I would like some question's answered because I feel I never had a chance to find any closure. I am not trying to cause any problems I just need to know the truth.
2006-09-20 14:52:22 · 28 answers · asked by vickie g 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not trying to open any wounds up. I am not looking for a relationship with him now. I just want to know from him the darn truth. And yes it may hurt, but I am a big girl and that is the risk I am willing to take. I really am not interested in what she may think, she never thought for one minute to give my marraige a chance. Did you ever hear when you love someone so much you are willing to let them go hoping one day they will come back. I am very sorry if none of you think this is fair to her. But how would any of you feel if your husband left telling you he needed to be alone for a while. And never really told you why, And then called you up on the phone 8 wks later telling you he filed for a divorce only he was crying telling you he was sorry and that it was not your fault it was all his. He never meant to hurt me.
2006-09-22 16:02:42 · update #1
Yes it would be wrong. What would his wife think. Have some respect lady and move on.
2006-09-20 14:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by devinshell 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, sending a letter is a little too much, esp. since you haven't seen or spoken to him in so long. Why re-open healed wounds? It's obvious that you're not over it, but he has moved on and u need to do the same. Asking him questions about something that happened over 13 years ago is not going to make you feel any better no matter what the answer is, because the conclusion will still be the same.......u 2 r no longer married.
Ok, but when u think about it, do u really think that this will bring closure? If he wasn't willing to tell u then what makes u think that he will tell u now??? I know you feel that u can take it, and u probably can, but isn't obvious???? If any man or woman, leaves the other without any explaination at all, then ends up married later, usually means that they left u for someone eles....u said it yourself, "she never thought to give my marriage a chance", so it seems as if u already know that she was the other woman and sorry to say but he made his choice
2006-09-20 22:00:23 · answer #2 · answered by KryBaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whats the point, it doesnt matter now. maybe you should have dont this maybe i dont know 12 years ago or before he got married, he put you out of his life and it will sure stir things up. yes you say you dont want to cause problems but guess what, it will.you think you are going to step into this guys life after 13 years and expect his wife to be ok with this. how would you feel if this happened to you, if you hubby got a call from his ex, and just wanted closer, what would you do with the letter, would you show it to him or would you let him write back. think about it. i mean, in one letter you will ask all these questions and then you expect him to write back answering all these questions.after he does that you will have more questions, then what more letters, and then it will end in some sort of wicked affair. i say you let it go.let it go!!!! if you need closer then you have problems, you have been dwelling on this for 13 years , get over it and move on, he has why cant you.
2006-09-20 22:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by Christina 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Before you write a letter to him ask yourself a few questions.
Why do you need to contact him after all this time? You have survived 13 years without knowing all of the information. Why is it necessary to find out right now?
What will you gain from contacting him? If you think it will put ghosts to rest you are wrong. It will only bring more frustration and more questions.
How do you expect him to react? He will never react the way you imagine him reacting. Nothing works out the way we dream it will. He may or may not answer the questions and you may end up feeling more confused.
Why do you think you need to find the truth from him? You were there for the divorce. You already know enough of the truth. What is done is done. There is nothing to be gained from opening up old wounds to see what is inside them.
Please believe me when I say that you are better off leaving things as they are. You need to move forward with your life - not go back to the past.
2006-09-20 22:04:32 · answer #4 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope let it go.. no good could come out of this especially if he's remarried, no need to damage her life because ur x husband is an idiot.. if he wasnt married, id say ok, but dont screw up her chances of happiness because he was an idiot to u.. she is an innocent by stander in this.. and it will ultimately just cause her problems cause she wont understand why his past is suddenly comeing back to affect her life.. .. The truth is, he was a jerk, he was immature and didnt know how to live by his marriage vows nor how to be a good husband.. theres nothing u could of done to change that, for he was and possibly still is, a little boy trapped in a mans body.. i know it sux and i know it hurts as i had the same questions.. but u just need to let go he doesnt deserve the energy ur putting into in wondering what went wrong, and why he did the things he did.. He was the one with the problems not you and u should feel lucky that an immature little boy didnt waste more of your life then he did.. your dwelling in the past and u need to stop it only is holding u back from a happy future that ur to busy in the past to see ..
2006-09-20 22:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. You do NOT want to put that stress on his marriage too.
While closure is great, what will knowing the truth do to you? Will it make you feel better to know that he did cheat? Will it change your opinion of him?
He's married. You haven't spoken with him for over a decade, and now you want to close your wounds? Sending him a letter asking him questions isn't going to do anything--they will open more wounds for you AND cause strain in his marriage.
Leave it alone. Leave him alone. Get on with your life. Go on a cruise!
2006-09-20 22:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel,,I am in the same boat with my ex,,I have written many letters over the years but I have never mailed them,,,I don't think in the long run that doing it would really help,,, all it would do is open up old wounds,,,let it go and just live your life for you
2006-09-20 22:05:10 · answer #7 · answered by too shy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. It will cause a problem whether you intend it to or not. If his wife sees it, she will feel like you want him back. You may have to accept the fact that you may never know the truth, and it might be for the best.
2006-09-20 21:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by T J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It a bad idea. It will only stir up his life which it seems he got on with. Get over it. You have not seen this guy in 13 years and do not have closure? What the hell have you been doing? I can see why he left. Just a bit obsessive are we?
2006-09-20 21:57:48 · answer #9 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn 't send the letter: after 13-years, you should work on letting go of the relationship and learn how to live your life as happily as you can. Nothing he will tell you will make you happpier - only you have the power to do so.
2006-09-20 22:08:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
13 yrs is a very long time. you should have asked why earlier. he might not be willing to tell you why. though i don't really see the point why you have to ask. you have been able to survive all these years without knowing.
you maybe right that you don't mean any harm. but i bet that's not what the wife will think. i would suggest you don't pursue your plans anymore.
2006-09-20 22:09:02 · answer #11 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋