I've had this question for six years... its worth answering?

Question

I wouldn't bother asking a bunch of strangers if I wasn't in deep **** or really desperate. I'm 15 and iv had this friend (16) since i moved to this little crap town. In small towns were all really tight we got the brother and sister relationship except when we had sex, now its a little different. So im not going to listen to anyone who tells me to give up on him. His mom died of cancer when he was 9 and his dad got into alcohol when i was about 10. Anyone with common sense could tell something was ****** up in that house. I didn't want to know than the marks got worse. Last night we had a party at his house and things got broke like at all parties. I didn't know he was going to be in the emergency room. His dad said he fell down the stairs, you can tell his dad said that, only a drunk man would say that, it didn't make any sense cause corey had marks from a metal pole and a belt, falling down the stairs doesn't do that to you. The hospital looked past it because his dad was the one that called the ambulance. He couldn't go anywhere or fight back because he was shitfaced. So 6 years later i finally ask him about it but i didn't want to hear his sober answer he was always honest when he was drunk. I told him that he has to live somewere else. That didn't make him happy cause he had big plans and that would **** it up for him. We started screaming and yelling, nothing new. Than i said, corey your just like your ******* father and he pushed me aganst the wall than he realizd what he was doin. That was the only time that's ever happened. The problem is he's becomin his dad, drunk and abusive he's so much more than that. He's got goals. I told him it was okay when he hit me. He was the one that freaked about it, got in his car, and drove to the middle of nowhere. They found him passed out drunk laughing sayin how he was never going to drink again. I have a lot of questions but now that he's at home again with his dad i gota no what the hell do i do now ?il do anything but bail on him -sorry it was so long this is the summary...

Answer 1

taste the rainbow dude

Answer 2

Both your freind and his father have chemical dependance and Major Depression! Proble due to his mothers death, they have not worked through it, and masking the pain, anger and abandoment issues with alcohol use.
You are right he is learning his coping methods from his father, and they both need help, professional help. There are support groups AA support groups for teens and families of alcoholics if his father is unwilling to admit this just yet.
And your freind may not admit it either, if he is being abused you can call Child Protective Services and make a report. The hospital should have done this, and I believe it was more than just because his father said he fell that they didn't. I think they both must have made up a story has to how he got hurt, and if he had been drinking who knows what it was!
You should do what ever you can to see that he gets help!
Remembering that somtimes you have to be cruel to be kind, meaning if he hits you, file a police report! Call Child Protective Services, this may cause him to be angry at first but in the end it could save his life! Stop Drinking or promoting drinking or any other drug use.
Not forgetting he has learned to be an abuser, and is prone to abuse those close to him in this case you! It is a dangerous situation for you to be in but you have chosen it!
I agree don't give up on your freind, but to be a real freind you may have to force him to at least attempt to get help!
But he also has to want it before it can really work, but most times they do, but think they can do it by themselves, but I think its past that point now!

Answer 3

it is okay that it was a long summary, trust me you probably ran out of room, as I have in the past :)

this is very serious! in a few years you are both going to be 18 and considered adults. You are both in highschool, probably freshmen and sophomore years right....

keep your goals career and educational and do not be co-dependent meaning "living to help someone else" you sound like a very smart girl. Please stay in school and tell this boy that you care very dearly for him.

telly him that you love him very much and will be the best friend that you can but that school is very important to you and that it is your future. remember that your future is what you want it to be.

once you establish that with him what your goals are then help him with his. It is not your fault that his mom died and his father is an abusive alcholic...

if this boy doesn't seem to be responding well to school or has other dreams than they are his do not interfere accept to let him know that he can always come to you for help

which brings me to my next thing, it is okay that you had sex, it happens among the closest people who are very good friends, however it can very much break up even the strongest friendships simply because you had sex... don't let it but

establish your own goals and strive to achieve them before you go any further in this direction with this boy because he will get used to you and you will get used to him in these ways and then s h i t will hit the fan if you go your separate ways and your friendship will be ruined. Perhaps not the memory of your old friendship but any further future friendship.

if he is in any position to move out of his dad's perhaps he should, in with a relative or perhaps one of his close guy friends or something. If things are too untolerable with his dad he should get proffesional help and look to the state

either way his father was very wrong to strike him but not wrong to get angry over the party, you are both rather young to be in trouble like that

also if you do continue to have sex make double percausions always wear a condom for him, and get yourself on birth control
be the most responsible you have ever been because a child will change your lives and you are NOT READY FOR THAT

good luck and feel free to email me if you feel like it or chatting or anything

BTW I am a 21yr old male live in Northern California and could use a friend!

Answer 4

First off, let him know how much you care about him. Tell him he needs to get some help. Does he have any other relatives he can move in with? I didn't catch how old you are but from what I gathered your still young. Talk to your parents about this see if there is anything they can do to help, if they wont listen to you and your still in school, talk to a teacher that you trust or your counsler. It is NOT ok for him to hit you. There are programs out there for drinking like AA but for teens. If your older than that, talk to your doctor and they can point you in the right direction to get him help. Do you have health insurance? Most health insurance companies and some employeers too have a help number that you can call just to talk to someone about anything and they can point you in the right direction too. What ever you do, do not let this continue. It's only gonna get worse if you dont get him some help. Good luck too you and I hope everything works out

Answer 5

wow u really do care for this friend of yours
n im really sry fo r him

there really isn tmuch u can do but be his friend and help him out when he need syou th emost

right now all his temper and bad habits are comin out
he could chang ethat if he wants and u can help him
but u cant do it without him wanting the help

abuse is a seriose issue
as tuff it is on you to watch ur friend go threw this there isnt much u can do

u should talk to him and talk abotu different options he can do

liek for ex mb move out,
both of them go see a pychologist together see why is father dosse this mb cuz his fathers father did it,
reporting his father is also a option

but that sa option he needs ot feel strongly about and go threw withh it

usaulyy its hard for children to admit to themselves that thier parents r abusing them
they dnt wamt to face that fact

YOUR FRIEND ISNT A ABUSER YET


the reason hes acting the way he is is becuz his father is the only perosn in his life and his fathers personality is rubbing off on him

its not in his gene hes just pikin up the habbit

u can help by trying to keep him calm and being there fo rhim no matter what

hope verythign workd out

n sry this is soo long

Answer 6

Not quite sure how to answer that one....but i guess the only way to stop this to spend more time with him so he doesn't have a chance to drink and be violent (or at least keep him away from his father as much as you can). Hopefully his plans can be fulfilled when he goes to college and away from his father...

You could also see if he and his father are interested in therapy, because it seems the father doesn't "want" to do this to your friend, its just that he is drunk (prob. still not over his wife), so he might be willing to try it.

Anyway you should try being there for him as much as possible, like you are.

And you're a good friend for not bailing on him

Answer 7

first of all, the hospital had a medical and legal obligation to call the authorities- never mind who paid the bill! that was a serious breach of protocol!

second, it is not okay that he hit you, and you shouldn't tell him that it is even if it is to make him feel better.

third, he needs to get out of that enviroment. convince him to call social services and report his dad. the longer he stays in this enviroment, the worse off he will be. there is still time to undo the damage that this has done to corey. if he's not for that, then maybe you can convince him to go live with a good friend, a good relative, or you. and tell your parents or another adult what's going on. they may be more helpful than you think.

fourth, get that boy to Alateen.

for more info on Alateen organizations in your area, go to:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

fifth, be there for him. call him tonight and check up on him. you have every right to be concerned.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel , but as the saying goes you cant help some-one that doesnt want to be helped. No dont bail on him and yes be there for him but even you have your limits.But the one thing i would make clear to him is if he ever touches you in that way again he will lose you, You have been nothing but there for him and have been a friend to him you dont deserve that from him.And yes sometimes the truth hurts but you have to keep telling him he is hearing you and dont give up.

Answer 9

u need to get him help, although ur story doesnt really make sense, if ur only 15 and he is 16 he was ten when he got put in the er and it seems that if a 10 yr old was drunk the er would have called child protective services. maybe im not reading this right but good luck


ok i read it again and it still doesnt make sense to me so the party was last night but u asked him about it 6 yrs later.... do u live in the future?


I read ur other questions( same one actually) and ur facts keep changing, u shouldnt joke about this stuff and u need to get a life!

Answer 10

You have to step back and look at what the future may hold. Are you willing to ride this emotional roller coaster over and over again? This type of destructive personality cannot be fixed. The ONLY way this person may change is if they are willing to do it themselves. You can't do it. So my advice would be to...set your own emotional limits as to what you will take and don't compromise. People with dysfunctions continue until they are stopped. You have to mean it though and don't vacillate.

Answer 11

Are your parents emotionally available to talk with for help? Your BF only knows the life style he has been subjected to, and NEVER should he be told that it is OK for him to hit you--your giving permission for it to happen again and again. Your BF has to be the first one to understand the need for change to make life better for him. Maybe a little push from your parents, DFACS, relatives, or the Police may be the answer to help him. Unless he gets help, your young to start life as a punching bag.