for him and that you are not going any where. And I understand it is hard for a real man to ask a woman for help and good for him for not wanting you help because he is a man! But let him know its ok and you understand but you WANT to help becasue ya'll are a TEAM and one day he will be able to help you.
2006-09-21 02:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by tx_mailgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know what??? At 28 he still has alot of time to do all those things!!! Did he dropout of high school?? Urge him to go back and if he's not interested, try a trade school. Get a trade he can take care of you and make a good living!!! He's young crack the whip, stand behind him and motivate him!!!
2006-09-21 02:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by bsnana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wish I had someone like you. Inspite of good job, life, education and almost no debt. the only thing I am missing in life is Love!
You and him are lucky. Enjoy.
2006-09-21 01:59:31 · answer #9 · answered by Narend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dun you just sit and talk with him..ask what is his problem..and if he need to see a consultant or anything just bring him..maybe that will help him..
or maybe you should show more love to me..make him feel that he is been cared by you a lot..cook for him..walk with him and go for a romantic dinner together and spoke out openly..
2006-09-21 02:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by CuTe GaL.. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋