Two weeks ago we went out to a bar and I met this guy who also has a boyfriend. Anyway, we got to chatting and he got my phone number. The next day when he called my boyfriend answered the phone and gave him the third degree before letting me talk to the guy. We talked for a while and that was it. He called the other day and wanted to hang out and, as my BF works out of town five days a week and I have no one to hang out with but my roommate, he came over and he and my roommate and I watched a movie. My BF called not long ago and I told him the guy was over and he totally flipped out, saying he didn't like the guy (the only time they talked was that one time on the phone) and how it was his place and he didn't want to have him over there. I calmly resigned myself to his side and let him hang up on me. Should I resign myself to not making any other friends? I'm not attracted to this guy and I do feel my BF is a little out of line.
2006-09-20 16:45:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
To be honest, this guy I met does have feelings for me, but I don't have feelings for me (not my type and it would be way too complicated anyway). I DO blame myself for wanting to have someone around that at least likes being with me, but not sexual or intimate, just to hang out (I have that when my BF is in town, but sometimes it's boring on the weekdays).
2006-09-20 16:54:40 · update #1
Whoops, I don't have feelings for HIM, not ME (have anothe glass of wine, Sean).
2006-09-20 16:55:22 · update #2
letting a guy who is keen on you spend time with you is not the same as hanging out with your friends.
2006-09-20 17:57:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, have you ever given him a reason to act that way? If not, then he is not a little out of line, he is so far out of line that you need to explain to him that if he does not allow yo uto have platonic friends, then you need to kick him to the curb.
The key here is to have open communication on the subject. Explain to him that you are bored while he is out of town and jsut want some friends to hang out with and talk to. It seems that he is somewhat insecure about the relationship, but don't bring that up quite like that. Ask him why he doesn;t like youtalking to people, let him tell you what his reasons are. If you can not work this out, then maybe it is time for both of you to find other people to be wiht. My partner and I went through that when we first got together, he did not like me talking to people wen he wasn;t around, but i sat down and told him that i am a social perosn and that he needed to learn to trust me because I wasn;t going anywhere or doing anything that i shouldn't. Things are better now and we even have nights where we go out on our own without any problems. It is all aobut the comunication.
2006-09-20 23:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by mresl2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel he is definitely out of line. Firstly, if you told him nothing was going on then nothing is going on. Seems to me he has some trust issues and some stuff he needs to resolve within himself. Secondly, if your in need of a friend and thats ALL this guy is I say why not? Dont let your bf control or manipulate you into having the type of friends he wants you to have, thats not fair to you. If you have a FRIENDLY relationship with this guy then you have the right to pick who you want as friends, you surely picked your own bf, right? Good luck !
2006-09-20 23:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by c_jayo6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it was obvious that that guy likes you, but he knows that you have a boy friend and you know that he does. Now the questions here is whether HIS boy friend knows you guys where hanging out together. If he didn't tell him, then your BF has a fair point by being worried: if this guy's willing to pull the trick on his BF, you could do the same to him.
2006-09-21 00:47:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
friendships outside of realtionships is very healthy for a relationship. it keeps you from feeling smothered. if that is the way he reacts when you make a new friend - thats not healthy. he's either insecure or trying to control you. talk to him about it, in a mature adult conversation. if that doesnt work it may be for the bset that you break it off - if the way things keep going you may end up a prisoner in the realtionship. Just hope that the next thrid-degree he gives doent involve physical means.
2006-09-21 12:20:51 · answer #5 · answered by ajm_jr_2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing kills a relationship more than jealousy. I guess you have to decide if your b/f's insecurity is worth putting up with. Unless he is willing to admit to it and do something about it, then you are resigned to not making any other friends.
The question always is, are you better off with him or without him.
2006-09-20 23:51:59 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, read Jose F's and tom K's posting...
you don't need jealous people as that does not define a real relationship, and no matter the nature or status /extend of this new friendship...or more, open honest talkin beats all every time, and maybe bf will come around!
ps.... WON'T U B MY NEIGHBOR!!!
2006-09-21 06:43:56 · answer #7 · answered by josh v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would trip out too if I was your boyfriend. You already said the guy wants you. Then you said you like him cause he wants to be around you. That could lead to something. Inviting someone over who wants you and spending time with someone who wants to jump your bones (even if you don't like him) Is just pushing your boyfriends buttons.
2006-09-21 06:20:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude.. simple one....all it takes in any relation ship Is COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION....
don't just agree for sake of peace.... calmly suggest that you'd love and need to talk a few minutes re subject...
then calmly follow thru... you should easily come to understanding and jealously based on lack of talking will be gone.
if not, and your friend has no compromise, the relationship isn't as firm as you'd like.
Good luck
2006-09-21 04:55:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is trying to control you. You need to develope your own friendships outside of your relationship. If you feel that he was out of line then he was. I support this conclusion based on what you have written. Follow your instincts about what is appropiate for you.
2006-09-20 23:51:08 · answer #10 · answered by C. B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋