i an engaged, my fiancee and i both been divorced for 4 years now, i have a membership to the gym.my neighbor and i use to play racketball all the time, now she home schools her kids , and we cant play, a friend that i have know for 3 months, we talked tonight and he and his friends got a membership at the gym, and we talked about playing racketball , and i told my fiancee about it, and he threw a fit. (his ex wife left him for someone that played tennis with her, and he brought that up, ) i tried to ask him to come with me , (no go), so please help and give me advice please, i really dont know what to do. AND PLEASE NO SMART A@@ ANSWERS
2006-09-20 13:59:36 · 20 answers · asked by wanda h 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
TRUST is the primary foundation for a life-long commitment. You are not the same person he married before. If he can't trust you, he should not have asked you to marry him.
I say tell him the above facts and go to the gym with whomever you please. Listen to the voice of experience: you have nothing to prove to him. His insecurities are HIS problems and he has to deal with them on his own. He should not even have entered into a relationship, let alone making and asking for a commitment, if he has not fully shed the baggage from his past -- it is not fair to you.
2006-09-20 14:06:01 · answer #1 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiance that you are not his ex-wife and he should trust you. I do understand where he is coming from though, How would you feel if he went out and played tennis (or racketball) with other women? Do you have any other girlfriends that would like to go to the gym with you? You have to think, is this a battle worth fighting and could possably put your relationship in danger?
2006-09-20 14:08:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds jealous, but with good reasons of course its natural for him to feel like this as he was hurt by the woman that he loved - his wife! so i think you should consider his feelings and be sensitive and be understanding, i don't think it's got to do with not trusting you, i think it's to do with his past and his fear that he may lose the woman of his life all over again, which would be painful! but if this may be the case you may think then he doesnt trust you, no it's his issues. watch and wait and see if he reacts like that wen you spend time with other men and see if this insecurity develops further because it could get in the way of your relationship. i'm not saying that you cannot have male friends but keep it just as friends and don't get too close, because things could develop out of it and that would end up hurting your husband. the thing is if you are such a good friend with a guy after some time you may relaise that you are compatible and then start to wonder about other things, so please make sure you know what you are doing and the same thing goes for him as well. i mean i would be jealous if my partner was playing racketball with a female all the time as my partner is drop dead gorgeous and if things develop i would blame him of course. but it's also part of human nature as well even if he doesn't cheat on me and acts on it. Goodluck!
2006-09-20 14:11:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys need to talk about it and always try to remain calm. You should tell your fiance that marriage is about trust, and if you guys will take that big step, you will have to start proving that you trust each other.
Tell him that you understand the fact that he might be scared due to what he already experience, and tell him that this could actually be a nice activity to do as a couple. Tell him u really like racketball and that you would love if he could just try it.
This is all about communication!
2006-09-20 14:07:27 · answer #4 · answered by supergirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just a sign of things to come. He's obviously still hurting about his previous marriage. He's worried you'll cheat on him. It's understandable. However, it has been 4 years since his divorce. I don't know how long you two have been together, so I can't say whether his trust will get better or not. I would go and play tennis anyway. Tell him he's being unreasonable. He was invited, so you're not hiding anything, and that if he wants to marry you, he'll have to learn to trust you.
2006-09-20 14:04:39 · answer #5 · answered by Mommy2Liam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's definetely relating your going to play raquetball with that guy to his last experience with his wife leaving him.
Don't go play with that guy unless you want fireworks. It will drive your fiancee crazy.
If you can't find ANYBODY else to play with, then you're going to have to explain that he NEEDS to come play with you. It's not an ultimatum, though.
You're simply asking him to do a simple and fun thing. You can and should do it together because it's the kind of thing marriage is based on...doing things together. He's got to show you love in this way along with compatability and sharing...whether he sucks on the court or not.
Also, think about this. His going on a raquetball court could send all the memories of the tennis scenario of his previous marriage flooding back into his mind everytime you play together and he'll take that out on the nearest opponent. I hope you win.
Good Luck
2006-09-20 14:14:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to learn to trust you. If he loves you then he will. Its going to take sometime, there is nothing worse then feeling that someone is going to cheat on you. Sadly, it happens allot. I know in your case it is totally innocent but to him his whole world is crashing around him. It is his wife and her infidelities all over again. Try to understand his hurt and put yourself in that situation. Give him some time to see that you are not his ex-wife. Be loving and supportive of him and expect the same from him. If he truly loves you, he will want to make you happy. He may come around. Tell him your true feelings and at the same time understand his. Maybe you both can reach a compromise. Love is the hardest thing we ever do and the most rewarding. I hope neither one of you throw it away over jealousy. Blessings on you and your fiance.
2006-09-20 14:09:34 · answer #7 · answered by John B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair for a guy to try & stop you from doing things you enjoy, please for your sake, don't let him, it starts with one thing & leads to another thing. Explain to him, that if he feels uncomfortable, he can come along..
He's probably still hurting about his ex wife perhaps? Explain that you know that's he's probably still upset about about that, but you're not his ex-wife, you really enjoy playing racketball, & finally you have someone to play with, explain that he needs to be able to trust you.
2006-09-20 14:32:29 · answer #8 · answered by idk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly loves you he shouldn't have a problem going with you if only to watch the game. He needs to leave his ex-wife out of your relationship so that you can build your own together. If he still has a problem with it , could be he is very jealous or very insecure with your relationship in which case you need to let him go and find someone a little more mature to love you for you.
2006-09-20 14:09:23 · answer #9 · answered by Hawk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short of getting your guy to teh gym or having this freind come and hang out with him enough to feel comfortable you are probably better off searching for a female partner.
You should point out to him however you are NOt his ex-wife and that relationships are built on trust. If he wont begin to trust you now how bad will it be after you are married.
Something to think about.
2006-09-20 14:03:34 · answer #10 · answered by Answerkeeper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋