I have problems with anger & feeling happy. What works for you that may work for me. Serious answers only!!

Question

I feel I can't break out of patterns & I try & try & nothing seems to work. I am taking pills for depression & they even just added more to it.

Tips for dealing with anger??? I really want help in this area this really holds me back & is my biggest weakness.

Answer 1

~Well, if you haven't considered (or tried) counselling, do what I do. When I'm depressed and angry, I beat the snot out of someone. Works off the anger and makes me happy.

Answer 2

First of all well done on recognising that this is a problem. Sorry to be cliche but that's the first step.
The best thing to do is go an see a counselor. There is most likely an underlying issue that you are angry at and until you realise what this issue is and deal with it you will never break the cycle.
I had a similar problem but with supressing anger and it turned out, suprise suprise, that is was all linked back to my parents and he bullying nature of my dad and the fact that I never saw him because he worked all the time.
There doesn't have to be a major issue underneath everything but there is something in your past that you have not fully dealt with.
Your doctor should be able to refer you to someone or there may be a counselling service set up through work.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I really can sympathise with you over this. I had the very same problem until last year, and at 36 I felt I really had to deal with it. I spoke to my doctor, who managed to get me six sessions of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Dealing with the overwhelming, uncontrollable anger and the depression which had crippled me for years, took only three sessions, the other three were spent on other stuff. It has changed my life. I hadnt realised before how much the anger held me back in almost every area of my life. Now it is gone, everything is better in every way. Of course I still get annoyed, and cross, but not angry, and when I feel those things, I am able to deal with it calmly and rationally without that loss of control that had always been there.

I know CBT is really effective in both anger and depression areas, but I didnt know it would have the incredible positive effect that it did. Maybe I was ready for it, or maybe it was God's blessing, but either way, speak to your doctor until he or she listens and tries to get you CBT. Fortunately it has had such impressive results that local health authorities are using it a great deal as a therapy method. Your doctor should be able to refer you to the mental health department for treatment, which is where all the therapists are based, unless you are lucky enough to have a surgery with their own therapist. I cant stress strongly enough how much this has, not just helped, but sorted it completely. Sometimes the waiting lists are long, but dont give up, it will be worth it to feel free. I wish you the best of luck, God bless.

Answer 4

In terms of controlling anger, I've done two things.

One is grow old; I have tried to draw a line as to what has direct impact on me and what doesn't. I also realise that sometimes people have to be wrong to learn, and that sometimes I am wrong. So it's a question of only fighting for things that really matter to me. Some people call this maturity, I prefer calling it losing soem of myself. But the benefit is that you have more energy. Getting angry is very tiring.

The second thing I do is take a walk, buy an ice cream, and focus on enjoying it. It takes my mind off what makes me angry, slowly. While I am eating, I think back involuntary, but slowly I just focus on my ice cream, making sure nothing drips...

In terms of feeling happy I think it's not that difficult.

One of my friends says I am a happy person because small things make me happy. It is similar to eating ice cream, I put effort in appreciating the small things in my life. A nice meal, a good book... I also do photography, so I take great pleasure in seeing my photos improve, and again, when you take photos, and you focus just on that, you see your work, it is very satisfying. And I am happy.

Bottomline is that I think we all go through cycles. WHat makes people happy is to go as high as they can within the cycle, and not worry whether they are at a peak or a trough of the cycle. There is always something to be happy about, we just have to find it daily.

Answer 5

Antidepressants are a good start. However, if you feel they are only exacerbating the problem, a change in antidepressants may be a good solution. If you are taking an SSRI, while they are all chemically similar in structure, each has it's own unique characteristics. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor that you would like to change. Also, you don't have to be bipolar to need a mood stabilizer. I strongly suggest if you are not doing so already seeing a Psychiatrist (not necessarily a Psychotherapist) as opposed to a General Practitioner, as your family doctor more than likely does not have the expertise in dosing and medication "cocktails" that can truly help you. Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

I had the same problem but I had to get counselling because I was abused as a child. I still take Citalopram for my depression which helps me enourmously. Sport is the best way I release my anger. I run and swim. I walk everywhere too now. If you exercise in some way everyday all that anger comes out and you start to feel calmer too. You should start to eat healthier too lots of fruit and veg. This exercise and healthy food really helps me to stay happy and positive. Hope you try it and hope this helps you too.

Answer 7

Anger is like lava. It comes up from deep inside. you can try to plug it up with some techniques (like counting to five before you speak, learning to take "time outs", or writing out your feelings in a journal). But to get to the source, you need good quality counseling. Like you, I am on meds and I see a counselor. I urge you to stick with it. Find a counselor that is a specialist in the area of anger management. It will help you stop the lava by finding out where it really comes from. This is hard work, so get some support.

Answer 8

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;

They too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

Many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love;

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,

Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a healthy discipline,

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here,

and whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,

Whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy."

Author Unknown although some maintain that this piece was written by Max Erhmann

Answer 9

An angry person is like a madman, or at least that is how it appears to outsiders.

I get so angry (with other people) that is hard to tone it down and get a coherent sentence out. Of course, this makes it impossible to deal with the people causing the problems in any way whatsoever. e.g. problems with neighbours (in the past).

Drink or any hypnotic drugs are counter-indicated because it just suppress the inhibitions and the fury comes out even more garbled.

I don't know the answer, but Prozac is a social time bomb waiting to explode. The drug is addictive and people can't get off it.

Answer 10

Anger is good for you - its a perfectly natural emotion and necessary for survival. It is how the emotion is realised in behaviour that can cause bother for you. We are told time and time again "dont get angry with me" or that "anger is bad" so we push down angry feelings even when they are justified. That is what can send us crazy. Take two historical examples - Martin Luther King was extremely angry at the segregation of black people as second class citizens and his anger fuelled the civil rights movements. Hitler was also very angry at the desperate poverty of the german people, brought about by the vast amounts of money that germany had to pay in reparation. This caused inflation to rise beyond belief so that buying a loaf of bread cost nearly £20.00. People starved. His anger brought about change but at the cost of scapegoating the Jews (who hoarded their wealth and were rarely seen to be poor, but were perceived not to share with their neighbours). His anger caused the german people to rise up against the jews and brought about the holocaust.
If you are angry, you are angry. Promise that unless it is self defence, you will never physically lash out, but nothing wrong with giving a tongue lashing to someone who deserves it. Treat yourself to a punch bag that you hang from a rafter and batter into that when you just feel all over angry for no definable reason. That releases much of the tension of day to day life without having to over analyse it. You go girl!

Answer 11

I am in same situatiion and was on anti depressants for while, but referred to Community Psychiatric Nurse who told me I dont have mental health problems at all, which is why tablets didnt work! However I have massive issues with anger, like i didnt know!

I bought best book ever on e bay. "The Dance of Anger" for first time in my life (im 38) the penny dropped, I totally get it. I have always known what I should do but never been able to change myself, until I read this book. AMAZING!!!!!

I am now much calmer mum of 2, my family are still getting used to it, but they love it.

Good luck..its about a total change in outlook, no quick fix Im afraid.