This is sorta a dating question b/c the gf and I just talked and she didn't say it exactly, but I think she is terrified to get too close to me b/c of a fear of abandonement (she didn't offer any details, and I didn't ask). Now please don't judge whether this is an accurate assessment or not, but tell me if anyone has dealt with stuff like this and been able to overcome it when it comes to relationships? What kinds of things worked best?
2006-09-20 18:20:39 · 8 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Education & Reference ➔ Trivia
I have the same prob and I used to push people away just to see if they would stay despite hard times, it was totally F'd up. I also would dump totally great guys to avoid being dumped somewhere in the future, again messed up. The worst thing you can do is tell her you wont leave.
The best thing you can do is hang tight if you are willing to see her through the hard times, if not she'll break up with you soon enough.
If you want to stay with her you need to get involved, ask a few questions and test the waters and see how deep the problem is and sometimes just letting her know you see an issue will help her to deal with it.
Ultimately it is her problem and she may not even realize it, I know I didn't until a friend made me check myself. I finally figured why I did certain things and I have been married for 17 years to the same guy. Leaving still bothers me but I can handle it much better now.
2006-09-20 18:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by NotSoTweetOne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was abandoned once as a child. I've had a fear of abandonment ever since. It did have an effect on my relationships. It's a trust issue. The best way to deal with it is good communication on both parts. And you need to keep your appointments or give adequate notification. If you say you are going to call at 8:00, call even if it's to say you can't talk right now get back to you. In time trust will build and things will loosen up.
2006-09-20 18:34:41 · answer #2 · answered by Nora Explora 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time. Just give it time. If it's worth it, work with it. She has issues for a good reason. Try to be sensitive (you may need to look his word up - it's not a 'man' word). And, if it isn't an accurate assessment, maybe you should learn the art of communication and just ASK her what the problem is. If you always have a 'come back' or dis her when she tells you things, you are going the wrong direction.
2006-09-20 18:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by ravin_lunatic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh man i'm the expert on this. My boyfriend and I both have abandonment issues. I pull him closer out of fear of it and he pushes me away out of fear of it. Makes things interesting, that's for sure.
I myself have been in therapy to deal with my fears of abandonment, so that helped me. But most people don't want to get extra help with it. What I do to help my boyfriend be more trusting of me is to be really consistent. I do what I say i'm going to do and I am always within reach for him. I just try to be a good girlfriend without over doing it and trying to let him have space as well. You just have to be wiling to take your time and let things happen naturally. Don't be pushy and try to ask questions gently so you can treat her the best you can for the situation.
Some behavior you might be seeing are deliberate attempts by her to push you away, by being nasty to you for no reason. I know my boyfriend acts mean like every 3 months because he is getting upset with us getting closer. It passes though and I try to ignore it. We've been together over 9 months and I still can't get him to say that he loves me back when I say it to him.
But anyhow, good luck. Hope this helps.
2006-09-20 18:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my ex-girl friend. She put our relationship on hold while she worked out some very personal issues. I told her I would be monogamous and be there for her. While I was on hold, giving her space, but sending love messages, presents, etc. she was dating another guy. I didn't find out until one of her friends told me she'd been dating for months, our relationship had ended, for me to move-on! Hurt and shocked! My ex couldn't even tell me that! Abandon?
2006-09-20 18:52:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you will just have to demonstrate to her by your actions over time that you aren't going anywhere. Lots of emotional support. I wish you luck in this relationship should you choose to pursue it.
2006-09-20 21:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your in a relationship or trying to work on a relationship be up front and seek counseling togeather.
2006-09-20 18:28:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i haven't but good luck.
2006-09-20 20:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by codylynn_03 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋