Should I try to move on?

Question

Okay, I've had problems with my mom for so many years. We did nothing but argue and she did nothing but abuse me and I did nothing to her. She accused my father of sexually assaulting me. Which is not true, I swear on her grave. She always made excuses for me not to see him. How evil. She was heavily medicated and sick-minded. I know she is my mother but I can't forget what she did. I will forgive her but I don't have to talk to her. She and my dad divorced, after three years, I finally get the right to live with my dad. If I were to have children, should I involve them in their lives or keep her away from them?She may turn them against me for I all know. I'm 16!

I understand she is sick but I'm afraid that one day she might try to kidnap me. It's natural for everyone to worry, right?

I think about the future. I want to forget my past. I don't want her to hurt others the way she hurted me. I doubt she can but still, she is purely obsessed with evil and hatred and anger!

I know I shouldnt worry about kids right now but I don't care. I shouldnt let kids go through what I went through. I want to help someone who is less fortanute then me ...

Answer 1

Well... it sounds like she was trying to protect you from someone who (she thought at least) was abusing you. It doesn't sound like she was doing this to be malicious, so she must care about you. Maybe sometime away, will be just what you need. Then try again.

Answer 2

My mom was similar -- she was drunk a lot and did some things I will never forget but hate to remember. She accused my dad of sexually abusing my sister which never happened. However I am mother now and a grown woman which made me understand a little about things women go through in different circumstances. It is not easy to forget but you have to find a peace. After I had my son (and since then two more daughters) I also went through a cheating husband all things that made me realize that maybe there were heavy things in her life that made her reach for the alcohol that often turned her into a monster. I can assure you now she is my best friend. To see her with my kids you would never know the things I seen growing up. She was present at everybirth and would give me or them her last dime if needed. I think you mom probably harbors a lot of guilt of her own for some of her deeds. You have to do what you know is right in the matter of a family and keep them connected. It is hard to judge someone who is at a different place in life where you have not yet been. She will change and so will you. I wouldn't have believed this when I was 16 either but time has a way of changing things and as much as you deal with your demons she will have to deal with hers. Don't count her out of the chance to prove to you even if it is through your future children how much she really does love you and how good of a person she can probably be.

Answer 3

I can understand what you have gone through with your mother. Hey, she is your mother and she will always be your mother no matter what.
Don't you ever give up on her, she has her health problem so many times what she said to you were due to medications and not at the right state of mind. Besides she had been through an unpleasant marriage.
Ignore what she said and never let it upset you. Ofcouse it would take a lot of patience in you. You need to always believe that she loves you very much.
Remember, the love of mother is a true love and it is so precious. She needs your love. You need to be strong and make time to visit her more often and show her your love in her.
Every night before going to bed say a pray for her to get well.
This is the greatest love that any mother would like to have it from her daughter.

Answer 4

It's much too early for you to worry about making that decision! Who knows where she will be, by the time you have kids of your own.

It does sound, though, as if she is mentally disturbed. She probably can't help the way she behaves towards you, or towards your father, but that doesn't mean you should let it drag you down. Be good to yourself. If the only way to do that, is to cut her off entirely, then do it. You deserve a break from all that negativity.

Maybe in a few years, when you are grown up, you will feel like giving her another chance - but if I were you, I'd try to put it out of your mind until then.

Answer 5

I would suggest counseling before you get involve with anyone and have a serious relationship. Healing is best for you! If your mother does not want to change, then you cannot force her to change. You can tell me the problems because I am a great listener. You have to work on yourself before you can think about bringing children into the world. There are a lot of people that love you including God.

Answer 6

Christina,
Yes, move on.
You do not owe your mother anything. Life does not always give us good parents nor do we have any choice in who are parents are.
Your mother has to work through her own problems and issues.
They are her problems not yours.
You have to make a happy life for yourself now.
Maybe in the future your mother will change but she may not.
What matters most is you and your own future.
Ask God or who ever you believe to be a higher power to guide you when you need it.
Because it is really true that when you ask for something you wil recieve it.
I wish you the best happiness with your Dad.

Answer 7

For one thing, you are 16 and talking about your children which you do not have? NO, you need to concentrate on the here and the now. There is no harm in forgiving her, however, if you continue to visit her she will more than likely make you regret it. Be happy and think about your own life, you are young and have a lot of planning to do for your future.

Answer 8

I would wait until you're older and have those children. You can decide then. You say your mother was heavily medicated and sick-minded. Is there a chance she didn't realize what she was doing? And you say "their lives". I assume you're not on good terms with your father either. All I can tell you is to wait. Hopefully, things will get better when you're older. I hope they do. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think you need to settle in with your Dad and live a life of a 16 year old girl. The medication may have had alot to do with her actions. Give it time and try to keep your relationship with her open. Good luck in the rest of your life.

Answer 10

The last thing you should be concerned about are children. Get a good education and prepare for your adulthood. Living is expensive. As for your relationship, you cannot change her. If it best for your life that you are distant, then it should be that way. However, if you do see her, keep your guard up. Like I said, she likely won't change. If she does, you will certainly know. When you do have children, make sure not to treat them as you were treated.

Answer 11

well moms do sometimes make the wrong mistakes with their kids. but i bet you that your mother dose care about you. maybe after a while she will relize that she did wrong. but one thing is for sure.. you have to forget the past and live for today. when the time comes and you want to have kids .. just take a second and think about how things are going. life is tuff but iam sure your a strong person. i hope i have helped you some.