my family has suffered a great loss , my 33 year brother in law
lost his battle with diabetis , and a heart attack , the same time , but now I feel trully guilty, for not doing more for him , I mean we were like brother and sister, we watched out for one another,
but my husband who is his older brother was not so nice to him
and sometimes I blame myself , for not defending him enough
and the hardest part of all , he lived with us and I feel like I didnt do enough, when does this feeling of blame go away???
2006-09-20 18:08:28 · 11 answers · asked by E.M. 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The feeling of blame goes away when you go through through the grieving process. And come to acceptance...You had no part in his death...and during his life you gave him the greatest gift you could have given him...the gift of friendship. Thank God that you were able to offere him that because we can be sure that that brought him comfort and hope. Your husband must deal himself, with his relationship with his brother..that is not nor has it ever been your responsibility....you can only account for your relationship with him and be glad for the kindnesses you showed him.
2006-09-21 04:53:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only natural to feel this way when suffering the loss of a loved one. Don't be consumed by guilt. It doesn't help anything and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel this way.
Everything that's done, is done. It does no good to look backwards at what you coulda done or shoulda done. It may sound weird to you now, but try to find a positive in every negative situation. Think about the good times you shared and the way he touched the lives of others.
Take comfort in the fact that he's no longer suffering with his condition and he's gone to a better place.
My condolences to you and your family.
2006-09-20 18:18:02 · answer #2 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, hon...I am so sorry for your loss. :( Please don't blame yourself for his death...it sounds like you loved him and cared about him a great deal while he was alive, and I'm sure that meant a lot to him.
I think that, when people die (especially at young ages), many of us are left wondering, "What could I have done better? How could I have prevented this?" Feelings of guilt, self-blame, and self-doubt are definitely normal after the loss of someone you love. Please give yourself time to grieve, but know that his death was not your fault. No amount of love and kindness could have stopped his diabetes and heart attack from occurring.
My prayers are with you....
2006-09-20 18:17:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go-he's gone. If you truly want to do something to make ammends, then go out and find someone to be nice to-a senior in a home, or a puppy who needs a new home-and do a good deed in your brother in laws name. Hanging on to useless guilt isn't very productive and won't make a difference to anyone-doing a good deed will help you and the person who is the recipient of the good deed.
2006-09-20 18:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by hoodoowoman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you allow it to go away it will. You didn't give him diabetis or a heart attack, so why are you blaming yourself? Let him rest in peace knowing you did care for him.
2006-09-20 18:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by Teacher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are five steps to grieving. In time you will feel the pain less and less and the guilt will fade. Just keep his memory going and continue to talk about his positive traits and help your husband grieve too! I am sorry for your loss.
2006-09-20 18:12:57 · answer #6 · answered by valerie b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your brother in law was lucky to have you in his life. many people would not have taken the time for an in law. You cant blame yourself for what happened,you did your best to comfort him while he was alive. Now you have to honor his memory by living your life to the fullest.
2006-09-20 18:14:23 · answer #7 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk. What more could you have done for him? Made his last days brighter? Life sucks a lot. Stuff happens. People die. It is a morbid world, ya gotta live on. Talk to someone, holding it in isn't good.
2006-09-20 18:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Kamikaze 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life goes on, you really need to get over it and can not look back at what was done. I bet he would want you to be happy. Bad things were done in the past but you need to get over that and move on with your life. I does not seem that you were so bad to him but you husband was. Do not feel bad on his part, only he should feel bad.
2006-09-20 18:10:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
in time.
2006-09-20 18:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by dmncprkr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋