My girlfriend and I are on the brink. We have both been through hell lately and I am at a loss for answers. She broke up with another man last spring and then we started dating. We now live together and the old boyfriend is now trying to break us up. He did some pretty nasty things to her including jepardizing her having custody of her children. I can't help but to have ill feeling towards him. She is now so messed up over him because he is a person who can say just the right things. By the way, he is also married....My relationship with her has been so incredible up until now. We have so many things in common. We shared love like neither of us had had before. I want her back and to get him out of our lives. As long as he continues to harass us she will always be messed up emotionally.
2006-09-20 15:40:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
SHe has to figure it out for herself. and unfortunately you get the job of tryin to keep ya'll intact while she does.I know where she's at unfortunately. I just had the same happen here. He was married ( told me he was divorced) we were together over two years, lived together everything. His wife just had a baby in may. THrough the whole two years he would always have an explaination for every slip etc. He also had even more girls on the side besides me. Right now she is torn by what the right thing is to do. What she knows is right, what she knows is wrong. But he has that hold and its really hard to break. I had my support team actually move in to make sure I didnt slip back to him this last time. ANd it took all six of them. But they made sure I didnt talk to him or anything and it took me about three months to totally let it go and start looking at him as the huge player he was. Stand by her. She'll figure it out, I hope. Have her email me, Ill help her realize hes nothing but continued heartache and confusion. Like I said it took alot of people to help me break the bond. I am so much happier now. No more tears and self doubt. Just lots of smiles for the first time in a long time.
2006-09-20 15:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by rwdycwgrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/JzqIQ
Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.
2016-07-19 00:45:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say why y'all broke up. However, your relationship with her can never grow until she wakes the hell up and realize that all she is to the other (married man) is a F*CK BUDDY. You also didn't say if the married man was her children's father. So give her a choice you or the dead end relationship with a married man, then make her stick by the choice. Or just find another woman because you sound like the rebound guy, she doing to you what he is doing to her. However, if the sex is good and you don't want a deeper relationship .... Shut up and keep stroking.
I just read some of the women's remarks. Don't Ever marry a woman who can't make up her mind who she wants to be with. If you do you will have a cheating Wife instead of a cheating Girlfriend.
2006-09-20 15:54:11 · answer #3 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, You may or may not like what I am about to say.
First off if he is harassing her, get a restraining order, Second off,
If she will break up with you because of him, then she really isn't worth it, I know you have strong feelings, and may not like me saying that but it's the truth. He is a married man, she should realize this, if he wants to ruin someone elses life so bad inform his wife and his own will be ruined, maybe then he will be content.
I understand why she could be messed up over this, but just be there for her, help her through it, it is all you can do right now. He will quit eventually, and if he doesn't the authorities can be brought into this.
2006-09-20 15:52:15 · answer #4 · answered by Idiotman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You got a tough situation due to the fact that he plays her emotions. Time to step back and let her fly. She remembers the nasty things he did and this will always be a shadow on the "right things" he says. Reality is, he's making her think she has a choice. And she does, even when he isn't in the picture. See if you can ride this out without contributing your two cents as your two cents will cause her to feel she has to defend herself and him. If you can deal, then she really does have a choice. If not, she loses.
2006-09-20 15:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That is a difficult situation.
Well, you could tell her how you feel about her, how much you love her, why you love her and what future you envision for the two of you. No need to mention this other man, or be negative about him, make it about you two.
Once you tell her what you would like to see happen in the future (marriage, committed relationship, more kids, whatever). Ask her to think about what her vision is for the two of you for the future. Tell her she doesn't have to answer immediately, after all you have been thinking about this and would like her to have the same opportunity to think about it before you two sit down to talk.
That is one way to help her think about the future, what she might want and it lets her know clearly how you feel about her. After she has had a chance to think (a day or two) and you two talk about it, if she wants to be with you than you two can discuss changes that need to be made to achieve the vision you both have for the future.
Good luck!
2006-09-20 15:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be shacking up with her if she has kids...they have enough to deal with without you two presenting that kind of a relationship. If you really care, quite playing house and marry her. If you don't ......move on. You if care enough to shack up you ought to care enough to get married...at least as man and wife if he is harassing her you can bring charges yourself. There is such a thing as a harassment order, its similar to a restraining order but its more of an agreement, the judge calls it a be nice order...might want to look into that.
You know what? I just reread that....ask her to marry you, then you have a united front in which to deal with him. Just elope, do you know how shocked he will be when he finds out?
2006-09-20 15:49:03 · answer #7 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her on a mini vacation to get her mind off of things. A nice long talk would help. Add a lot of "I appreciate that you..." and "I care about..." so she knows how important she is to you and how YOU feel about the situtation. Make sure she realizes that he is jeopardizing the relationship and all you want is for you two to be happy. Communication is the key.
Good luck!
2006-09-20 15:45:14 · answer #8 · answered by Julie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are u married? because u mentioned that "he is also married" well, give ur gf a time to decide. whatever will be her decision, accept it. if both of u are really meant for each other, no matter what happens, both of u will still end up together. do the best u can to win her back.. most especially, pray.. if it's GOD's will, so be it.. GOD Bless!
2006-09-20 15:57:35 · answer #9 · answered by ok 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/9Ppvf
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
2016-04-28 13:31:53 · answer #10 · answered by ermelinda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋