If my fiance doesn't stand up for his mother against his abusive father, do you think he'll stand up for me?

Question

My fiance's parents are going through a really nasty divorce. Actually they are already divorced and are in the process of selling their house. My father-in-law is very violent and abusive. He follows my mother-in-law from work to home(she lives with us), he is constantly calling and harrassing her, and told us he is going to kill her and himself. He hasn't worked in 15 years, and she has worked 12 hours days for 15 years to make the house payments, now the house is in the process of closing and he says that he is not going to give her any of the money. He tells her that he will give her $10,000 if she sleeps with him everyday until the money comes. She told him to keep his money and that she is worth way more than $10,000. Meanwhile he still steals her atm card and gambles away her money. I keep telling her she needs to get a restraing order and go see a lawyer, but she is extremly afraid for her life. Just a couple weeks ago he hit in the face for not having sex with him. Meanwhile

my fiance and his older sister aren't doing anything about it. Everybody is so scared of him that they just sick back and take, and I keep trying to tell them that, that is why he is still doing these things. His dad seriously has mental issues, he thinks he has done nothing wrong when he has physically, emotionally, and mentally beat them their whole lives. I keep trying to tell them that they have to put their foot down or their mom will end up dead. Not only that but it is seriously making me think twice about our relationship cause if he wont stick up for his own mother, can I trust that he will protect me? He is nothing like his father, he's never even raised his voice to me, but I can't stand that he lets is dad do these things to him, his sister, and his mother. Thankfully there are no kids involved, my fiance is 28 and his sister is 30. But I just feel at a total loss, I am so scared for this woman, and she wont do anything cause she is so scared too. I contacted the local

sherrifs department and there is nothing I can do, she is the only one that can do it. I can stand up for myself and I have been doing just that, I am actually moving out partly because of this situation and to take a new job in Nevada, my finace is suppose to meet there in a few months after the house is completly sold and his mother is situated, so I guess only time will tell what will happen. I will just feel so bad if this woman dies and I didn't do anything about it.

my father in law only hits her when others aren't around, but shouldn't her son still do something?

Thank you for all the advice, I agree with you in one way or another. I think I have convinced her to go get a restraining order. Please pray for us. I still have yet to convince her to fight for the money from her house.

Answer 1

i don't think he will ... he may become like his dad

Answer 2

Unless you have lived through something like this yourself you will never understand it. I too lived with an abusive father. There was 6 of us and all of us were terrified of our father, even through adult hood. He was violent and abusive to our mom for over 35 years. This was during the time when restraining orders for beating your wife were none existent. I understand how you feel but I also understand your husband. All the terrifying memories of the abuse come back to him and make him freeze, (so to speak) His mother really needs to get a restraining order put on him. Like you said no one else can do it. I know she must be so afraid, but it's the only thing that she can do at this point. I think also that your husband probably doesn't get involved because he is afraid of what he "might" do to his father if he does.

Answer 3

this is just sad all around. My mom is with a abusive drunk when i was 26 my brother was 18 we BOTH beat him down in moms drive way for hitting her. They are still together he never got out of line after that. Any grown man who lets mom be abused has issues. I've seen small children stand up 4 their mom when mom and dad fight. As for him stealing from her she can CALL the cops scared or not scared she's ALLOWING it to keep going on YOU ARE RIGHT as long as he's allowed he'll keep abusing her could even kill her. I WOULD NOT stay with a man who watched anyone hurt their MOTHER.

Answer 4

now im gonna tell u what u need 2 hear so if u get mad i apologize. i say your husband is a coward and his sister is pathetic. if what u r sayin is true they dont deserve 2 have a mother. c our parents care 4 us in our beginnings. they defend us, support us, care 4 us so we can someday do the same 4 our kids. now sometimes it comes around that we need 2 return the favor to our parents.in this case your fiance needs 2 man-up w.o askin any [?'s} and kick-off in that dudes freakin tail. as a matter of fact i dont even know yall and if i seen it i would do it 4 her. why would u allow your mother 2 b mistreated like that. have u said anything 2 your fiance about it. i mean if he cant manup in this situation do u really think he can 4 u? u r askin a good [?] thst u need the answer 2.
i would have 2 tell him he needs 2 do somethin' about it. his mother could actually get killed by this pathetic excuse for a man. that would b sad. i say take action yourself. if u can get video and go 2 police that would help.keep me in the loop. id like 2 know that it is resolved. im easily contacted here on answers or my 360.
thanx-a-million
supernate

Answer 5

Laws differ from state to state but you should be able to get an exparte against him coming to your house.Your fiance will more than likely not do anything ever for his mother for the simple fact his father intimidates him and probaly always did.Your mother in law to be should check into a safe house or something also.

Answer 6

Please be careful. He is a dangerous man. I have been in abusive situations all my life (I am 56). I have just resently learned how to get out of these situations and stay out of them. First of all she need to get a restraining order on him. And to answer your question. No your fiance will not stand up for you. He may also be like his father. watch out for the red flags. I wish you all the best. May the Lord watch over you

Answer 7

I doubt very much that he will stand up for you. Men have a way of acting a lot like their fathers acted. This scenario doesn't look promising to me.

Answer 8

Why don't you call the Police on him????!!! This Lady needs help... good lord she really needs someone to stand by her side...
If your fiance doesn't do anything to help his own Mother then he's not gonna do anything to help you IF you ever need help....
He needs counseling bad and so does his Mother

Answer 9

I would be more concerned about how your fiance is going to treat you. This type of behavior is normally a learned trait. And no....he isn't going to stand up for you if he will not stand up for his mom.

Answer 10

This is between the two of them. He can only stand up for her to a certain point.

Maybe he learned growing up with them that his interference just makes things worse.

You don't marry someone because they'll stand up for you....you should learn to stand up for yourself .....that's what his mother needs to do.

Answer 11

stand up for yourself and your m-i-l.don't ever expect a man to stand up for you,it is a waste of time. call the cops, if what you are saying is true.