We had a dysfunctional-marriage (is that redundant) for 16-years! She met a guy and cheated on me. Then we divorced. She called me a month ago crying about the marriage and apologizing for what she did. She asked me if we could get back together again. This was the second time that I caught her cheating. I have no intentions of getting back with her but what I want to know is why would she call me to say those things? What could possibly be going on in her mind?
2006-09-20 17:35:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am definitely not a psychologist, so mine is based on my observations of friends and family’s experiences… I think you wife fell victim to “grass is greener” idea.
A couple of reasons why this occurred:
1) She wants you because of the stability, but wants a guy to “thrill” her and make her feel something like when we’re “young and dumb and dating”. (I assuming she’s in her 30’s now (16 years marriage) so she should know better). In this case, I don’t think she’s in love with the other guy, just wants to sew wild oats and be carefree again. She may want you back because of “with age comes wisdom” and you are working to provide food, clothing and shelter for your family. Or, (sicker) she might be coming back because the guys “Wham, bam thank-you ma’am” and only show her the flashy clothes/money/whatever but don’t intend on her getting any of it.
2nd way) (Doubtful, but I’ve seen it… One of my wife’s friends is living it.) if she was in an abusive relationship with you, then she wants someone that “appreciates” her / doesn’t hurt her/ whatever and wants kind of a Prince Charming story to sweep her off her feet. Then, she realizes Prince Charming is not interested in her heart but getting into her pants. Then she wants to come back to where at least she knows, good or bad, where she stands.
Assuming y’all (oops, Southern Dialect) are in the first case, then I would say do a search for “Double Your Dating” by David DeAngelo, or at least subscribe to his free email. He basically helps guys develop or re-build the Cocky and Funny personality that most women are looking for. If you decide to stay with her, then I would suggest be more lively with her. Be spontaneous.
I would have to think long and hard about taking her back a second time. (You didn’t say if it was one guy or 2 different guys, but whichever). If you do, then I would definitely require that she go see a marriage counselor with you, preferably a Christian marriage counselor (ask your preacher where to find one). Not that there smarter or anything, but may provide a different viewpoint.
Course you could always tell her to go read a smut novel and quit trying to live out fantasies.
My empathy,
CC
2006-09-20 18:21:56 · answer #1 · answered by captn_carrot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she need u for a plce to stay or is having a hard time financially without u? If not then she probably realize she made a mistake and lost 16 years now starting over on own as a somewhat older woman- especially if guy she cheated with is no longer interested. Maybe the thought of you going on with your life and being happy without her is too much for her. Maybe she tried dating and realized that other men not as good as u or maybe shes just used to u and your guys life after all those years and is scared or unsure of her future. Maybe is confused and still loves u whatever she thinks love is after all the cheating Just think if u never caught her she would still be doing it maybe and probably will again if u took her back. Good luck in finding a healthier relationship
2006-09-21 00:50:59 · answer #2 · answered by valjean - HI MOM!! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is unhappy and probably kicking herself for cheating on you. However, the reason why ex's usually want their ex spouse's back is due to the fear of finding someone new. She knows you and in a way she assumes you still love her. I have no idea what possesses people to cheat, but she must have been unhappy then. I would remind her of the problems in your marriage before and wish her well. You would be smart not to waste your time with her. She will only do it again. Good luck.
2006-09-21 11:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing..... don't give into tears and subject yourself to another round of cheating and dysfunctional relationship. Exs are exs for a reason. She had her changes and screwed it up. You owe her nothing. Move on and move ahead.
Good Luck!!
2006-09-21 00:55:33 · answer #4 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Selfish woman.
She's probably lonely, bored, frustrated, in financial trouble, or otherwise unhappy in her life. So she's thinking that getting back with you will solve her problems or make things easier. She's not remembering the bad times or the reasons you two split. All she is thinking about is the good times, and how great things used to be. Consciously or sub-consciously, she's trying to use you. Getting back in your life will make things better for her, not a thought there about being a "couple" or how it will affect you. It's all about her.
Glad you ditched her and aren't even considering taking her back. She's not worth it.
2006-09-21 00:43:36 · answer #5 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be careful. Sometimes, when people aren't feeling like theirselves, they don't act like themself either. So what she is saying now, may not be the whole truth. It could be that she had a bad day and is feeling lonely. Talk about the future of your relationship with her in person. Make sure that how she feels is really how she feels.
Good Luck!
2006-09-21 00:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by ineedanswers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was she drinking lol i use to get messed up and call my ex husband that i did not want or want anything to do with and cry make him tell me he still loved me with his gf there i had to know that i still came first but it was basically because i was unhappy with my own life i met someone i truly love and no longer behave like that
2006-09-21 00:48:30 · answer #7 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is sorry; maybe she is drunk? Maybe her life didn't work out as planned and she thinks picking up with you is a start to getting back on track? Maybe there are children involved she's thinking about? If you have no intentions of getting back with her, why do you care?
2006-09-21 00:41:57 · answer #8 · answered by christhescribe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is just probably lonely and depressed and lokking toward the person she feels closest to. she regrets what she done , but do be cautious because most people when they start to get happy will doit again. make her understand that you are her ex not her counselor and sounds like that is what she is needing right now not comfort or pitty just counseling refer her to someone that way you can at least say you tried to help her.
2006-09-21 10:06:38 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what going is that she realized that the one she cheated with isn't what all cracked up to be and in result she scared of being alone so she trying to built that safe nest she once had. Good luck
2006-09-21 00:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by randrnorman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋