5 year old and new baby...feeling overwhelmed...?

Question

I feel like I have to be super mom. Like I can't take help from any one because I feel like they are trying to take over. Such as grandparents. I don't want my hubby to get up with baby at night because I am worried he won't do it right or hell fall asleep. So I am up 4 time a night and then have to get up to get my five year old off to school. I have to walk her to school. Then I feel ok to do what i need to do while shes at school...such as sleep. But then I ask my mom to pick her up because i don't want to take baby out in cold. And then my mom will help me with her for a while. But I still feell ike I am not doing a good job. Like I am not spending enough time with my five year old. I know that i am but i still feel like im not. Then I feel bad for it. I find myself rushing her into her bedtime routine because I am tired or not feeling well and just want a break. I am just feeling overwhelmed. Like I am being pulled ten differnt ways. Any one have some advice.

I also go to school one day a week and feel terrible for having to leavey my new baby...who is only going to be 10 days old on my first day...at home with my mom. I feel like I should be here to take care of her...even though it is only one day for 8 hours.

I feel like I am not doing a good enough job. I am tired and run down. I have to take care of baby and I need to take care of five year old. Who just started Kindergarten.

It also seems like since baby born and moms been here the five year old has been getting more of an attitude and acting up more.

Then my mom trys to step up too much and trys to disipline her and then I get mad because she is overstepping the line. Then I have to deal with the after effects and take care of baby.

Answer 1

Take your time, try not to rush, and remember to enjoy your children. As a mother to 3 children who are 7,5 and just turned 2 I understand your feelings. When my baby was born they were all 5 and under! I would make sure you alot your daughter 15 to 20 minutes after school for a game or cooking or something that is for her. Then again at bed time. At bed time make sure she gets her story and sometimes an extra will not hurt. I stagger my kids bed times by 15 minutes each so they each get their turn. One brushes and puts on pj's while the other gets her story and mommy minutes.
I felt guilty when I gave birth to my second. I felt like I ruined my oldest daughters life because she was in a sence pushed a side a little. I soon learned that it was not that difficult and my middle daughter was the oldest ones favorite baby doll. And she had a play mate!
Let your husband help. Don't discredit him. He needs a chance with the baby too.... If hes anything like my daughters father he will call you crying for help before he gives up.
Good luck

Answer 2

You are being too hard on yourself. The only person who is making you feel like you have to be supermom is you. You are going to have to trust your husband with the baby if you ever want to get some rest. Cut grandma some slack and ask for help if you need it. Also, spend some time with your 5 year old. Even if you have to leave the baby with the hubby for an afternoon and take her out just the two of you. Right when the new baby comes is when the 5 year old is going to start acting out for attention. Your instict that your putting her on the back burner is probably right and you shouldn't just ignore it. Aside from spending the day with your 5 year old you should take a day for YOU! Get a manicure or go on a hike. Do something that you can remind yourself that you are a person besides just wife and mom..
good luck sounds like you have your hands very full..

Answer 3

It sounds like you might have post partum blues. It is better to see your doctor about it sooner, rather than later, because it will just get worse.
Also, I just had a C section (5 days ago), and have a 2 year old son. I know how you feel, about not giving the older child enough attention, being stretched too thin...
It's tough, but it will get better. It has to. How on earth could women have 3, 4, 6, etc. babies if it doesn't get better? Your newborn will grow out of this phase soon enough, start sleeping through the night, and you'll get more sleep. Don't worry so much about what everyone else thinks about your mothering skills. You have a newborn and another child, things will fall into place eventually. You will find a schedule that works better, it just takes trial and error.

But please, speaking as a woman who had severe post partum depression because she didn't speak up about the blues... Please talk to your doctor. Just talking to someone might help. It will get better. Email me if you want to talk. We're both going through the same thing right now.

Answer 4

I have a two year old and a 3 month old. When my wife went back to work it was crazy. My daughter was used to getting all my attention and that was hard, but of course my son needs a lot of attention. I really felt like I wasn't doing my job at home at first. I noticed dinners we would just stop and pick up dinner more often and that I wasn't always giving my daughter her bed time story, and I was quicker to get frustrated. I talked to my aunt about it and she gave me the best advise I have ever gotten. She reminded me that I know the most important part of being a good parent, loving my children and doing the best for them. She also told me that it is okay to ask for a little help once in awhile. Being a stay at home mom(or in my case Dad) is hard work especially when a second little one comes along. I understand your frustrations, but from you are saying you are doing a great job. It is a hard job, don't make it harder by doubting yourself...Oh and don't be afraid to let your husband get up with the baby once in awhile in the long run, it will be better for both of you. I know some of the times I have felt closest to my children have been late at night after feeding them as I tried to get them back to sleep.

Answer 5

You know you are being too hard on yourself!
At least give yourself some time to get used to your new baby. Don't worry about washing, cleaning etc. Make sure your five year old gets the attention she needs and that you obviously want to give her. Who cares if you have toast for tea if it means you got an extra 1/2 hour with your daughter at bedtime?
Slow down and also, try and go for a walk with your baby whilst she is at school. The fresh air will clear your mind!

Answer 6

First of all, relax! Like my gynae told me one - "you have done your best carrying a baby for 9 months; now don't worry about trying to keep up to everyone's expectations for the rest of your life"

That is so true - if you need help, ask your husband/ mom/ in-laws/ friends - remember it is important to keep your sanity about you to be a better mom.

Try to see if your hubby can take one early morning feed so that you can have the luxury of sleeping late - your body needs it. And this will be only for a few weeks, so you need not worry. When baby starts to sleep thru night, things will be better.

As for your 5 year old try to involve her with baby activities - like maybe singing to baby, fetching baby's diapers/ bottles or watching over baby while you go to the bathroom. That way you will get some time with her. You can also ask your hubby to look after baby on weekends while you have 1 on 1 time with your 5 year old - go to the park or even Mc Donalds - just u and her. My then 3 year old refused his grandparents help - that was his way of demanding his time until we decided to do something ONLY for him! ANd it worked.

And lastly, cheer up - this feeling doesn't last for ever - you will come through it!

Answer 7

First of all this is normal and you were used to giving her a lot of attention for a long time, my children are 5 and 6 years apart and I remember going through the same thing. The main thing I tried to do is spend Quality time with the older child. Maybe when your mom shows up you could take your 5 yr old for a walk or for an ice cream, maybe have a tea party with her. Another thing is let her help, there are many things she can do, praise her and tell her how much she is helping. Let her dust, fold wash rags, set the table and even clear the table, you will be cooking and that is a good time to talk to her and laugh and cut up with her. DO NOT feel guilty about letting your husband or mother help, they want to and you can use their help, you are very lucky to have them both. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel but you can't take on the world by yourself.You are being a good mom,but it becomes overwhelming very easily.You seem to have people willing to help but you feel guilty asking them.Don't!That's what family is for!
Everybody needs time to themselves and the peace of mind you get from some "ME" time will benefit you and your children.
And as far as your mom picking up your 5 year old,if she is willing to do it,why not have her watch the baby instead so you and your 5 yr old can spend some time together.Hang in there!

Answer 9

You might have to take the help that is being offered to you. The most important thing you have to do is be 100% for your children. If that means letting the grandparents and the husband help you then you should do it. You are doing a good job and it is normal to feel this way after a birth. If you get really depressed though, please go see a doctor about it. They are there to help you and no one will think anything less of you for it. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 10

You sound like a good mother who wants to make sure that everything is done when it needs to be. You keep going like you are and you will have a nervous breakdown. It's perfectly alright to let others help you. It sounds like you don't want to put the burden of your children on someone else but to keep your sanity you need to. Try a little at a time starting with your husband getting up every now and then and put trust in him.