Right now I am engaged to my cousin whom I haven't seen since almost ten years.He lives in Saudia while I live in Lahore (Pakistan).Recently my mother and my sister did plan this engagement with my approval.It's been four months I am engaged now.I had a good image regarding my fiance when he was 17 years old.But now everything seems getting broken because of the attitude of my fiance.I did speak to him several times during these four months.
During the whole conversation period, I did notice following negative traits is his attitude:-
1) He taunts very often.In every sentence I smell taunting and it hurts me.
2) He is senseless.
3)After every second he says " I love you" and wants me to say the same to him although this is completely an arranged marriage.Please note he has not seen me since ten years and before this engagement he used to call me sister.He has just seen me in pictures.But how come we could fall in love with some one just seeing his/her pictures.
2006-09-20 18:32:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Recently my fiance's real aunt's son had fight with me sister and abused us very badly and threatened us of dire consequences.I told him about the incident but he didn't give much respnse and took it very lightly and asked me not to attend his phone.
I really don't understand him.I have Zero understanding with him.Previoulsy he had an affair with another girl and wanted to marry that girl but his mother didn't let him get married.
If he was in love with that girl then how come he could fall in love with me so easily.When he says these three words, I really get scared.
Yesterday I cried a lot.Everybody in my realtives knows that I am engaged now. Don't know what shoud I do. Please advise and could anybody tell me anything about the mentality of my fiance.
Thanks
2006-09-20 18:38:59 · update #1
From what I understand about arranged marriages is that love comes later. You two need to become friends before you can try to become lovers. Saying "I love you" doesn't mean anything unless you feel it, so don't say it unless you do. How long until you're married? I hope you two have plenty of time to work things out before hand. Will you have a chance to see him before the wedding? I hope you do.
I think the most important thing for you to do is to express to him how you're feeling right now. Tell him that he's hurting your feelings with his taunting. Tell him that you don't know him well enough to love him, but you respect that your family felt that this would be a good union, and love will come after you trust him.
Good luck to you. Stay strong.
2006-09-20 18:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a few problem that you should really consider:
1) If he is related to you, you are inbreeding. Your children are more likely to suffer from genetic diseases and get sick.
2) Pakistani muslims are different from Saudi muslims in attitudes and traits. You may find the culture in Saudia Arabia to be much more strict than you are use to.
3) If you're going to get arranged, then you marriage is less about love and more about convenience, meaning that it's something for your family and livelihood. You should think of finding somebody in India. There is better chances of creating a BETTER LIFE there and it's closer to Pakistan and your family. India's economy is growing at terrific rate and a family you there would be better for income and children's education.
4) I think it's a better idea to marry for love than getting arranged. This is your life and you've got to take control over it or you won't like the outcomes. It's a difference of living happily in love or living with the regret of never marrying someone you love.
4) You seem to be getting a sense that he isn't right for you. If you have doubts you should trust it. You don't want to be
looking back at this 15 years from now with tons of regret!!!
5) I think you will need to find someway to break this arrangement. Preferably have you parents arrange a marriage with someone else, instead.
2006-09-21 01:47:46 · answer #2 · answered by Tristan K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not sound happy, he may genuinely believe he loves you he also has memories of you from 10 years ago and maybe those memories are good. If you do not want to be a part of this marriage to him you must stop it now, don't live with regret the rest of your life. And if you are afraid of him foresure do not marry him. I know in your culture people have arranged marriages but if you have an option tell your parents how you really feel, but do not offend them. I wish you and him all the best.
2006-09-21 01:41:20 · answer #3 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be true to yourself. Why would he after you telling him/asking him about what had happend with your sister basically want to get off the phone? See if you can get to know one another before getting married. Him over for dinner with the fam and all sorts. Try maybe marrying outside the family if he is a cousen.
2006-09-21 01:47:11 · answer #4 · answered by SunRise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he says he loves you because this is an arranged marriage and this is what is expected from him. Sorry but it sounds like the two of you are not in love. And also maybe in your culture it is normal but I think you shoulndt marry someone that is related to you, it can't be good for the genes of your future children. But it sounds like they arranged your marriage and you are problaby stuck , Good luck may the Goddess protect you and bless you
2006-09-21 01:49:23 · answer #5 · answered by Queen Kitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible to get uningaged. I think you are going to be miserable. Tell them you changed your mind and you don't want to be ingaged anymore.
2006-09-21 02:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by lindsay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that he may be worried about your feelings. he does not know how to express himself.
It sounds like a trust issue,
2006-09-21 01:36:39 · answer #7 · answered by Soul-Unleashed 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He thinks he loves you, but he doesn't seem to treat you well. You deserve someone better
2006-09-21 01:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by Sydney 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take them taters.
2006-09-21 01:51:53 · answer #9 · answered by Hasslick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋